Hello and Thank You!

typing is hard right now so please forgive my brevity. 

i love the site.  have just begun to wander around. lots

of stuff here makes me wanna cry.  i've fought by myself

for ten years and the Lone Soldier road is a long, hard one.

i have family, but the everydayness of my

physical pain/discomfort tests us all.  honestly,

no one wants to hear "i feel like crap," a thousand

times a day, no matter how much they love you. 

hell, even *i'm* sick of hearing it and i'm the one

*saying* it. 

funny thing is: soon as you *stop* saying it,

everyone assumes you're now "okay hunky-dory fine."  that

way when you can't hold back, when you *do* finally

say, "god, i feel like crap . . . " everyone's response is

"well you were okay yesterday . . . . "

aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!  no i was *not,* i just didn't *say*

it.

sigh.

anyone else experience this?  how about that "in a glass

box" feeling?  as if you are somehow separated from

everyone else (everyone else *healthy,* I guess I mean,

though i still have a problem considering myself sick).

anyway, this post is longer than anticipated.

thank you for helping me feel not so alone.  hands are

aching. owie.

must walk and stretch.  *again.* 

(poor me . . . wait, i think i hear a violin . . . . )

look forward to knowing you all.

peace and smiles all around,

gypsyblue

I like your name.  Welcome to the HealingWell Fibromyalgia forum.  I am so glad that you have joined in with us. 

It is hard facing pain everyday.  I hope that you get some sort of pain management so that you aren't suffering so much every day.  I have pain, but not enough to stop me from doing what I want to do.  It is at a tolerable level.  I have had it this way for a long time, which makes me happy.  Oh it would be nice to be pain free.  But I haven't seen a day like that since before fibro. 

Are you taking anything for your pain?  There is a thread called fibro101.  It is the first thread on the forum.  In there it tells about a supplement called malic acid.  It does help.  You find that kind that has magnesium in it and start out really slow.  But it does help with pain and fatigue.  And it makes your muscles feel better.  There is a lot of information in fibro101.  So if you get a chance, do look over the thread.  There are a lot of answers to a lot of questions that you may be having right about now.  There is so much involved in fibromyalgia.  The mysterious disorder. 

I hope that you stick around and keep posting.  We are having a virtual party at Sherrine's house.  Sherrine is one of our wonderful moderators.  I feel dumb saying wonderful mods as I am one myself.  So that came out wrong.  She is a wonderful moderator.  That is what I wanted to say.  But we are having a virtual party at her house.  There is no pain involved.  And it is a lot of fun.  Please do join in.

Hugs, Karen

(love the emoticons -- wanna click on em all)

thank you also, karen, our wonderful moderator (just calls em likes you sees em!  you seem wonderful to me, case you're wondering). 

i am not taking pain meds.  my stomach cannot handle otc's (can take 2 or 3 doses of tylenol or ibuprof. before i get this horrible grinding sensation that will lead to a horrible stabbing sensation that can last for days, so i won't eat and everything will get *worse*).

i am ashamed to say i have no diagnosis but mine own -- but i've taken months and months and years of searching and seeking and experimenting and hoping and trying this or that herb to come to my conclusions, right or wrong.

i'm still now trying to distinguish between perimenopause (i'm 48 now) and the fibro symptoms -- because they are similar and all connected.  or so it seems. 

truth?   

i refused to believe i had *anything* other than hormone problems.  i have not even been to doctor yet.  have not been to one in fifteen years.  hate and fear them intensely.  my daughter had numerous med problems, so i've met and worked with or fought with MANY docs/med profs.  my special needs daughter grew up and when she left home my body just . . . collapsed. more or less. 

(my son had left home one year before her)

i never thought i'd be one of the "sick ones."  i was so healthy.  i thought so anyway.  but i wasn't.  and i never *looked* sick either -- except on the days when i was really, *really* bad off . . . but i excused those, cuz EVERYONE has "bad days," right? 

anyway, i thought i could "fix" what was happening to me.  better diet, herbs, meditation, yoga-stretching and lots and lots of raging-against-the-machine, so-to-speak.  And crying.  Lots and lots of crying too.   (ow ow ow this hurts, that hurts, i'm weak, nauseaus, dizzy, faint, drifting off -- oh! i'm dying? okay!  please, Death, hurry.  i hate it here on earth). 

had a recent med crisis.  realized now that my life is in the crapper.  completely.  no money.  no home.  no job.  no energy.  no hope and no clear thinking to even *find* hope.  i'm now 3 grand into the ER in med bills (for an abscessed tooth no less . . . who can afford dental care?).  i couldn't take the meds given me, even though the infection was moving down my neck . . . 

