Stress is just killing me - not literally but you know what I mean.

Fibrofog is really killing me. It started at the same time as the sudden tmj last november, but I hid it for a while. Now it's killing me. First, I was forgetting the little things. Loosing the car, you know, the normal "I'm just too busy" kind of things.

Then, got diagnosed with the fibro for real (instead of it in my head as hubby thought) and the stress of the new meds caused more fibro fog. Had the esophageal spasms, sent life back intoa tail spin. Then, just as that got under control, my mom called to say she has cancer - 2-4 months left to live. Great. There went my brain. At work I was having to survive off the notes I took when I got my job cuz I couldn't remember anything. Learning to deal with the fog, went to NY for a trip, Very relaxing, but fought with my mom while there, which sent the stress level up again. You know what that can mean. came home, slept for 3 straight days, then seemed to slowly wake up, then something else happened - don't ask what, cuz for the life of me I can't remember.

Went to see Harry Potter, a series I have loved since the start, and listened to every book on audio tape. Can't remember part one of the danged movie. Wait - cant' remember part two of the book either. So it was like a brand new movie stuck out in never never land where things didn't always make sense. But at least I remembered what movie I was going to see - lately I have a tendency to forget between taking my seat and the time the movie starts. That's kind of freaky too.

Heading home to visit my ill mother tomorrow nite. Stress going back up again of course. Really need to find a way to make the stress go down - but without ignoring the entire world, that's not going to happen. My editor thinks I've lost my mind, because i'm using the wrong words in my manuscripts, and my sentences are starting to drop too many words to make sense.

My husband is telling me I'm not trying - seriously I am. The other nite I went to taco bell for him and ordered him 6 burrito supremes. He wanted 6 taco supremes. 4 of them are still in my fridge cuz nobody can eat 6 burrito supremes. How can I THINK the word taco and SAY the word burrito?

I think, in a few months, I'm gonna just go find a beach somewhere, stretch out on the sand and don't move. Think that'll work?

I'm sorry, Teresa, really I am!  I understand.  And sorry to hear about your mom, too.

3 years ago, I'd just lost my mom, just found out my dad had ALS, (and then he was gone in less than 3 months) and I was the primary - everything - moving him from facility to facility, interfacing with the IDIOTIC medical system and every other system, stress stress stress....it's a wonder I could remember how to breathe.  I made a lot of stupid mistakes, but I couldn't have tried any harder, that I know..

And you are too!  People just don't understand what pain + stress (and yes, meds too) can do to a person, till they've been there. 

Yesterday my husband and I were driving to Best Buy and I suddenly forgot where we were heading.  So I got flustered and turned too fast into a parking lot that has a bump in it.  I can't go over bumps at a normal speed - it kills my back.  I know that bump is there, have known it for years, but I wasn't thinking - oh well!  He is used to me, but sometimes I can tell he's irritated. 

SoRRY, world!! 

Debbie

   

Thanks ladies! I appreciate the support. I'm good with handling stress, typically, but with the added fibro fog it's making it a little harder. And you know what? The fog has gotten worse since I went on the meds. It was there before, but now it's like about 5X worse. I've had fibro more than 10-15 years, I'm betting, yet the fog only got bad on rare events before. Now.... it's horrid. Before I just had the phase out fogs... where I can stare into space and not remember the day - that typically only happened when my hormones were going nuts. I didn't typically have memory issues other than that.

The journaling might be a good idea. I'm also considering moving into keeping lists (which I hate to do). I don't have a smart phone, so it'll have to be handwritten notes.I may have to invest in a better phone (if hubby gets a new job he's applying for).

I think the hard part is that I'm a very practical person, and I have always made decisions and tasks quickly and effectively. I remember I was taking a class on radar interp when I was in the AF and a girl cried because she couldn't keep up with me. I told her, don't worry about me because I have to go fast, if I think, I make mistakes. Now I have to think BECAUSE I'm making mistakes, and it's really difficult for me.

Teresa, I am so sorry you are going through this. It must be so hard to deal with your health as well as your mother's condition. I really do understand what you are going through in terms of the fog, as do most of the people here.

The fog is horrible for me, too, and I can relate to how its effecting your work. I'm in 3rd year university and my course work is very reading and writing intensive. It's hard to remember course content, let alone go back and write papers on complex subjects. When I'm not flaring I can do a great job - always get above 80 - but when the fog is bad my concentration, along with my grades, goes down the toilet. It's so frustrating for me because school is something that I truly have a passion for, but the fog limits me. I also feel so limited when I can't hold conversations or I misuse words, and its something that my bf and my friends are always critical of. It makes me feel stupid, even though I know that without the fog that is not at all the case.

Have you tried taking any medication for the fog? I have heard that several ADHD medications can be helpful, although I have not tried any myself yet. Ephedrine (an over the counter stimulant) has been quite helpful for me when I need to get something done, though it needs to be taken sparingly because of its side-effects.

With the stress of your mother, maybe taking some time off to relax on a beach isn't too bad of an idea. It sounds like you can use some rest. Best of luck :)