Does having others validate your pain help ease your suffering?

Does having others validate your pain ease your suffering?

Having my docs understand my pain and symptoms is important because they provide my treatment. Finding a good doc is so very important. I know many of us have experienced trying to find a great doc. I now have a great team.

Initially, it was so important that my family and friends acknowledged that I couldn't do all the things I used to. I just wanted understanding and acceptance. No one can truly feel our pain, but it does seem people with chronic pain are more understanding.

After years of living with chronic pain, I've come to the conclusion that our own acceptance of our condition is also very important. Our perception of who we are greatly influences how we are going to help ourselves. The goal is learning to keep pain from being the focus of our lives. Validating our own condition and working to have a good life brings lots of satisfaction.

Is validation important to you?

Hugs, Robin

It was VERY important to me to find a doctor who understood what I've gone through; I actually cried in his office after he told me he thought I had fibro. I've had many doctors who just dismissed me, and having one who acknowledged my pain and fatigue and WANTED to help me was enormous.

And I need that understanding and acknowledgment from family, too, especially from my husband. He still is just so resistant. But my friends are great, and understand if they call me to see if I want to do something, and I can't manage it that day. They even offer to take my kids places if I'm hurting and can't get out.

Good feedback..

Aside from professional people, I feel incredible stress when I am with family member or friend who believes I am a liar.

I think I keep my feelings inside a lot. Even when I run into people I know at the store or checking the mail. I always say I am doing good and turn the conversation around to how they are doing. I feel it is easier that way. I don't know if it is actually healthy but it definitely is easier than having to talk about it. My sister has fibromyalgia so she understands. I have a cousin with rheumatoid arthritis, so she understands. I have another cousin with fibro. So I don't have family to deal with in that matter. And my husband is very supportive. So I am lucky there.

My doctors are very supportive too. I would hate it to be any other way I guess. I do feel extra fortunate.

I guess I don't have a lot of feelings of anger or frustration, basically because those feelings mean trouble for me. But I think having a place to express them (this forum) is such a wonderful thing. I think this forum is a lifeline for many. I am happy to be a part of it. Being able to come here and talk is a wonderful thing for all of us. Sharing everything under the sun... It is a safe place, your feelings do get validated here. We are all very lucky to be able to come here and express our feelings and views.

With that, I want to say... Have a wonderful day all!

Hugs, Karen...

Doctors are like everyone else. People, too. I recently read a book called How Doctors Think, by someone-or-other. It was very interesting, for it offered insight as to how doctors make a diagnosis, and how very easy it is to get things wrong, by following one symptom instead of another, missing something that changes the whole process, or by having a pre-conceived notion on their patient's problems.

Sometimes they strike out, sometimes they bat 1000, and sometimes they hit the ball. I could go on with this metaphor, but you get the point. Wow, I really hope that 'bat 1000' means what i think it means.

During the first year of being sick, it certainly seemed like hell on earth that I was in so much pain, so exhausted and going through so many confusing symptoms; and barely anyone believed me. I felt like my life had ended - not only could I not do things, but I had lost my friends as well. When some people were finally sympathetic, it made all the difference in the world to making me have the motivation to get out of bed, push through the pain and fatigue, attempt year 12 again and eventually go to university.

It was so important to me to finally find a doctor who actually believes that I suffer from all the symptoms that I say I do. And he actually seems to understand that I need treatment for FMS pain, NOT soft tissue injury. The previous doctors gave me analgesics and anti-inflammatories - which do not help FMS pain except in the sense that they blunt the effects of incoming stimuli, which helped a in a minor way. But this doctor actually gave me a proper FMS treatment and I cried when it actually helped with the pain. Then I wondered at myself - I cry because I'm in pain, which makes sense, but then I also cry because I'm no longer in pain...?

The most important people to understand:
- health professionals (especially my main doctor)
- close family (it makes a HUGE difference that my parents and siblings finally understand, as well as they can, anyway)
- best friend (she made me feel like I still had value as a person despite my new limitations - she was the only person who understood and believed me right from the beginning, the whole way through)

When I first came to uni, I left behind all the abovementioned people and I had no one who understood. This was the most distressing part of moving out of home - not having to look after myself, not having to make new friends, but just finding that no one understood. That's why I looked online for the support I need. I am so glad I found you guys! I might have given up on trying to do university if it weren't for you. Actually, I'm almost certain that I would have given up.

Yes, and it's wonderful! We definitely fill an important need for eachother.

You have a great one too! 

Debbie