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Me and my cane

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Posted 9/18/2010 5:15 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I finally got one. I've used around the house a few times when the hip pain gets excruciating BUT only when my dear  hubby isn't home. For some reason I'm scared he will make fun of me or criticize me and I just can't seem to use it. I really need some advice on how to "get over myself" and just do it.
Posted 9/18/2010 5:35 PM (GMT 0)
I also have a cane but only need to use it occasionally. When I first got it, I felt
very self concious about using it. I would joke and would make lite of it. It does
get easier each time you use it. My hubby was with me when I first picked it out
and he knew that at times I really needed it.

The words you uesd... "Just do it"...says it all. If your hubby teases you...give
him a good whack with the cane!


Hugs, Robin turn

Posted 9/18/2010 6:12 PM (GMT 0)
Knock him one over the head with it! LOL... I have a cane too. I haven't had to use it in years. It was my great aunt's cane and it is cool. But I used it before, yes I do think we get self conscious about it, but if you need it, you need it. So use it and like Robin said, make lite of it. You will get use to it and you will find what works best for you.

Best wishes to all.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/19/2010 12:19 AM (GMT 0)
My husband came home one day and found me looking at them online. He was shocked and said, "why are you looking at THOSE?!" It made me cry. Then, it became one of those moments where I realized this hard for him as well.

It's kind of funny in a way...well, not in a humorous way, but in an odd, sad, sort of way, I guess....I was getting lunch in the mall not too long ago, and most definitely had my cane with me that day (school shopping with my niece). The lady in front of me who was waiting for her lunch to be prepared, offered to carry my tray for me. Another realization in that moment: my disease was "visible" with my cane.

Ya know who is the best one to handle it? My dog! She is very careful with me around the door, and walking down our two steps while I try to manage my cane, the steps, and the leash. She's only 11 pounds, but she is 11 pounds of pure compassion!!

Anyway. It does get easier. Honest.
Posted 9/19/2010 12:31 AM (GMT 0)
I guess I just don't want to be different and i worry he will get tired of this illness and look for someone who is not sick. My insecurities are shining through - sorry for the pity party, usually I manage much better.
Posted 9/19/2010 1:08 AM (GMT 0)
I was actually seen for the first time today by some of my family. I did the same thing, like it was something to be ashamed of. It isn't, gosh if nothing else at least I didn't look like a wounded animal when I got out of my chair. I sure didn't want to sit there and wet myself. They know we hurt, yes it does give them a visual, makes it more real for them I think. How else are we gonna keep taking care of business? My cane gives me a little back when I can't seem to make it on my own. Just use it, I have only used it in public once. I don't go out much when I feel that bad anyway. Mornings are pretty brutal for me.
Posted 9/19/2010 1:29 AM (GMT 0)
I use a cane every night whenever I get up to use the bathroom.  I'm so stiff and I certainly don't want to fall.  That would just make things so much worse.  It helps steady me.  I also use it when my hips or knees bother me.  I walked my dog this morning with my cane.

 

As far as hubby goes, if he makes comments, a love tap on the shins with  your new "buddy" might help!  turn

 

Sherrine

Posted 9/19/2010 1:32 AM (GMT 0)
Saintsfan, you need not apologize for feeling the way you do, it is understandable.
No one gets excited about the fact that out of the blue you need to use a cane... I
still get angry at times that my health limits me from being the super active woman
I once was. I can no longer golf, play tennis and do rough terrain hiking with my
hubby...these were activities we shared together. I encourage him to golf and play
tennis, he loves these sports and is active in differant leagues. Initially I thought
we might drift apart because we were not sharing these things together, but we have
found things we enjoy and share together. I think it's normal to be somewhat
insecure...because there is so much adjustment going on in our lives. Change can
be a difficult thing, but if we remember our heart and spirit ... the core of our
being is the same it makes it easier. Sending gentle hugs, my friend :)

Hugs, Robin
Posted 9/19/2010 3:59 AM (GMT 0)
Sweetie,

Your husband isn't going to think any less of you with a cane. So try to get those kind of thoughts right out of your pretty little head. Your husband loves you. Try not to feel insecure. I know that this illness does take a lot out of us. We can't be the person that we use to be. That is hard for all of us to handle. But we become a new us. Though it is harder than it was, it is still a whole person. We may be a little slower and a little weaker, but that is what gives us compassion and knowledge. You are a lovely person. Inside and out. Never forget that. Know that your husband loves you and accepts you for who you are.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/19/2010 2:21 PM (GMT 0)
I'm not quite there yet with using a cane, though my doctor did offer to rx me one at my last visit.  I agree with the others, if you need it use it. 

