A fulfilling life (?)

What is your definition of living a "fulfilling life?" It is a question I have been struggling with a lot lately. I have a whole host of health issues, and to be honest, fibromyalgia isn't the squeakiest wheel on the cart for me, but it definitely moans and groans as I roll along. I am in the process, right now, of waiting for a new diagnosis (recent testing shows some abnormalities) with more aggressive, yucky testing (with all of the discomfort and anxiety that entails) to come over the next couple of months.

This seems to be a repeating pattern with me. I adjust pretty well to my current circumstances, and then inevitably, a new symptom, a new diagnosis, and/or one of my "old" illnesses flares or changes, and here we go again.

I realized this morning that I am perpetually in a holding pattern. I am always waiting. Waiting for a test. Waiting for a diagnosis. Waiting to feel better from this or that condition. While I am waiting, my life is passing me by.

So what is your definition of a fulfilling life? How do you live day to day in the midst of and/or in spite of your illnesses? Aside from the physical stuff like exercise, stretching, etc., how do you make yourself feel better emotionally? How do you plan for an uncertain future? How do you live in the moment when often the moment kinda sucks?

I try to do what I enjoy. Yes, sometimes it is hard. But I think it far worse to let fear dictate my choices.

I think, in some ways, religious faith/belief can be an asset at these moments of doubt and frustration. More power to those who do believe; It's not the path for everyone.

Positive thinking, knowing yourself and taking care of yourself, AND not letting the condition define who and what you are.

Austen, you have gotten some wonderful thoughts and suggestions. I do understand. This winter my social life consisted of doctors' appointments, tests, MRI's, etc. But yet, I kept on living. It sounds like your health has become an all-consuming thing. Don't let this happen. Your health issues are just a part of your life. How large or small a part is up to you. Don't worry about the future since we don't know what will happen anyway. Just live one day at a time.

I was very much like you quite a few years ago. My Crohn's disease was in full swing so I couldn't leave the house for very long, the fibro kicked in and the start of diabetes ocurred. I had three children and just couldnt believe all this was happening to me. I made myself to push forward and continue living. After all, life goes on no matter what happens and I didn't want to have my life pass me by.

Then the unimaginable happened. My husband died suddenly. As tragic as that was for me, life went on. This put my health issues in perspective for me. I figured we just have no idea how long we will be here so I determined to enjoy each day and live my life the best I could. I wasn't going to let my crummy health keep me from living.

I continued to make plans with family and friends. I didn't always feel like going when the day arrived but I went anyway and always had a good time. Just getting out and about made and makes me feel better. Getting dressed, putting on make-up and facing the world with a smile really put my health problems on the back burner for those moments in time. Now this has become a habit with me. When I'm with friends and family I'm busy enjoying my life and I don't think about all the health problems. I don't discuss my health problems either. I do enough of that with my various doctors' appointments. I will not let my health steal my life.

So my advice to you is to start living again. Make your doctors' appointments, write it on the calendar, and then start living your life. You can have a lot of enjoyment and make many memories between your appointments. Worrying about tests doesn't change a thing. When you get results and see what you are dealing with, then you can face that head on still continue to enjoy life. We only have one shot at life on earth so take full advantage of it.

Reread the link in Fibro 101 about maintaining a positive attitude. It really is quite good and I have gone back and read it several times. This could help you too.

Now, take a nice deep breath, smile, and make a luncheon date with friends. I had one today and tomorrow I'm going out to dinner with friends, too, and I can hardly wait! Living life will make you stronger and stronger and your health issues will make you a very compassionate person. Then, when you are old, you can look back and say, "Wow! I have had an amazing life in spite of my health problems!". And you'll have the memories to prove it!

Sherrine

Austen,

I'm sorry you're going through this. Hopefully you'll get a better diagnosis than you fear. It's hard! There's just no way around it. Sometimes I'm pretty good at keeping my emotions "up," and sometimes not so good.

One of the things I personally find to be the most deeply frustrating is my lack of organization. I have all these areas of my life where I need to get all my paperwork together and "move forward," as they say these days. All it takes to pick up my mood is to start on any one of these and see just a tiny bit of progress...but about half the time, I can't even remember this! I'll start categorizing something a certain way and have to stop - and then, the next time I fight my way out of the blues and the fog and tackle it, I decide on a different system, and I have to start over. My hubby the lawyer just shakes his head. He says there is no right way. I agree, in theory.

But I figure the fact that I care about these things in the first place is a good sign! What I'm trying to say on your original topic is, I feel the most fulfilled when I let myself get lost in something that interests me....in spite of the pain, the fear, the wondering what's around the corner. What do they call it - something that makes time stand still for you...

Debbie

Austenfan I totally understandwhat you mean. To answer your question, I find that trying to find enjoyment out of the little things helps me. I try to find something, anything, even if it is small, to find a little happiness. I am struggling with my fibro and my back. My doctor is FINALLY ordering an MRI for my back. And I was just put on a new medication that I hope helps.

You are very right. It is very hard to live in the moment when the moment sucks. It's hard to plan for the future when you are stuck with so much crap going on. I am sorry to hear that you are going through so much. This may sound silly, but I love "Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss. It really talks about life.

So how do you live a "fulfilling life" when you feel like crap? I just do the best I can. I find the things and people that make me happy and I do them or hang out with those people. I wish I had more advice for you, but, in all honesty, I find mysself struggling with the same questions you are. I hope things go better for you.

*soft hugs*