I'm thinking I have to work harder at coming to terms with this...

So I woke up this morning in pain, as I usually do.  But for some reason I decided to feel sorry for myself as I choked down yet more pills.  It finally hit me. I will not be able to exist without medication for the rest of my life!! I think subconsciously I keep expecting to get better. Sure, I'm working on what helps my pain (medication, diet, resting, exercise, etc) but I'm not sure I was working on accepting this.  My husband is traveling for work again (that's necessary so I don't have to work) but it puts me in a tail spin when he's gone.  I just HATE being away from him.  We talk 2 times a day plus many e-mails back and forth. Todays lunch time talk was me venting to him about this.  That's not how I wanted to spend "our lunch time" together.

Anyway, I think when I get back home (I also HATE staying alone so I am at my parents - that's a WHOLE other list of problems in and of itself...) when I get back home I think I am going to look into seeing a therapist.  I think a lot of you are already getting counseling. I think I know why know.  Though I have to say I'd be a LOT worse off if I haven't found the support here.  Like now for instance. I am venting to a bunch who know EXACTLY how I feel. I'm 36 and I've had people make comments to me "Geeshe, you limp around here like you are 80!"  well, I've got news for you, I think I feel like I'm 80 most days. It really scares me of what I'll feel like when I am ACTUALLY 80... or will I ever make it to 80??  The last thing I said to my husband before we hung up at lunch time today was "I guess we need to keep praying that the miracle drug gets invented before it's too late..." and he agreed.  By miracle drug, I mean the one we can take and it will work ALL the time and we'll feel normal again, whatever that is!!

Thanks for letting me vent... again.

I think being at my parents has me more physically and mentally exhausted than normal. That's why I spent the day feeling sorry for myself.

I Love You...You'll be Okay.
My son says he feels older than Grandma....He is 18 & She is 89.
I have grandma living in our home...She is blind these days-I love her very much and I am happy that she is with us. But, even at 89 she can still drive me nutz!!!

Good luck with the parents and I hope hubby returns soon.

Find your positive attitude... And don't forget where you put it.

Mrs. Mike,

I understand your frustration...my hubby travels alot with work and like you said, he has to do it now because we need the money more than ever....I'm still hoping I'll be able to go back to work, at least part time once I get this dizziness and pain meds under control! Yup, a miracle drug would do wonders right about now. My kids are fairly young, almost 6 and 8, so at least they are pretty self sufficient, but it's still very busy....wishing you and everyone else here a miracle!!

You are voicing how we all feel at times.  You are probably going through a bad period.  I know I am right now.  It's 11:30 PM and I'm usually sleeping but it hurts more to lay down.  I will eventually get to sleep and I know I will eventually have some better days ahead.

 

It's difficult but please try to realize that this illness can be controlled.  So what if you have to take medication the rest of your life?  I've been on medication every day for the past 32 years and it hasn't taken away anything from my life.  Actually, it has given my life back to me.  I'm thankful that we have these things to help us.  Can you imagine having this back in the 1700's?  People did, you know!  I just can't imagine what they went through.

 

Also, I would suggest that you try to be more independent.  You sound like you rely on your hubby a lot and when he is gone you have stress about it and that is causing more pain.  I used to talk to my husband several times a day.  Then he passed on suddenly and everything fell in my lap.  Thank goodness I have been pretty independent all of my life but that was a rude awakening.  Now I either have to do everything myself or hire someone to do it, which I really can't afford.  But you know what?  I'm doing just fine now!  I have learned how to do everything I need to do and work around fibro to get it done.  You will be surprised how much you really can do when not given a choice.  We are far stronger than we give ourselves credit. 

 

Once you come to grips with this illness, realize that things could be a w-h-o-l-e lot worse, you will be able to control this illness.  You will have peace knowing that you are quite capable yourself and you can enjoy your life.  Just take one day at a time.  You KNOW you can handle that!  You are strong, you are bright, and you can definitely handle fibro.

 

Sherrine

Oh man.. Become more independent? With my husband gone all the time, I'm left to care for our house (it's big) and our daughter by myself. That's why I left my last job. I was alone with that PLUS working 60 hours a week and on call 24/7 at a VERY high stress job. I'm not afraid of independence. I'm on a hiatus!! Lol. I'm really only emotionally attached to my husband. And that's pretty strong cuz we've climbed a lot of relationship mountains to grow in love as we have and to get to where we have this emotional bond. I'm at my parents right now cuz there has been a bunch of home invasions in our area in neighborhoods like ours. If someone broke in, I'd shoot first and ask questions later. I don't want to have to explain my way out of something like that so I'm avoiding it!! Lol!

I have a hard time at my parents cuz it pretty much a poisoness atmosphere. They fight ALL the time. Don't know where else to hang that I wouldn't feel as though I'm invading. At least I know they'd prefer me here.

I'm gonna take 2 more pills and feel good then go start my Christmas shopping. ALONE!! Lol. What I need to do more is just go get a massage or pedicure!!

She's gonna turn 5 in December. I wish she wasn't an only child but I don't think I could handle another one. If I need family help, I have to travel. Where we live now, no one is close.

Oh no Sherrine, didn't mean to sound negative. And I'd never ignore your posts ! I was just having a really bad "whoa is me" day!! Lol. My dad and I got into a HUGE argument earlier the day before and he told me I didn't have any kind of home life. That my husband wasn't working hard enough because I was always on the go. I told him we may be apart often but we love one another a lot and he works very hard to provide for us cuz I can't. All he ever does is yell at my mom (and vice versa). That makes me miss him so much more cuz we don't fight. We have peace in our home. My parents have WWIII..lol. I think everyone is all filled in on my background! Lol (boring..haha).

I just had to chime in on this post. I, too, had a pity party for myself the other day. I think we all get to that point at one time or another. I took yet another hit to the old ego 2 days ago. I had to have some teeth extracted, and a partial denture inserted on the bottom jaw. Now, when I get ready for bed I have to: Wash face and apply wrinkle cream, remove my glasses or contact lenses and be blind as a bat, remove my hearing aids, remove my teeth and put them in a nice warm bath, get into bed and put on my cpap mask, and hope, REALLY HOPE, that I didn't forget to take my meds or lock the doors or something. Good Lord!!!! How much fun can a person take?!!