Another update...caution its a whoosie

Hi all, so just a quick recap. My daughter had her hysterectomy and was released from hospital. I was going over daily to help out her, her hubby and the girls. I would go over in the morning to help the girls get off to school and then tidy the house do laundry and her hubby would stay downstairs in his man room or take the dog for a walk, then he would get the girls for lunch and take them back to school and pick them up after.

I was trying to keep up with everything and also teach him to take her a glass of water without being asked, to be sure she was eating and to be helpful to her, since he was at home there should not have been any reason for me to be there he's a grown man. I should have been going over for a couple hours a day to give him a break instead I was turned into a maid.

Anyway fast forward I left him to deal with things a week after her surgery thinking he would actually be able to handle it. She showed up at my house 3 night later crying. He not only did nothing he insisted she drive him to all the places he wanted to go. She was exhausted and almost fell into our house. I had talked to her several times on the phone during those few days but he was always listening so she told me things were fine. When she was too exhausted and sore to do one more drive for him he told her to get out of his house and go find a new boyfriend.

So her and the girls show up here and we immediately take them in and show them all the love they were needing. If the grown ups work this out thats their choice but I just want my daughter to get better. Her stitches pulled so she had to go spend another night in the hospital, since then I have been doing the driving and watching the children. They are still here but the SIL decided he does not like my hubby so the children are starting to spend more time at home with him.

I am constantly exhausted and hurting, I have been able to have 1 bath because its difficult to have 8 people's needs and schedules organized in such a short amount of time. My hubby has kicked into overdrive he is helping so much and is trying so hard to not say things that will offend anyone but its our home and he is feeling like he can't be himself at home.

So the update is what it is, when she is here she is resting and when she isn't here she comes home exhausted and bleeding. The mama bear in me wants to deal with SIL but that will not help anything. I could sure use a hug, I am a tired and very sore mame bear.

I am so sorry, I had to vent or explode.

I don't think that is *just* "mama bear" feelings. If she was your friend and not your daughter, you'd feel exactly the same way. Her boyfriend, who is supposed to love her, is treating her like garbage! Then again, maybe he was never nurtured and has no idea HOW to nurture...so I will cut him a tiny bit of slack here, but maybe if he is saying she should find a new boyfriend, she should listen. He's saying it in actions AND words, isn't he?

 I'm sorry for your daughter & grand daughters but most of all my heart goes out to you & your husband.  Somehow these things seem to fall on the broad shoulders of one or two & it's just so unfair.  I'm assuming you have fibro to boot.  Wow!  But I have to thank you for sharing your story because it address an issue I've been too embarassed to write about until now.   Here's why I can relate.

Briefly, I have a 21 yr/o daughter with a 2 y/old child & we, her father & I, are her ONLY support system.  Her financial situation is horrendous.  She does not drive (couldn't afford gas if she did) and is currently unemployed, but looking for work.  She's got multiple health issues now & has doc appts at least once a week & a surgery scheduled next month.  Guess who gets her to these appts & watches the baby too?  Bottom line is I am running myself ragged 'doing' for her.  I want to help & do all I can & more.  But it seems never to be enough & my body is rebelling.  It looks very possible that she may even have to move in with us & I'm very, VERY angry about it.  She made bad, awful, horrible choices for years & wound up in a mess.  We did everything to help her avoid just this life, but here she is & now WE are paying dearly for it.  I'm 50, and not well (& I believe the stress she caused is a major factor).  My husband is 52 & just had a heart attack 6 months ago.  All we want is a simple, quiet life.  If she has to live with us we'll have to move & the tiny bit of peace we managed to find after the years of hell she's put us through will be all gone.  So my heart really goes out to you.  How on earth do you do it??  How does this all affect your health? 

I just reread your post and believe that you were only referring to this new incident (from surgery) as an issue but I got from your description of the SIL that this really has been going on/off for some time and this is not the first that you and hubby had stepped up to plate. so, if I overstepped the boundaries and this isn't a constant issue, I would like to apologize for reading more into it than intended.

I'm glad your daughter had you to lean on when this happened. Hopefully this will open her eyes to who her husband really is. She has enough to deal with and doesn't need another "child."

Please set some boundaries before she moves into your house permanently. You've said before that your hubby and daughter don't really get along. Your hubby deserves to be able to relax at home, and your daughter needs to know that.

Most of all, you need to take care of yourself so you don't end up in the hospital yourself!

I'll keep your family in my prayers.

Joy

Well, I'm thankful for the posts encouraging some separation. in my heart I know this is the right course for everyone's best interests. It's just so hard to watch your child suffer, regardless of the reason. I never thought I'd be one of those mothers but here I am and wondering how I got here. Thanks to all of you for your words of wisdom.