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Posted 3/31/2014 1:15 AM (GMT 0)
It's been quite a while since I posted, but am feeling so overwhelmed. I was diagnosed over a year ago with extreme fatigue and flu-like symptoms with occasional severe pain. Told my rheumy I could deal with flares as they came and went as long as pain was moderately controlled. To make a long story short..2013 was the "year from hell" for my family. Month after month of emotional/mental turmoil for my husband and me. I am just done now...haven't been able to bounce back as I once was able. I am 49 and feel 89. Even my husband who was so supportive, has begun to express negatively because I hurt moderately to severely at least 20 days a month. I just don't know what to do. God knows I have so many people who depend on me..husband, bipolar
daughter, mom ( my dad passed away last year after battling dementia), granddaughter b/c her dad is in jail, and a childless uncle with early dementia. I have always been caregiver and it makes me feel so unworthy b/c I can't do it all anymore.

So sorry for the rant...just needed to get off my chest. Thanks for listening.
Posted 3/31/2014 1:32 AM (GMT 0)
Maezyaya, I'm truly sorry for all that you're going through. You have done a lot to help care for other people, and if life was fair, you would now be cared for properly because you have spent so much time caring for others. At the very least, do not feel unworthy because your capabilities have changed. Every person is of equal value and deserves care and compassion. Please don't be hard on yourself; be self-compassionate, which is not the same as being self-centred.

I really hope things get better for you.
Posted 3/31/2014 2:02 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Jasmine Grace. I think I feel so unworthy b/c I have always enjoyed volunteering and caring for others. I always believed that was my "gift" from God so it's hard accepting that I am unable to do that which fulfilled me. It really helps having someone listen that understands what fibro does to you physically as well as mentally. My mom has fibro but she is still reeling from my dad's death so I don't want to add to her stress. She is also one who needs to fix everyone's problems. So once again, thank you.
Posted 3/31/2014 2:17 AM (GMT 0)
I understand where you're coming from. I've always been the caregiver and now I'm being cared for. I had to change so much in my life. Without my therapist I would be wollering in self pity still. It's hard to sit back and let others step forward.
Posted 3/31/2014 2:29 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks couchtater. Self pity is something I keep reminding myself is not helpful but harmful. I wrestle with it daily. I had thought to find a therapist in our local area, but I live in a small rural county. I know or are associated in some way with ones in our area. Have been reluctant to express all my family situations to somebody I know that well. I guess that's why I chose to rant here tonight b/c I was just feeling really low after my husband told me I needed new meds b/c I hurt all the time and had heating pads(3) on some part of my body all the time. I know he didn't mean it the way I took it. I so appreciate the ears.
Posted 3/31/2014 4:29 AM (GMT 0)
Maezyaya, I am glad your able to share your feelings with us. We all understand and we learn from it too. It makes me feel that I am not alone in this fight with pain and fatigue. I am 50 and feel 80 sometimes. I have used a therapist in the past and a psychologist. It really helped for awhile till I got stronger in mind. Sometimes finding the right one can be hard. Make sure they work with chronic illness. I also learned the difference between the psychologist and therapist Role. It took me a few rounds to realize my psychologist was only interest was my medical issues. Rarely do I get to discuss my feelings, that where the therapist comes in. You probably know all this, but I had to learn it first hand.

I hope you can get your pain under controlled. Pain issues for me are a big trigger for depression. So it's important to keep the pain under controlled. I use heating pad, heating blankets and subutex for pain. It was working so wonderful until the last few months, I have been on it for 4 years. I believe my body is getting use to it. Some days can be rough.

I am glad you came back to share, hope you continue to visit frequently. You need that support this forum gives. Try to use other outlets for pain control such as meditation, walking, inspiration things and etc.
Posted 3/31/2014 12:48 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Ak angel for your support. I also believe the pain makes my depression worse..then depression makes pain worse. That neverending circle. After such an emotional roller coaster of a year, I am in a down spell. Not used to being in one for so long. Think I will have to find a therapist somewhere even though every part of me rebels against asking someone I know to listens to all my weaknesses. I keep telling myself to get up and walk, but just haven't. I know gentle exercise is good for us I am just so exhausted I can't make myself get up and do. Another of those neverending circles. Thanks so much for listening and understanding.
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