Sex

I was wondering is it just me or what.  I no longer want to have sex.  It makes me hurt worse.  Not only during but after too.  And I rarely 'get there' anymore.  I could use any suggestions you might have.  My husband is sweet about it.  But really, going so long in between is not fair to him.  And I miss the closeness.  Help?  Anyone?

I agree that you should look into your meds. Antidepressants in particular can have the side effect of keeping you from "getting there."

While loosing spontaneity can seem wrong sometimes it is better to plan. Pick a day when you have little to do and take it easy. Take a warm bath, take extra pain killers if you need to, order in so you aren't tired from cooking. Anything that helps you feel better.

I know it is difficult, but it is worth it. I've worried that sex for my husband and me has become 'routine' because there are few positions I can use without pain. But anything is better than nothing.

As I read the words, I began to cry because this is the first night my husband decided to move out of the room. It all comes from not being able to perform in bed. I guess this is his way to get back at me. My libido has been bad for many years, but has hit rock bottom now. My health has gotten worse, especially the muscle tone. My husband has been told by many Dr's of my condition, but it doesn't matter it seems. I wish he would just hold me and not expecting the other. I feel guilty and it just makes things worse.

I don't know if anyone else had this because of Lyrica - I don't know what else it could have been but my dosage got raised and all desire went out the window. My boyfriend tried to initiate things and I felt nothing - he got really upset when I pushed him away but I couldn't do anything just to do it. He eventually understood but its really hard on a relationship and I'm only 24. My boyfriend is 23 and he certainly still wants to. When I asked him how often he wanted to have sex he said every day and my eyes nearly popped out of my head. My body would fall apart - we've managed to find certain positions that don't hurt me as much but sometimes its really funny and I'd love to make a sitcom. Its so unromantic sometimes. "No that hurts - no, move a little - okay no we have to switch - my legs are hurting - okay time to stop I can't do it anymore" SO sexy. I also have endometriosis and one of the symptoms is pain during sex! Makes it that much better. I'm every man's dream. He gets mad at me sometimes and I wish he wouldn't because I think a "MAN" wouldn't. He's more understanding than other guys I've dated though so I shouldn't complain.

Ak Angel - I hope things look up for you and your husband. I don't think he should expect so much of you and be more understanding but I'm not in your relationship. I hope things improve.

My sex issue is that if I do "get there," I have muscle spasms that roll through my body a few minutes after. Sometimes orgasm is unpleasant & I know that's not normal.

Ha ha! I hear you, Klambert, unfortunately! Which lifetime was it in which I was a sexual being? I've lost track..... :(

Debbie

Samirish,

Hello!!! I too am in the same boat as you and a lot of others are in. Sex usually is so not on my mind. I'm on leave from work now so I can sleep all I want. That helps a little. I've noticed when I don't have as much stress and pain, I am much more into it. But it hurts my husband. The new meds I am on for depression Cymbalta and Welburtrin XR, well they have managed to take my drive away. But I usually have to resort to the actress in me too, or Hubby gets so upset. If he thinks for one second that I don't enjoy it or hit the sweet spot, then it's a major issue and I have to hear about part of the encounter for him is me and getting there. I know I shouldn't but sometimes I wish he would just learn to enjoy himself and not put so much demand on the actual "the actual howling at the moon". He tries to understand but sometimes he gets all depressed because I am not the initiator, heck If it was up to me I'd love to cuddle and kiss forever. He is 46, I keep thinking that age will slow down his libido...but I think that will be a very long time.
I think men don't understand that although a "Howling" is always wonderful, the act itself can be very satisfying for us. Please know you are not alone.

AK Angel...hugs go out to you sweetie. I know how frustrating it can be for men, and on the whole relationship. I'll be praying for you that you and your husband can work this out and that he will be back where he belongs shortly.

-Monica

I'm not on any medications right now, and I've experienced this too. It's good that your husband is understanding, and explain to him that you want to have sex with him for the emotional closeness but it physically hurts you. And really, your orgasm is not everything when it comes to sex. You can have emotional closeness with him through mutual backrubs or cuddling sessions or whatever.

