Overwhelmed

Big meals and gatherings can do that. I cook for most of the gatherings. here are the coping mechanisms I find helpful.

Do what you do in advance, including setting the table.

Assign a job to your guests. Carrying bowls to table. Lighting candles, music starting. Filling glasses.

It can be managed. You just need a schedule.

Yes, I get overwhelmed very easily. Yesterday, I only had to bring one dish, which suited me right down to the ground.

What got to me was all the talking, chaos, everyone talking at once. I never know whose conversation to tune into (I'm hard of hearing) and end up trying to hear them all - and hearing none.

Then, there are all the undercurrents of family dischord that are deep and old and always seem to hurt me more than anyone else....by the time we actually started eating, I was exhausted!!

Debbie

Hello I can totally relate to the overwhelming feelings. I get so overwhelmed I can't even enjoy the meal which has been prepared when its actually all done and ready to eat. All the distractions from guests and worrying if everyone has everything they need. It is exhausting, even before I had Fibro I was like this.

I am in the process of trying to get my older son (near 25 and with serious gf) to understand that these holiday traditions he is used to can continue... but they do not have to be at our house. They live in a small 1 bdrm apt with 2 dogs. I was hinting that maybe Christmas could be at his house? The way he sees it, is why would we want to come to his home and be all cramped at his apt.?

Each year since I was dx I have tried to pare down the holidays... I have reached baby steps. My husband now does much of the cooking (daily), and did a a lot rhia Thanksgiving, however the organization of what we would eat, what recipes would be used and the what to buys at the store were still on depended on by me. I was still in charge of the meal.

I am with sos007 time to pass down the responsibility. Not that I thought I would ever be at this place so early in life. I am 50.

Wow kidzmom, that would have sent me over the edge! I think I may have said could you PLEASe make your own coffee? I mean having someone offer or go shop to bring things is AWESOME! But, to throw it at you isn't really helping?? Yikes... Funny ending though, sitting on a box of crackers. hahah

Almost... I had to learn a new game on Thanksgiving too, everyone wanted to play Scattagories. (sp?) It was fun, and not too complicated I caught on soon enough, though I was not able to come up with enough good answers, felt stressed and wanted to not play the game. I only did to be a good sport with the crowd. I've not played Cribbage in years, and I bet I would have a hard time wrapping my head around it now. Fibro messed with our brains in a not good way. I know this must have been so difficult for you. I really understand. I am always super hesitant when anyone wants to try teach me a card game especially. There are sooo many numbers and colors and things to remember. It's so hard. I will sometimes just say, I am not good at cards. I will actually bow out and let others enjoy rather than have them go through the frustrations of teaching me. It's stressful for me too, and makes me feel terrible.

Here's to Christmas all!

I get overwhelmed easy as well. I've started ordering a prepared meal from out local grocer. It has taken so much stress away from me. I usually just makes dessert, which is something I enjoy anyway.

Sos, I wish I had a daughter, not that I don't love my sons!!!! But, boys don't get it like girls, no offense!! My son up until this year, (now that he has a serious gf) has not ever offered to help with the holidays. He just would show up, hungry and expect it all to be done for him. Like I said earlier I've been trying to pare this down for a few years, however he still doesn't get it? This year he became very offended when his gf text me and asked if she could bring something for Thanksgiving. This was the day before. I told her we'd had it covered since we were not used to having our son offer to help. It's his own guilty conscious making him angry I spose. IDK what to do about Christmas? My family is used to be the big event Christmas Eve. Before I was ill I used to go ALL OUT, and make a nice meal Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day. We had tons of gifts, lots of food and everyone had a stocking stuffed Christmas morning. I have stopped working and we are barely afloat keeping our home and paying the electric bill. There is no $$ for gifts or lavish meals. We even spent too much $$ on Thanksgiving. I know it will work out. I am just trying not to stress on it right now. I have no plan, but something will work. Thanks for writing to me, I appreciate you.

I've learned that I can't do dinner parties or holiday gatherings. We go to my MIL's for Thanksgiving because she seems to enjoy doing it, and I bring a dish or two. If she ever decides to stop (which is fine with me), we will either have to get it catered or order pizza.

I also don't have friends over for dinner unless it is really, really casual. I'm fine with meeting them for dinner at a restaurant and then maybe having them over to my house for dessert - which is usually store bought.

We have Chinese take-out on Christmas day, and that is always fun and completely no-stress.

Just getting the house clean for company is about all I can manage; I can't be expected to cook on top of it!

Hi Kitten5502,

It is very difficult just starting out with fibro. For years I even had difficulty excepting it. What helped my b/f understand what I was going through was his reading about fibro and going to my rhematology appt with me. I also tell him about some of the things I learn on this website.

Good luck to you.

You're welcome.

Perhaps if your daughter went with you she could explain things to your hubbie.

Good luck.

Well, This is my First holiday formally being diagnosed with Firbomyalga. The new doctor I switched to seems to think I have had this over 3 years. I have been sick/hurting/anxiety, long laundry list. I have seen 3 other doctors... Diagnosises were always fat, Depressed, dehydrated, thyroid. Nothing they did helped me... It has got progressively worse. I was pregnant,so i always blamed everything on that, but the last three mths has been miserable. Back to my Thanksgiving, I completly over did it!! I went couponing in the morning @ CVS and walgreens. Took 4 hrs and then came home and got my 3 children ready. and finished cooking a couple of things and getting everything ready to go.... I was already exhausted. We drove 1 1/2 hrs to be with my family. I really am glad we went the kids had a blast and everyone was there but is so different now that i am sick. Then my husband and cousin wanted to go to kohls for black Friday . My mom was in town so i had a babysitter which never happens. So I sad YES! what a mistake. We only went to kohls and and couple stores at the outlet mall. By the time i got half way though I could barely lift my legs. The next day I stayed in bed at least 20 hrs and was hurting so bad. It took three days of almost complete rest to recover. This is my favorite time of year!! I love to decorate, all the parties, shopping, eating and spending time with all my family. Now i feel like I CAN NOT do it!! I feel so overwhelmed and scared and it makes me so mad and anger to be hurting and not feeling good. Its very scary to think how my life has changed, when i look back to four years ago... I was working 2 jobs (68 + hrs a week) going to college 18 hrs a wk (with 3.9 GPA) and still shopping, going out, never tired. Now its a chore to go to Walmart. I don't even want to leave my house. I hate to think what the next three years holds for me...

Hello Crystalblueyes....I agree with Almost but I do have one thing to add. Pace yourself...this is very important when you have fibro. That is why you had to rest up 20 hrs. after your shopping event. It's like if I gave you $10.00 and told you it has to last you for the week, You would have to spend it wisely. This is also true of fibro. I hope that helps. Good luck on your journey, it is possible to still have a good life just adjust the way things get done.

Bless you, Amy