holy-moley, batman! is there no end to the evil . . ?

i was sitting in the bathroom crying (only place for privacy) when i remembered there were others suffering daily with me . . . not that i’m happy you all are suffering! but more that i’m happy to not be “the only one.”

it sucks being “the only one.” everyone’s going over there and doing this or that, while i just sit and ponder my fate – or, worse: ruminate. (think: “stew in one’s own, hateful juices over one’s own, hateful existence.” at least, that’s my personal definition of the word “ruminate” for some reason)

anyway, i’m tired of crying and of being sick and worrying over being sick and getting sicker because i’m worrying . . . and then worrying about *that* too.

i mean, jeez! enough already. right?

while i am *physically* fatigued, my mind has boundless, ceaseless energy. i am an aching bag of worrisome thoughts that i just can’t ditch – and just can’t stop.

anyone else a worrier? anyone . . ? cuz i’m worried i’m the only one (lol).

actually, i *know* i’m not “the only one.” that’s why i come here. cuz i know a group of lovely, often achey ladies (and gents, of course) whom i mostly drop in and “spy” on.

(sorry. but i *do.* i drop by just to see what i see, then i report back to myself in the mirror: “yep,” i say, “they’re still there. i am not alone. i am not the only one.”

thank you. x 1000

bless you as much as you can handle
(such a thing as “too much blessing?” huh. gotta ponder on that one . . . . )

hugs and down with ruminating,

gypsyblue

(sorry for the lower case type. got carpal tunnel to go with my tmj to go with my . . . well, okay. you get the pic. i am saving up my keystrokes for work – even tho i’d rather spend them on y’all.)

Ahhh Gypsy

I was in the shower this morning refusing to leave until this horrible heavy fatique and anxiety left. Needless to say I ran out of hot water:) I a exactly there with you. I worry that I made a fibro fool at my party sat night because I was running around all week to make it perfect. I a not on meds yet ( after stress test cymbalta)  so I feel like I am swimming upwards. I feel alone. My husbands is caring but he too can only listen so long. I need relief! Next tie you have an episode think of me sitting in the shower in the cold. Your never alone hon:)

Hugs

Hi Gypsy,

I'm sorry you are having a rough time....we all worry. It sucks, it's reality we can't change it but we need to deal the best we can. Try to get out and enjoy the beautiful things in life. I know that's easier said than done, but sometimes just a few minutes of fresh air outdoors can make you feel alot better.

Hope you feel better soon!
Krista

thank you all. today is another hard day made easier by my un-aloneness ('course, i mean you all).

not to complain

(oh, please do! say you all)

but face pain and depression are all i feel at the moment.

well . . . that and worry. can't ever have enough of *that* it seems.

i do have a particular stress factor right now. i want to let it go. i want to say, "screw it. it is what is. que sera."

(great. doris day references. and on an empty stomach. have i no shame?)

[love doris and her singing, however]

uh . . . what was i saying before i so rudely interrupted myself . . ?

oh. yeah. que sera. what will be, will be . . . but worry worry worry anyway. [insert heavy sigh right here]

i'm thinking right now

(oh no! shouts the group)

that if i claw my eyes out and make my head rotate in a full circle whilst vomiting green gushes, i could probably draw a lot of attention to fibro *and* collect ssi . . . of course, i'd be blind and probably paralyzed (snapped vertebrae will do that) and no one would wanna "hang out" with me, the green-goo-girl, but it *would* get me out of my current dilemma, so that's another plus . . .

yeah. lots of minuses to that activity too. my thoughts exactly. so i guess i won't be linda blairing it for now (was The Exorcist a good movie, d'ya think? mostly gross, thinks me)

anyway, i thank you all for reading and responding and aching and worrying and sharing it all with me. i read every post and felt my heart grow lighter. ever hear that saying: "a problem shared is a problem halved?" love that saying. and it's true. everyone here just proved it.

now, if i could just get rid of this *other* half-a-problem . . . i could move on to the *next* problem, cuz problems are like shark teeth, rows and rows and sometimes they grow back . . . .

yep. thoughts. i got a million of 'em.

thanks for listening. and for answering.

gsdgirl - i hate your showerhead with you. and i think you should blame it anyway. in fact, i think you should blame *everything* on your showerhead. burned chicken? showerhead. speeding ticket? showerhead. school says johnny is "acting up" again? shower-you-know-what.

krista - will follow that rx. love to walk . . . care to come along? maybe we can ring doorbells and run (or just stand there, blinking, and blame gsdgirl's showerhead)

debbie - i love you for loving my post. and for laughing. and you're right, life IS a big joke . . . unfortunately, i mostly don't get the punchline so i just stand there, blaming gsdgirl's showerhead. [i am truly sorry about your too-quick heartbeat/hospital stay but adore your good humor over it.]