Klambert...You made my day...that is just about it in a nut shell.....thanks for sharing..lol..

I too struggle with sex. I was sexually abused by my father as a child, so I think I had a rough start. My husband and I had a healthy relationship in this way until I was pregnant with our son. So 16 years ago something happened. Our healthy relationship of togetherness in this way has never been the same. I tried to resolve this many times over the years with my husband never being able to explain to me why he was so reserved while I was pregnant. Was I a whale? Was he afraid of hurting the baby? IDK.

Since then we've had our ups and downs. Still never really getting to the bottom of things. I resolved to let it be long ago. Never really understanding how to deal with it. Suggesting counseling back then would have sent my husband over the edge. Even though I knew we needed it. This is TMI, but my husband used a lot of magazines and such over the years. I've never quit understood this as why would he have needed that when he had me? His only reply was well I am a man you know. Like that was supposed to explain it?

Our relations in this area have not ever been satisfying for me. I have always wished he would understand how I felt about his magazines and my feelings.

Since I was dx with Fibro and MPS in 07, it's all been my fault and downhill. We have been to counseling. We were given an assignment to find books or DVD's ect which could help us get back on track. I looked for stuff with relation to Fibro. My husband didn't even look. My question is why? He didn't want to? I tried talking to him about this, but he usually not honest about his true feelings and things just seem to come back to me. "well I don't want to hurt you".

I have pretty much given up. We have relations a couple times a year at best. I haven't a clue what to do about it. And, I am not into doing it just for him... I believe it takes 2 to tango and if it's not feeling ok for me, I am not willing to do take one for the team. Maybe this goes back to my abuse IDK. My husband does not ever initiate anyway so? When I was 1st dx with MPS I had severe pelvic pain. Sex would hurt for a week after, and no pain med I ever had was enough. I suffered badly. This is pretty much where it stopped.

To the gal who feels bad because her husband moved from her room, I am so sorry! Please please do not take this on yourself!!! My husband and I have not shared a room in 5 years. He snores like a bear and I have pain which keeps me tossing and turning all hours of the night. We decided it was to save our marriage. Had we not seperated bdrms? I am pretty sure we'd be divorced. There were nights when his snoring even before I was ill had me wanting to strangle him with a pillow.

This is a tough subject to tackle even if we Fibromites were not sick.

My best to all

@ sos0007

YES we are!! I told him the other day that I can't imagine him not being in my life while I'm going through this illness...He said, why? because I'd be more depressed and more fat and no one to encourage and push me even when I don't want to do a thing! He also knows when not to push...we are truly blessed..

I've gone through all the thoughts of why me...why this and why now? I now try to focus on my beautiful hubby, kids and grandkids that bring me so much joy...I find that when we are all together like we were over Thanksgiving, I was just plain giddy! My son in law ask me what was going on with me? are you drunk? HAHAHHAHA, I responded no, I'm am just so happy because we are all together!!

Bless you as well,

Merry Christmas!!

Jerrie/FibroNana

I've never had a huge sex drive and the fibro only makes that worse. I haven't had much of a sex life anyway with my wife's headaches for the past few months. Last night was the first time in over two months that her head didn't really hurt much. So, taking advantage of the opportunity...it was great but I'm hurting today! I woke up at 3:30 am with burning pain in my arms and legs and feeling like I'd been beaten with a baseball bat all over. It's never hurt even a quarter of this much the day after. Makes me never want to have sex again. :(

Acheybody,
My husband told me after the birth of our first kids (twins), that he felt guilty like it was his fault I was in pain during the birth. In the old days, the men wouldn't be present for the birth, but in 1993 when our first babies were born, and of course now -- the men are. Just a tjought that something like that could have been in your husband's thoughts after you had a child. It doesn't necessarily mean he found you unnappealing, but that the guilt could hsve been bad. You may have to see if you can draw this out of him. It could be this issue. Hugs.