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My Son, My Son

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Posted 1/6/2011 11:38 PM (GMT 0)
I love him so much.  And I know he loves me.  But he thinks he knows everything!  It's not like he's going to make me unsure of myself, (I've had this DD for over 2 decades) but he still thinks my fibro comes, originally, from wanting to not work.   smhair    He mentions my going out for coffee and perusing Goodwill as if it were the most fun anyone could have.  He is absolutely unshakeable in his opinions - he always has been.  I said, "You seem to think I'm livin' the life o' Reilly here," and his answer is, "You are!  Are you kidding me?  You absolutely are!"  Well, what about chronic pain?  Did I choose that?  Answer: everyone has pain.

How do you argue with someone who knows more about you than you do? (puts finger to head and pulls trigger)   turn    Answer: you don't!

Debbie

 

Posted 1/6/2011 11:49 PM (GMT 0)
I have a son just like yours Debbie, they can be rather miserable to be around. You love them but they can be so frustrating. I sometimes wonder if I smacked him in the head would it knock some sense into him. lol I can totally relate to what you are feeling.
Gentle Hugs
Shirley
Posted 1/7/2011 12:03 AM (GMT 0)
As mean as it sounds...it would be wonderful to flip a switch and
make others feel our pain for a day or two...they would get it
then. Let's make it flare pain!!! oooh where did that come from?

Hugs, Robin smilewinkgrin
Posted 1/7/2011 12:06 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry you have to go through this too, Shirley. It's not what we need! A knock on the head? It just might work!

I told my son that his feeling of always knowing more - about EVERYTHING - must be because of his birth date. (One of our relatives has the same one and she always thinks she's right, too!) As good an explanation as any, I guess....

But it's surely not something that's going to help him "win friends and influence people." I truely worry about him for this reason - he's not just hard on me, he's hard on everyone. I'm just the one who happens to be here most:(

Debbie
Posted 1/7/2011 12:07 AM (GMT 0)
Robin, I agree with you 100%!! And I don't think that's mean, either! Now, giving it to them permanently - that would be mean!
Posted 1/7/2011 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
Lol, this is sooo my son. I really try not to debate with him and keep my calm.......because as you all said it he knows everything.

He came home with a new pierceing.........yup you guess it I blew my lid.

The only answer I have is that one day they will have children like them and hopefully look back on this, get down on one knee and beg for forgiveness......rofl
Posted 1/7/2011 3:37 AM (GMT 0)
You all described my husband :-{
Posted 1/7/2011 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
When people don't get it and refuse to try to understand Fibro I get so angry. I often tell people that if I was just lazy I'd be happy to admit that and then enjoy the times I can't do anything rather than still be miserable when I'm stuck sitting on the couch or at home instead of enjoying things. I have only gone so far as to wish 1/2 of my pain and fatigue on people and only for a few hours. I would never want anyone to have to experience this.

Debbie, I'm sorry you are going through this with your son. I'm not sure how old he is, but I know that my husband was having a hard time wrapping his mind around how I feel different on different days and there is no way of knowing how I'll feel. Well I shared the "Spoon Theory" with him after I read it in Fibro 101. It was so eye opening for him. He now understands how each day is different and if he or I push myself too hard one day I'll pay for it after. He even now sees me running on empty and refers to my spoons :) When he's exhausted he even asks if I have any to spare (Yeah Right!). If you think it might help your son to understand a little better or to lay off a little bit than it's worth a shot. I know I've since shared the "Spoon Theory" with others with Fibro and people who genuinely ask me what it's like living with it.
Posted 1/7/2011 3:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hello,

This certainly sounds familiar.  I have a son that is quite the no-it-all as well.  Although he means well and I love him to death, he is awfully set in his ways and opinions for only being 26...lol!!  The funny thing (although it's probably not really funny except to me and all of you) is the entire family has come down with the flu, you know the one where you're in the bathroom every 15 minutes and achey/sore everywhere..ha!ha!  Just miserable!!  They've been lucky enough not to have had a flu like this ever before!!  Well I looked at them and I said "aside from the stomach/bathroom issues, the achey part, the sore/stiff pains, thats me just about every day", they just looked at me with this blank stare and said "are you kidding" and I said no I'm not, so now do you understand just a little bit???  I think it opened up their eyes and made them think!  Fortunately for them it's gone away, but hopefully they will remember it when they see their mom limping around and moaning in pain!  Just thought I'd share this with you all if you get the opportunity to make a comparison for our dear loved ones....Jenn

Posted 1/7/2011 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
Debbie, I have a son who was just like this as a teenager. I am not an arguer or debater. I just causes me too much stress. I absolutely hate any kind of conflict like this. I finally had to start leaving the room each time he tried to engage me in an argument. He caught on, and started following me from room to room in an attempt to pursue the argument. At that point, I started just leaving the house if possible. His memory was not that good, so by the time I returned, he would usually have forgotten the whole thing-that is until the urge to argue would hit again. He is now 22, in the Marines and married to a very nice young lady. His involvement in the Marines seems to have changed him a lot. Well-that and being married. His wife is not above giving him a knock on the head if he needs it, and she can get by with it where mom couldn't have!
Posted 1/7/2011 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
I don't know what it is about sons, but seems like some of us have a lot in common. 