lordsdaughter - cold showers and fibro? isn't that against the law? it *should* be.
great name, btw. when they told mother teresa that god never gives you more than you can handle, she said: "i know. i just wish he didn't trust me so much." i feel ya, mt, i feel ya (lol)

shirley - thank you for reminding me of the good days. i know they're out there somewhere. ima run inna house real quick and get my baseball glove . . . gonna catch me a good day . . . . [thanks for the gentle hug too! i can always use a hug -- here's one back atcha:

{{{shirley}}}.

haven't dispensed one of those {{hugs}} since aol's first internet days.

{{{everyone}}} and thanks again for being there . . . er, here. we are the fibrofellowship. all hail pain relievers!

gypsyblue

Sending you gentle hugs, Gypsyblue :) hoping you're feeling better!

I used to be the biggest worrier until recently I got tired of it. It was stealing my
energy. Now when I start worrrying I ask myself...Do I have any control over the
situatuion...if I do...I do what I can to control it...if I have no control...I accept that
I have no control and put my trust in God that things will be OK.

One thing I have learned...we are stronger than we think. We can handle more
than we ever thought. Of course there are always going to be some rough days
but we will pick ourselves up and do what we have to do. Fibromites are strong!

hugs, Robin

omg Gypsy...you are too funny! We have to have a sense of humour to get through this! Wonderful idea...I'd love to walk with you and blame GSDgirl's showerhead! LOL :)

uh-oh.  guess what?  now i'm worried i won't be funny enough.  or i'll be *too* funny. 

(it *is* possible.  i think that's what made mama cass choke on a sandwich and die . . . )

[anyone eating a sandwich?  don't worry.  i know cpr.  i just learned it.  so i will leap on you, lock lips, and start chest compressions before we even hit the floor.  i am a cpr/first aid **** -- and certified.  no one chokes on a sandwich on *my* watch and dies.  rule 1.]

so, here's the thing: i wasn't gonna say no more.  nuh-uh. not another word.  lips pressed tight, hands at my sides, mind racing.

but then gsdgirl hadda giggle (something about showerheads.  go figure). 

and krista wants to ding-dong-ditch with me.  or ding-dong-stare -- which'd be even *more* fun.  cuz i love policemen, and i'm sure they'd join us at some point.  ding-dong-uh-oh). 

and then poison ivey came along and, well . . . jeez, you almost *hafta* answer someone named "poison ivey."  i mean, it's, like . . . just the opposite of *not* answering "hurricane bob" or "pumpkinheadwithunibrowguy."  (some folks you answer, some you don't)

never *ever* answer someone named "imnotanaxmurderer," cuz he/she probably is (i've given this alot of thought . . . actually, too much thought, i'd wager).

[geez.  why can't i just *say* nice, normal-like things?  that's what *I* wanna know.  "hello-howareyou-thankyou-haveaniceday." ]

*anyway.*

just wanted to say that i love ivey's idea. 

RECAP OF IVEY'S IDEA

(for the fibro-fog/vicodin impaired)

[lol]

ivey says:  "throw the worries away."  

question: can i wrap them with a rock first?

("if you're gonna toss your worries, please do it outside," says ivey.)

seriously, ivey.  i do like the idea.  even without the rock <---said in very, very disappointed voice.

i almost had a meltdown this morning

(let's see . . . what was it this time?  couldn't decide what shirt to wear? lost an earring back? blinked wrong, scratched an itch, saw some lint? almost anything'll do it these days.  it's ridiculous!)

then i remembered the numerous "don't stress, it makes things worse" posts.  so i blinked back the tears, pulled in my big fat trembly lower lip, and thought: "this is all gsdgirl's showerhead's fault." and now i'm cured! 

well, okay.  i'm not.  but i felt better.  cuz now i've got a place to "play."  a sandbox for fibros, if you will.

thank you all for redirecting my wrong-thinking.  for giving me somewhere to post my silly gripes and someone to read them (or many "someones," which is even better).

so . . .

(irish accent please) raise yer glasses lads and lasses:  here's to you, showerheads and worries wrapped around rocks.

gypsyblue

Oh man Gypsyblue I think I am really starting to enjoy your posts. You have a great sense of humor and i really didnt think anything could make me laugh tonight. You did it and I thank you. You and Donna are truly our comedians on here and I didnt think that it was possible to compete with her. You are both great.
Gentle Hugs
Shirley