i was surely screwed . . . but my body seems to be holding back the infection on it's own and the tooth has been removed . . . but i feel pretty awful and --

help help help.

sis says i should wear a sign around my neck:   MAKE ME ASK FOR HELP.  (like Sandra Bullock in 28 days)  lol

she's right tho.  so . . . here i am.  sad and ashamed and stupid and blaming myself because i just can't "get it together" no matter how hard i try. (am i just lazy? imagining things? *everyone* has pain and discomfort, don't they?  why can't i handle this?)

i am living with a relative for free and feel like a sponge (he is not really even a relative, he's an ex-in-law!  how's that?  my mom and sis and me were all in biz together and when the economy turned, our ship sank.  we all went down together; we've no one else to turn to, none of us; and now i'm useless as a worker/human as well -- especially financially.)

uh-oh.  violins again.  sorry.

so, ah . . . pain meds?  what are those?  i'm ten years into this and somehow only just beginning my journey now.  even my kids don't know the full extent of it. 

okay.  gonna post this.  even tho i'm afraid i'm gonna get b-b-qued for it.  ("what do you mean you haven't been to a doctor?!?"  "what are you doing on this forum with no diagnosis? what nerve!" etc.) 

please excuse me and forgive me if i'm posting here erroneously (without an official diagnosis, I mean).  but i really should wear that sign around my neck. because i do need help.  really. 

so i'm going to post this even tho i don't want to.  ugh.  this is WAY longer than i'd hoped.  and way more info than i'd planned.

peace out, dawg.

(sorry. always wanted to say that)  Gblue

BUT, yes, I do think you should see a doctor.  There is help out there for you.  You definitely are not alone with the financial difficulties but any ER will take you.  You see, the symptoms of fibro are very similar to the symptoms of other illnesses that can be treated.  Lovely Karen mentioned Fibro 101.  It's the first thread on the forum.  In there is a link called What Else Could It Be and that might be an eye-opener for you.  This is why you really should try to be diagnosed. 

Your depression is playing into your pain, too.  It's hard when your children leave.  They are our whole life for so many years and all of a sudden they are gone.  This has happened to me, too.  But, we have done a great job in raising them because they are capable adults now and can be independent!  That's what we want.  We love them and they love us, too. 

The pain can cause depression, too, but don't let it eat you alive!  We do have a great depression forum on HealingWell, also.  You might want to visit there, too.  Karen is a mod there so you will know someone.

The malic acid/magnesium supplements that Karen mentioned have helped me and others with the pain and fatigue.  Malic acid is found in apples but you'd have to eat a bushel to get what the supplements have.  I also take vitamin D3.  That, too, helps with pain and fatigue.

I'm glad to see that you know to keep moving and stretching!  That helps, too, along with hot showers. 

A good sense of humor and a positive outlook helps, also.  I know these are really tough times right now.  I'm having a rough time also but I have faith...faith in the future.  I've had a lot of problems in my life that pulled me down but I've always ended up on top!  I just take one day at a time and make the most of it.  I don't mention my pain because, as you said, no one wants to hear.  I just deal with it the best I can and enjoy my life.  I love walking around the neighborhood and looking at all the beauty around me.  That always gives me a lift and it help with my pain.  

Don't put yourself down, either.  You didn't ask for the situation  you are in and, trust me, you are not alone.  Millions are in the same boat and, yes, a lot of these people suffer with illnesses, too.  Just because they don't look sick doesn't mean they aren't. You know that too...first hand!  That's one of the problems with fibro.   We look just fine but our bodies are screaming at us!  You have a lot to offer this world.  We all do.  open your eyes to the good things in your life and you will feel better!  

If you decide to be checked out, on Fibro 101 there are links to a pain journal and also a couple of links that help you describe your pain accurately.  You can print these out and keep a record of how you feel and what you are doing when  you feel this way.  Then, take the journal with you if you see a doctor.  That will help them a lot to understand what you are going through. 

Other people that don't have funds are getting help and so should you!  There is help available to  you and I sure hope you use it.  I hate seeing you so unhappy, angry and in so much pain. 

We are having a virtual party at my house right now.  The thread is called "It's Party Time!!!"  Just reading that should give you a few chuckles and please join us.  At my parties you have no pain, no illness, and can do anything you want!  Wish we could live like that!  

I'm so glad you found us and joined in.  Don't hesitate to ask questions because we are here to help you.  Hope to hear more from you soon.

Sherrine