I'm on to the stuff I have the most difficulty with, mostly because I don't feel like I've answered the questions with the proper focus. Here is an example, if anyone would be willing to critique/edit. I would be so entirely grateful for any input. The stress levels are back up again. (TGFX - Thank God For Xanax)
[EDIT: This is the next step, form
FUNCTION REPORT - ADULT - Form SSA-3373-BK, part of the packet sent after your initial application is submitted. I am working on it ahead of time.]
SECTION B - INFORMATION about DAILY ACTIVITIES
6. Describe what you do from the time you wake up until going to bed:Days vary. It usually takes at least 1-1/2 hours to get out of bed, becaue I am too tired and disoriented. Sleep is un-restorative every night now. I am so stiff and achy, often with a headache, that I spend a minimum of 1 hour sitting on the couch propped up with pillows waiting for some of the symptoms to reside a bit. I always have nausea upon waking and can't eat. At that point, I usually do not have energy to shower. I often go without if I don't expect to leave the house. If I do shower later in the day, it is just too tiring and difficult to wash my hair more than once or twice a week. It is embarrassing and demoralizing and I often feel ugly and useless. I feel trapped in a body that I hate and don't want people to see me.
I am not given warning to what my day will be like at any time. Sometimes in the afternoon, I am maybe able to concentrate for a few hours. If I am lucky, I might get up to three good hours of focus. I use this time for paperwork, bills, important phone calls, etc. Days where I can do this are random, and it is not unusual to wake up only to find I will spend that day and the next few days in a fog, unable think clearly at all. I cannot concentrate at all on those days and find myself anxious and panicky about
my life. Because of this I am often late returning important information for my health care and even this disability paperwork has taken me four months to fill out, even this the help of friends. I often feel hopeless and that I have no future. On these days I am exhausted to the core and sleep on and off all day and only get up to use the bathroom or grab premade food. Meals are reduced to the simplest, no-cook, low-mess choices because of severe fatigue. Frozen meals, sandwiches, cereal, or canned food are my main options. I used to cook often when I was younger but no longer have the energy or concentration for it.
I like to keep my house clean, but I find myself letting things wait more and more, which is embarrassing and frustrating. I used to clean homes for a living and cleaned my own regularly. It is too exhausting and painful now. I cannot finish even the basic chores (vacuuming, laundry) without having to rest and feel horrible for the rest of the day and often times the day after. I am responsible for my own lawn-care and my ability to mow is erratic and unpredictable at best. At worst I am forced to wait up to three weeks for a day where I have enough energy to do it, small as my yard is. I risk fines from my park manager on a regular basis and often feel guilt and severe depression about
my inability to keep up with woman twice my age. Even with many breaks during, I'm often bedridden that evening and for two to three days after. I cannot afford to hire out a lawn service but desperately need to.
At some point in the day I need to lay down for a minimum of four hours. I usually feel exhausted and headachy just from being awake for awhile. It seems to be that for every four hours I am awake, I require four hours of nap, though this is not consistent, either. There is no real way to schedule any commitments due to my erratic symptoms from day to day or even week to week. I miss many appointments, commitments, holidays, and family events. I am often home alone, watching the outside world from my window. I enjoy few activities anymore and see friends less and less. My night consists usually of reading or watching some tv. Depression and anxiety worsen at night, even if my physical symptoms are slightly less severe at this time of day. Though I may be able to move around more, my mental state keeps me from focusing on anything but my declining quality of life. The main focus of this nightly depression is my inability to work to support myself. I worry about
losing my home and my independence.
At some point I attempt to sleep but I often cannot find any comfortable position and spend the entire night sleeping fitfully except for a few hours early in the morning. There are many nights where I am up every hour with pain and do not get rest at all, exhausted as I am. The day is usually spent wasted in bed when that happens. I will have migraines, nausea, deep depression and severe anxiety on those days, even with medication. And again, there is no predicting the nights where this might happen. I have no "normal" days anymore. My last normal day was more than 6 months ago, and it was completely random.
Post Edited (karona) : 8/6/2012 3:06:41 PM (GMT-6)