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Hate being a constant disappointment to my daughter.

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Posted 3/5/2013 12:06 AM (GMT 0)
Just venting. My daughter is a VERY active 7 year old. And every night, it breaks my heart as I disappoint her over and over again. She doesn't have any siblings. There won't be any siblings. She wants to PLAY PLAY PLAY!! The other day she hopped in, on her own, and did some pretty great chores for me without my asking. She dusted the whole house for me and ran the little vacuum all over the house. When she was done, she asked if she could have a treat for being so helpful without my asking. I said "Absolutely!!"  did she want allowance?? nope. Candy?? nope. A new toy?? nope. The treat she chose - to play with me. She wanted to play with me, with her littlest pet shop toys.  And she did it again yesterday. Whiped the counters down, folded clothes, etc. Just to get a "treat" of playing with me. Talk about making me feel like a big pile of POO!! It's especially been a struggle since I've been trying to get back into working. She'll even pick activities like Im her patient (so that I can be laying down while we play) but she gets so tired of that. And every night we read read read. She's a 7 year old reading fool. She reads "big girl books".

Lets all start some SUPER DUPER prayer posts for there to be a miracle cure. Ya know, before my daughter goes off to college??  :-)

mad Like I said, just venting. *sigh*
Posted 3/5/2013 12:13 AM (GMT 0)
She sounds like she is growing up to be a very special girl who loves her mom.
Those reading times I'm sure she will treasure for her whole life. :)
Do you own a game like a Wii or Xbox? You can play some of those games with her without getting too active. I've gone to a second hand store and bought items for my Wii very cheap.
Posted 3/5/2013 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
Fox,
I can feel for you..it is the same here, but mine is 10! And she has siblings, but they are all in their 20's and don't live at home...

What about some crafts?? have you been on pinterest? Shay and I spend 1/2 hour on that everynight planning some crafts to do, making our list of needed supplies..

Reading is great too! Good for you to do that :)

What about doing each others nails? or buying some hair stuff and letting her play hairdresser? That way you can still sit there..or a hand held game?

Hope you feel better soon, and tater is right, your daughter will look back and remember this time with you..no matter how you spend it!
Posted 3/5/2013 2:46 AM (GMT 0)
I am pretty much in the same boat, I adopted my husbands Grandaughter when she was 9 mos old, she just turned 9 years old, she is the only kid in the house as all our others are grown. It can be very boring for her with me and my Crohns and Fibro and my husband with his back problems. We try but dang we are in our 50's and she is very active, exhausts me. I feel so bad for her also as she wants me to go hiking, did the other day by the lake and sank in mud, about killed me to get out of there.

Good luck to you , hang in there!
Posted 3/5/2013 3:28 AM (GMT 0)
When my kids were small I had Crohn's disease really bad and i couldn't be far from the bathroom, had much cramping and totally fatigued. I couldn't do a lot with my children either and one thing I really have regretted was the fact I could never take them on a picnic even though we lived beside a park system.

A few years ago my kids were here altogether. They are all wonderful adults now and I started talking about how I wish I could have been a better mother and all the things I wanted to do with them and I started crying. Well, my kids acted so surprised. They said I was a great mother to them, I was always there for them, I had nice meals for them, etc. They said I was a much better mother then what their friends had. I could t believe it. For years I had beaten myself up over this.

You see, what is truly is important to the children is your love, your attention, your caring. They know they are the center of your life and you are there for them. I also think having chronic illnesses makes us more compassionate and understanding, too.

So don't beat yourself up over this. Your daughter loves you, can see you need a helping hand and she is more than willing to help you because she loves you very much. And her treat? YOU! Now how wonderful is that! She is a very special, compassionate little girl and she got that way because she has a very loving and attentive MOM...YOU!

Sherrine
Posted 3/5/2013 4:18 AM (GMT 0)
It's hard to see their disappointment - I know, I went through it, too.

My youngest didn't get taken to the park much, because of my worsening Fibro and back problems...I always felt bad about that. But just like Sherrine's kids, she was surprised when I mentioned it. She said she had a blast growing up...of course, she did have siblings, so that helped.

The kind of "imagining" play that kids love really takes energy for adults - at least, it did for me. Not sure why that is...

You are doing what you can. I think reading together is one of the best things you can do for your daughter, especially today, when schools are so focused on tests that they hardly have time for reading for enjoyment (but don't get me started on that! ;)

Your daughter sounds like a real sweetie ~ you must be doing something right!

