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Posted 11/12/2013 2:17 PM (GMT 0)
I feel like there is nothing else I can do to get this pain to ease up. It's every day with pain. I have taken it all. And it seems I just have to deal. My husband is not very understanding. He comes in and ask what are you doing. And I am laying in bed. When he could walk in and say. Oh babe another bad day. And be loving. I love him with all my heart. He is good at times. But he is mostly very critical about my pain.
Yesterday was one of those days I wanted to end it. But thankfully a friend reminded me why I need to keep fighting. My kids. I cried all day. I just get so sick of people telling me what I should do or should take. "Oh this person has fibro and takes this and they never have a problem" well not me. I am starting to feel like a real whimp most days id rather be alone and not have to explain myself to anyone. Because nobody understands unless they have it. I'm just tired and warn out from it all.
Posted 11/12/2013 2:37 PM (GMT 0)
I'm truly sorry that you are are in such pain...I'm sorry too that your hubby isn't providing the emotional support you need. Our own emotions have an affect on our pain levels...when I'm feeling down, my pain is much more intense.

You may still be mourning the death of your good health, and that does add to the pain. Have you thought about talking to a therapist? Sometimes it takes help to reach a stage of acceptance. It took me a while before I was able to fully accept my conditions. After I reached that point, it became easier to cope and deal with the pain.

Take time for yourself each day to do something you love to do...you are worth it. Hoping you find relief soon!

Hugs, Robin
Posted 11/12/2013 5:28 PM (GMT 0)
Babyblue79: I see you are a new member. Welcome! And please know you are not alone--we all know what you're going through and we do care.

It sounds like your husband doesn't understand what fibro is about. That's understandable, and if I had a dime for every time well-meaning relatives or friends said things like "Hope your pain is gone soon" (meaning completely gone, as in forever!),  I'd be one rich lady. They can't seem to grasp the concept this is a chronic condition.

You said "I love him with all my heart." I'll bet he loves you just as much, but isn't good at expressing it. Have you had a good heart-to-heart talk about your health with him? Does he understand your limitations? This may help: 

http://www.fms-help.com/healthy.htm


And being chronic, it does take time for us to adjust. I'd start by reading fibro 101, and also looking through the posts here. You can also do a search on specific topics, of course. Learn as much as you can.

Take it day by day. Try not to stress as much as possible--it will only cause your muscles to tighten. I think we who have had fibro for some time remember what it was like to, as Robin said, mourn the death of your good health. But that only means our lives have changed, and we need to rethink how we do things.

Have you had a talk with your doctor? Seen a rheumy and/or neurologist? Maybe, too, if you list some specific problems here, we can help you with ideas on making things better.

It hasn't been easy since I first had fibro, but in some ways it has helped me to grow and to look at what's really important in life. Every day, I try to make life just a bit better, and in that way, fibro has been helpful.

Keep posting--we do care!! yeah yeah yeah   Prayers for you, too. 

Posted 11/12/2013 6:22 PM (GMT 0)
Sounds like you have a healthy dose of depression alongside the condition. I understand. So do I.

Are you seeing a therapist? Have you been evaluated by a psychiatrist? This can help.

It does sound as if you are still in the grieving part of the condition, and that's powerful stuff. However, I don't think we have the choice to give up fibromyalgia. I mean, I would love to drop this at Goodwill, and so would most of us. Show of hands: who likes this?

So, your options, as I see them, are: continue to stay in bed and be sad/angry/frustrated/in pain, OR start trying to make the best of it with counseling, activity, medication, supplements, exercise, diet, sleep, and making smart choices.

Yes, it bites. We do understand.
Posted 11/12/2013 6:44 PM (GMT 0)
Baby blue- once you get better control of your pain, things usually get better. I couldn't remember what are you doing for pain control? It's not uncommon to feel some depression in all this. You don't want to let the depression take over. Even if you feel very bad , try not stay in bed. It just makes things worse. I was very thankful to be able to see a therapist and psychologist. I found out what triggers my depression is chronic pain. So once I got that under control it really made a difference.

At one time my husband didn't support me very much. Seeing a therapist and coming to this forum gave me hope. I am glad you are reaching out for support. Take one day at a time.
Posted 11/12/2013 8:19 PM (GMT 0)
You have gotten excellent responses, as usual. Our members have been there and done that and we have been in you shoes. Not fun but things can get better.

Please get out of bed and get moving. Gentle movement like walking really help with fibro. When I started walking I could only got four houses down and had to turn around but I didn't quit. I kept trying and now am able to walk over a mile each morning. I actually can walk further but I do the one mile every day. If I'm having a bad day with maybe a knee or my hips, I walk with a cane....but I do walk. It not only will help with pain but also with fatigue. Getting out and looking at all the beauty around you will also lift your spirits. So do give this a try. Walking and other gentle exercises like swimming and yoga have helped a lot of members.

I know it can be quite irritating when people tell you what you should do with your health. I had an acquaintance that did that...told me to stop taking certain medications....etc. She didn't have a clue what it was like to live with fibro. We just look fine to others and so we need to try to keep in mind they really are trying to help.

What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another with fibro so we do have to keep trying things. And, when we try things, we need to take them for a while to see of they kick in for us. Nothing I take helped me right away but by being perseverent, things worked together and now my pain is under control. I do a combination of over the counter meds, one prescription muscle relaxer, supplements, gentle exercises and stretches, gentle massages, and pacing myself. I know all that might sound overwhelming to you right now but it really is quite easy. I'm now in a routine and don't really think about all that I do for fibro...for ME! It gives me my life back and I've enjoyed my life since coming down with fibro 26 years ago.