 

My son that just had the defib/pacemaker put in somehow thinks he knows a lot more than I do. 

 

He says it's all in my head and it's just a crutch for people.  I think because he has a college degree and his poor old dumb mother doesn't and he is a principal at school and mom is just a instructional aide that he is bound to know more than I do.

 

I just hope I'm alive to see the day come that proves it's not in our head.  Maybe he will at least live long enough to see it come to pass.

 

Until then I will just smile and leave the comments to him.

 

God Bless!

Shannon

Posted 1/7/2011 8:32 PM (GMT 0)
Achey,

I so agree with the part about not arguing with people. I guess I've gotten to the point that I just don't explain anything to anyone anymore. I feel how I feel no matter what name you give to it. If you (general) think I'm lazy or crazy, then color me crazy lazy. I just don't feel like I have to justify myself anymore. If you've walked in my shoes, you can judge me; if not, don't even try it. eyes

It does make it more difficult if it is a spouse or a parent (if you are dependent on either) who gives you a hard time. But if it was my child, I would just take it with a grain of salt. Our kids may become more educated than we are, but in the areas of life experience, wisdom, and often suffering, they have a lot of catching up to do. nono

My answer if my child dares (lol) to criticize my health or related choices: It's not up for discussion.

Hang in there and keep loving him in spite of his ignorance. smilewinkgrin

Hugs - Austen
Posted 1/7/2011 9:20 PM (GMT 0)
I know all of you are right - it's not worth arguing about. No matter how hurtful it is that significant people in our lives can't just believe us, that's the way it is...

I know with my son, it wouldn't matter what I showed him, because he knows better than doctors, psychiatrists, teachers - anyone besides the chosen few he looks up to (I'm guessing there are about 5 in the world.) He's beyond old enough to know better (28) but, "gifted and talented" as he is, he's never been able to see things from anyone else's viewpoint, and that is a huge problem.

At least we do have eachother! Thanks, everybody for weighing in.

Debbie
Posted 1/8/2011 12:38 AM (GMT 0)
Oh girls this is too rich! I thought I had the #1 Jerk of a son and come to find out its heriditary. All the issues they will have, all the prob;s are going to be our fault no matter what. No one takes accountability on themselves anymore. My sons extremely book smart, 34 yr. and thinks only of #1..I think our Fibro genes have left a blank space in the section of brain marked..compassion..
I love my son dearly, but no more arguing, put downs or tactless comments from him..I cut him off and let him know a.s.a.p. Not here buddy take it elsewhere..If we don;t talk for long, so be it.
Like the saying goes, what goes around comes around. When the kids get old enough to mouth off, there old enough to get out and face the hard issues of true life. In the mean time, we;d busted our butts for them, its time to take care of you. there..I feel better...hahaha
GROUP HUG,,, Barbara
Posted 1/8/2011 12:49 AM (GMT 0)
Ah Deb,
My sil was the same way and he is 28. My sister was like that for a little while, too, but not anymore. Just wish there was a temporary fibro injection! You just wanna pound them on the heads!

Jen, I used the same explanation with family and it helped. Good idea.

Sue
Posted 1/8/2011 2:32 AM (GMT 0)
I have a sister who is the exact same way. It is good that she lives in a different state than me! When we were younger and lived in the same house, she was always accusing me of faking not feeling well. Back then we didnt know about fibro, but the fatigue and pain were very real.
Posted 1/8/2011 4:05 AM (GMT 0)
Sister here too, same attitude. Enjoys the arguments, will not let you respond, etc... drives me crazy
Posted 1/9/2011 3:33 AM (GMT 0)
I have a stepson, while he is not a know it all with me as he doesn't talk to me much. He wants mommy & daddy back together after 20 something years (dad and I have been together and it is not my doing that they split). He is rude and choses not to even say Hi when he sees me.

Pretty sad as I have done Christman and birthdays, not daddy but me. He blames me STILL that they are not together. I am used to it now I guess but it hurts my feelings to this day.

I don't even bother explaining fibro to anyone as they usually don't have nice things to say just the others.

OK, done whining for now................I hold too much in
Posted 1/9/2011 8:46 AM (GMT 0)
I have a sister, who is a nurse, who is the same way.  She is my younger sister...by eight years. My husband is undersatanding and compassionate, thank goodness!  My elderly folks live with us, but I don't say  much to them. They have their own aches and pains. LOL

I do get a little aggravated with the folks when they tell me they need something at the last minute, and I am trying to get home from work in a snow storm and aching all over.  They seem to think I am still 20 years old and healthy as a horse. Ai Yi Yi..

It just seems to me that healthy people generally cannot empathize w/those who have health and pain issues.  That is not universal, of course.  Maybe our society has become way to self-centered, or maybe that is just human nature.

I must agree w/everyone who says it is best not to argue.  Conflict like that makes me ill, and I refuse to let people who don't care rob me of my energy and joy.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Peace,

V

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