Debbie
Posted 3/5/2013 4:26 AM (GMT 0)
I know I struggle with feeling like a bad mom. We were such an active family before my fibro moved in. Now I feel bad that I can really only do certain physical activities and I still over do.
They do know that I love them more than anything. We do play basketball every night and both kids live to read. I just try to do as much as I can but I do worry that the may resent that I had to cut back our activities.
Posted 3/5/2013 5:08 AM (GMT 0)
I'm the mom of an only child, a daughter, too, and while I didn't have fibro her entire life, I did have many other health issues. Sometimes our time together consisted of me lying on the sofa and us just talking together. We read a lot and watched a lot of movies. We would go outside, and I would watch her do gymnastics. She would ride her bike, and I would sit and be the "drive thru" lady. We would play beauty shop - I would sit and she would do my hair and make-up. I would be the voice of Barbie. Well, you get the picture. She is now a beautiful, well adjusted, very, very mature college student. And we are extremely close.

Your daughter won't remember "what" you did together. She will just remember that you WERE together. The activity doesn't matter. Just be the one who sympathizes, empathizes, and understands her. Be the one she can come to and talk to. Her childhood will be rich as a result.
Posted 3/5/2013 9:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,
I don't have kids but I understand where you're coming from. I feel good one day, make plans for a few days out and end up having to cancel them cause my pain. My poor husband gets the full brunt of this let down. I feel horrible that I can't do the things I used to do. I have to wake up and if I feel good I do things that day. Unfortunately that is not how things work. My parents live 20 min away but I end up canceling on them too. This Fibro and everything else I'm dealing with have ruined my "used to be active" lifestyle. Very depressed.
Izzy sad
Posted 3/6/2013 1:20 AM (GMT 0)
I think everyone is right, she'll remember THAT we spent time together. And lots of it. No neccessairly what I could or couldn't do. Thanks for putting that into perspective!!

Izzy, I SOOOO feel your pain with my husband too. He handles it all. Work. Chores. Ok, he handles ALMOST all. I ~try~ to at least do dinner every day. Many days it's from freezer to oven to stomach. Hate eating like that but I guess that's better than nothing. I'm am lucky in that he's a home body and never wants to "do" anything anyway. Its me that WANTS to do stuff. Just can't. On the days I do, I pay for it for a week. Sex, what's that?? Lol. I'm seeing a pain management clinic on the 12th. Hope I dont have my hopes up too high. I just want a life back. I want MY life back. :-)
Posted 3/7/2013 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
Single mom of a daughter who is now grown, but I used to be her exhausted playmate a LOT.

One of her favorite was turn off all the lights, I shine the flashlight and she put on a show for me.

Also, kids of able-bodied moms don't get attention and lots of action all the time either!

Posted 3/7/2013 8:07 PM (GMT 0)
I am starting to feel the guilt that you all speak of.  My 10 month old is becoming very active and will be walking and running around soon.  I am getting very exhausted when I have her all by myself.  I work 4 days a week and am home 1 day with her by myself and two days with my husband.  Not only do I have to work, but I enjoy working.  I also know that I wouldn't be able to take care of her every day, the physical demands and exhaustion would just be too great.


The other night I had an aweful flare that accompanied a snow storm.  For the first time since she was born I just had to lay in bed for a few hours in agony.  I felt awful that I could not play with her.  I tried to sing songs with her but couldn't actively hands on play with her.  I am convinced I have the most caring and compassionate baby in the world.  She truly gets it.  She always offers kisses if she thinks someone is stressed or down.  The day of my flare she just kept resting her head on mine and giving the most gentle and sweet kisses.

Soon after having my daughter I had the opportunity to listen in on a web conference about parenting with chronic illness.  Thank God for that!  Every person on the panel said what everyone on here is saying.  We will feel guilty, but our kids will not notice.  We will go so far out of our way to try to compensate for what we feel we are lacking that we will fulfill their needs more than other parents because we will be so in tune with our kids.  The participants also said that their children are the most thoughtful, caring and compassionate people.  They have learned through their parent's limitations what it means to be empathetic, independent and confident.

I think your daughter truly values the time you do spend with her.  It is so sweet that she chooses you for her treat.  Try to enjoy the time together rather than feeling guilty that you can't give her more.  She is trying to help you because she loves you and appreciates you.

 

Posted 3/8/2013 11:40 PM (GMT 0)
Wish I could have had a class like that :-)! Thanks for the kind words. It helps to hear things like that. I'm still having a VERY rough time with the headache. I'm on 8 straight days. My daughter says to me tonight, "Mom, no matter what you look like or what you smell like, you'll always be the best mom in the world"  lol.. I said, "That rough, huh??"  Honest I shower once a day. Sometimes it waits till I go to bed.  Today is one of those days. Worst  headache day thus far. Spent the whole day with the heating pad on my head, alternating with ice. My hair looks like a rats nest!!!  I asked her if  I smelled that bad. She said "Of course not. You smell pretty like flower!"  Out of the mouths of babes :-)! If I did smell bad, she'd be the one to be honest :-)!
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