I think I told you what helps me and other members do other things, too. Just keep reading post to get ideas. There are suggestions in Fibro 101, too.

Also in Fibro 101 is a wonderful link about maintaining a positive outlook when you have chronic pain. The suggestions are very good and I have read it many times...especially if I'm having one of those days. It does help and I hope it helps you, also.

Do feel better. You have a good life ahead of you. Just take one day at a time, keep moving, keep your hope alive and you just might surprise yourself!

Sherrine
Posted 11/12/2013 9:22 PM (GMT 0)
I wish you had better days and people who give you love and hugs! hopefully your pain would decrease soon!
Posted 11/14/2013 7:00 AM (GMT 0)
Babyblue,

I've been slow to greet you - don't know how that happened - but anyway, welcome, and I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

I understand your wishing your hubby was more understanding. I have that problem, too. Mine tries, but he has so little in the way of pain or medical issues that he just plain doesn't get it!

I also had back surgery in March of 2012. It was a discectomy at L4-5 (right up from yours.) I never got much help from him as far as getting dressed or anything else, after the first week or so. And you know how back surgery is NOT something you just snap back from! I still use a reacher (some call it a grabber) to pick up everything off the floor, because my legs still aren't strong enough to squat; they actually give up if I try, and I land on my butt (I also have a lot of nerve damage in the Sciatic area, all the way to my toes.) Hubby will actually say to me now and then, "I think you need to get rid of that thing. That would make you get better faster."

I get so frustrated with that attitude. I want to scream, "Oh, really?? And tell me, how exactly would I function in the world without it?" Talk about a disconnect!!

You've landed in a good place here. We DO get it, and we support eachother a lot.

Debbie
Posted 11/15/2013 4:42 AM (GMT 0)
Debbie I am so glad you told me about your husband not understand. Makes me feel like it's not just mine. I was starting to think it was causing him to be like this.

Ok about to really vent. I went to my CNP the other day. And I was severely depressed. Like thoughts of ending it all today. Which I hate to admit that. But some days that seems like the best thing or easiest thing to do. So she sent me to a therapist. Well it very clear to me that he doesn't not understand chronic pain. Or at least he doesn't know my pain. He basically told me to get up and walk an lose some weight and I'd feel better. And the pain will go away. And that my depression was not making it my pain any better. Duh, I know this. Then he said, look on the bright side of things. Well tell me exactly what is the bright think about your skin burning and it feeling like the burnt skin fell off and someone poured salt I. There and then rub it in. Now tell me how I'm suppose to look on the bright side of things. Or every day I am so tired because the night before you hurt so bad you didn't sleep. Mainly because you kept having a feeling in your leg that you are having a Charlie horse. Which that pain is always there. So then you sleep all day. I could go on. But I guess I am just sick if people telling me but you have so much to be thankful for. Well I know this I am thankful for a lot of good things in my life. But tell me how to find that hold person I was four years ago. Grrrr
Posted 11/15/2013 5:24 AM (GMT 0)
Find you another therapist. Ask if they deal with chronic pain patients. Therapy doesn't help if you don't click with the therapist.

If I was as down as you are I would ask for intensive intervention. There's no shame in deep depression. Please find some intensive help.
Posted 11/15/2013 6:11 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, people generally mean well, but so many just don't understand....

I agree with Joy, Babyblue, it does sound like you need intensive help. It's completely understandable - severe pain can send you into such a downward spiral! Many years ago, my back pain was horrendous every day, and I felt that I just couldn't go on, but once I found the right doctor, we got the pain down to a dull roar. My outlook improved immensely. I still have pain every day, but it's more like background noise now - most of the time.

Did you get a chance to look at the "Fibro 101" thread?

I hope you sleep better tonight.

Debbie
Posted 11/15/2013 8:42 AM (GMT 0)
As a man with fibro i sometimes have a hard time with it. I'll ask my self the sane thing your husband asks you. Why am I laying in bed? I need to get up and do something! I guess it us a guy thing.

I bet your husband wants to see you up and feeling better. Invite him to read through fibro101 with you. The is allot of info to help you guys better understand our condition. Make an effort to do a little more each day. It is a lot of trial an error to find the right mix of exercise, diet, and medicine to give you the most relief. Help him understand you ate trying to learn to cope and a more gentil tone would do wonders!
Posted 11/15/2013 11:00 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forums! Sorry that it's on such terrible terms that you're here but this is a great place for support, to vent, and to find information.

What Meds have you tried? I definitely agree to find another therapist. Mental health goes a long way with our bodies.

I also agree as a male that maybe your husband just is a dude and doesn't have the right words to match his heart. I always try my best to comfort my wife when she is sick or hurting, but we speak different languages as different sexes so when I provide solutions when she just wants to feel understood, etc etc. don't take it personal, if he's there then he cares.

I am praying for your health, that you find some relief, a new therapist that understands, and that your husband can provide some comfort for you.
Posted 11/17/2013 6:00 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your kind words. I guess should get my NP to find a therapist that specializes in chronic pain. And I probably want a female instead of male. So I can get personal. I will go back to this guy one more time and see if does better. My friend says the first time is weird. Because they have to figure out all your family history and why you are here. One more chance.
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