Newby

I've had fibro for 13 years. I'm feeling very sad today. My marriage of 25 years ended a little over a year ago. The stbx was cheating for at least 9 months previously to that and not for the first time. Upon joining a divorce support group, I've come to learn that my stbx emotionally and verbally abused me - a narcissist. My father is also a narcissist.,so I've been in this situation all of my life.

Anyway, it's been a year. My two daughters live with me to help with expenses and physical limitations. My stbx has fought me in Court in the divorce. He makes 15 times the income I do. He doesn't think i deserve anything. Anyway, I get a little alimony ,but not enough for my living and medical expenses, so I need to work part-time which aggravates my condition. Stbx filed bankruptcy the day before our final hearing so I wouldn't get half his pension and stocks and so he wouldn't be required to pay the additional required alimony. My divorce is delayed for 5 years until his bankruptcy is discharged. I can file a motion - but, alas, no money. I've had to borrow over $10,000 from family in the past year just to live and for my attorney's fees. I have no way to repay any of this money.

Anyway, I have no life. I have only enough energy to work and go to my numerous doctor's appointments. If I don't work, I don't get paid.

Everyone's life has moved forward and I'm here barely surviving financially for the past year. I have no money to go out to eat or meet new friends, etc., which help to a degree. I am also in counseling. I belong to a fibro and divorce support group, but I'm too exhausted from working to cultivate new friendships, even make phone calls, etc. I'm only physically able to do certain things. Just to enjoy a couple hours out, I need to rest the day before and day after. After working hard for most of my life, I have nothing. My house is in short sale.

The ex has all the money and is out partying, etc. He can fight me in court as long as he wants to. I think he's hoping I'll die before he has to split his stocks and pension.

I can't stop crying today. I fell useless. I'm thinking who would even want to be my friend, I tire easily, I'm physically limited, old, sad, etc. I just don't see my life getting any better. I did find holistic doctors that helped tremendously with my symptoms, but I can no longer afford them, so my symptoms are getting worse again. I'm already on depression meds.

I've had some really good days, but I'm so tired today. I'm tired of being the strong, responsible one. I was so active pre fibro. Now, I barely function.

I feel like a burden to all. How do I get beyond this? I don't see my life getting any better or easier. Is this all I have to look forward to?

Hi Debbie,

Stand in front of the mirror, smile and give yourself a big hug from me! 'Tater is right, it can only get better. Time to move on and up, up , up!

Cheers1

Debbie, as the others have said, hold your high. I know it hurts to even have your head on your neck somedays, but use chat strength to hold it high. about going out, with fibro it is a treat to go out and not be a party pooped sometimes. I ruined more fun times than a few b/c I got sick from heat, headache, back pain, etc. That's just the change you take with fibro. You will meet someone, when you least expect it that will be accepting and understanding. As far as, go get the help suggested. Forget about the ex. Only you can decide what is worth fighting for. I gave up all the money from my cheating ex b/c it wasn't worth the stress for me. I struggled and still do sometimes but am working on disability and went and got help. Hang in there. I will be praying.for you!

Thank you, everyone, for your support. Yesterday was one of the worst days so far for me. I am in the process of filing bankruptcy. Just getting the paperwork together is overwhelming. I've been working on it for over one month now. It gets pushed to the back burner to concentrate on work. The only problem with disability is I need to be out of work for a year and I just cannot afford that right now. Plus my amount of SSD has decreased as my ability to work has decreased over the years. There is no way I could survive on disability.

Today is an awesome day.. I think I was just exhausted yesterday. I try not to burden my two daughters when I get so low. I'm a planner and I need to remember with my situation to just take one day at a time. I think too much sometimes. I was just too tired yesterday to distract myself, so I had the meltdown.

All your suggestions are great. It's funny that I'm aware of all the suggestions above and live by them, but some days, my mind just feels overwhelmed and I can't think straight.

The support from all of you has helped me tremendously. Other fibro sufferers really understand what we deal with daily, pain, thoughts, etc.

I hope everyone is having a feel good day!!!!

Hi, Debbie, and welcome!  You really have had and are having a rough time.  I'm so sorry you are going through this but you will win.  You might have to wait five years, but you will win.  You can get attornies now that don't accept payments until they win, too.

 

You need to take some time for yourself and put thoughts of your ex on the back burner.  Don't think about him.  He isn't worthy of the energy involved.  You will take care of him later.  Don't think about what he is doing now, how much money he has, etc, because that is a total waste of energy and also totally depressing!  You are allowing this fool to negatively affect the rest of your life!  Do  you honestly want to give him that power?  If anything, you are  making him happy.  I know you don't want to do that! 

 

Instead, focus on  you and the rest of your life.  There is a wonderful life awaiting you.  You need to take one day at a time and make the very best of that day.  On the weekends, invite friends over for dessert and coffee.  That wouldn't cost a lot of money and the company and change of discussions would be good for you.  Also, try to do some walking.  When I have been really depressed, walking helped me a lot.  It raises the endorphines in  your brain.  Plus the scenery is good for you...better than four walls and a ceiling.  Look at the flowers, critters, clouds, and walk with a smile on your face.  Yes, it does make a difference!

 

Make two lists.  One with the negative things in  your life and one with the positive things in  your life.  The positive list will be a lot longer.  You have a roof over your head...a positive.  Even though you are selling the house, you will find a nice place that you can afford and that will take a load off your shoulders...another positive.  There are always positives to every negative thing in  your life.  The positive thing about your divorce is that you are rid of an adulterer.  At least he isn't around to cause you more emotional pain.  You are starting out fresh again and good things will come into  your life.

 

Be sure to read Fibro 101...the first thread on the forum.  There are links to good info about fibro and you will learn a lot there.  There are also helpful suggestions, too.  There is a link about maintaining a positive attitude in Fibro 101.  This has helped me a lot and I still go back and reread it. 

 

I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.  Don't hesitate to ask questions because we are here to help you.  Hope to hear more from you soon.