 

I was glad for your post addressing this.  It's something I need to hear and face myself, for I know that time is coming for me to at least have use of a cane at home.  I can't exactly use one with my work, but there are mornings and evenings and days where I could benefit.  In the meantime, when my husband is around, I use him as my cane *lol* and he helps me get up and stabilize myself.

 

Thank you and all the others who posted on this topic.

Grace

Posted 9/19/2010 4:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Saintsfan,

It is really hard wondering what people with think. When people I like ask, I just say that I have a neuromuscular disorder that sometimes makes it hard to walk. It took awhile to figure out a good response.

I started using a cane about a year ago. At first, I would collapse it in my purse and when I needed it, I would take it out and try to hide it and use it at the same time. But I went to a conference in Portland where there would be a lot of standing and walking. I discovered that it helped me go further and with less pain! Hooray! And what is better, it helped me build up strength because I could walk more. It is great for standing in line. Also, as Julie said, it makes the disability visible (which at first I hated and came to appreciate).

At the cell phone store, the salesperson brought me a chair because it was hard to stand for so long; while walking up to the A's game, the security opened the rope barrier and let me in at the front instead of making me walk all the way around; while in line in Vegas, the ushers came and got us and moved us to a shorter line so I did not have to stand as long; people do not leave me behind and run up stairs, they ask if I can do stairs or need the elevator (it changes from day to day); I can sit on full trains and not be glared at for being a young fit woman taking up a valuable seat; and I can enjoy more activities: museums, Ikea, zoo, walks on the beach (with a different kind of stick). It would be much more difficult without the cane.

Oh, and I got a great opportunity because of the cane: I met a wonderfully eccentric older man who is very influential and a chain of events have brought more great opportunities - I saw him walking with a beautiful cane and we talked and compared canes and got to know each other.

Good luck!
Sue
Posted 9/19/2010 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
Alot of the time I feel like my marriage is on a thin rope because of my illness-my husband asks every day how do you feel, but he's is looking for those infamous words-I am doing great. We are in our 30's and he acts like I just need to get over this, take some medicine and you'll be fine. I have a tough battle with this issue at home. I cannot make any of my family understand that taking a pill doesn't make it all better. But I have really appreciated all the support here on this issue.
Posted 9/19/2010 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
Oh, and just to clarify, I'm not sitting around my house moaning and groaning. I get up every day and do the things I've always done-they are just harder to do, but I've not changed our lifestyle.
Posted 9/19/2010 9:42 PM (GMT 0)
Wow... the cane issue.. Well, I'm 50 and from age 30 to age 48 I hid the cane from most. I never used it at work for fear I would lose my job or be deemed replaceable, I refused to use it in public but really needed it. When I turned 48 I had back surgery and that was a "reason" to use it but as the back healed once again the cane was hidden. At age 49 I had knee replacement surgery and this was a great time to be able to pull it out again. Since that time It's been out, Most days I use it, when I do have a good day and walk out without it, about an hour into my outing I wish I had it. With that also came the NO heals on my shoes, so I have not had a dress on in at least three years now too. Last week my husband bought me a shiney new scooter. I was able to go to the mall and shop for the 1st time in at least 10 years without hurting so bad it put me back in bed. So I guess I'm over it now. "The Cane" would have and could have gotten me out of the house sooner and my quality of life may have been a bit better IF I had accepted my disability ( that's a hard word for me still too). I am on LTD now and waiting for an answer from SSDI and I waited to even begin that process until I was at least 5 years behind the time I should have.

All that just to say.... Do what you need to do to help YOU. In the long run, what others think or feel doesn't matter. I found that it was not THEM it was ME. I had to deal with me first. I thank God that my husband is supportive. I could not do this without him by my side.
Posted 9/19/2010 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Saintsfan,

I'm sorry to hear you are having to deal with this stress.  I know what it's like to all of a sudden be "noticed" that  something is wrong with you.  When I got cancer and had to do chemo &  I lost all my hair the 3rd week of treatment.  I went from looking normal to it being obvious I was sick.  But you can't let that get to you.  You know, sometimes my husband will say stuff that seems a little off, but what he's trying to do is make lite of the situation in hopes that it will make me feel better.  Talk with your honey & explain how that makes you feel.  If you still feel frustrated maybe a counselor would help.  Or, let him read some of our stuff so he can see that it's not just "you".  We all have these symptoms & dilemmas and that it's not just "in our head". 

Stay positive,

Deb wink

DX:Fibro, RA, Degenerative disc disease, carpal tunnel, ulnar tenndinitis, bulging discs (L4 & L5), osteopenia, depression & Breast cancer survivor.
MEDS: femara,neurontin,ativan,plaquenil, prednisone,percocet,fluoxetine
vit.& supplements:black cohosh, even.primrose oil, vit.C, calcium w/D, turmeric, green tea extract

 

Post Edited (1flwrchild) : 9/19/2010 3:55:58 PM (GMT-6)

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