Need reassurance... More people thinking it's all in my head

Hi everyone,

So for 4 months now I've been boarding with a couple to get out of my home environment. They are nice and they do care about me, but the husband has a "strong gut feeling" that my physical symptoms are the result of psychosomatisation and that I manifest them for 2 main reasons: needing attention and as an excuse to get out of work! The wife has been understanding of me but the husband is starting to convince her that he is right about my health problems. He thinks that it is damaging for me to be on a gluten free diet (he reckons that I'm probably only gluten intolerant because I am stressed) and to see the doctors for fibromyalgia ("you can go to the doctors and convince them of your pain to get a medical certificate to get out of uni, but it wouldn't be honest"). I love study; I want to do uni!

He believes that seeing the allied health professionals, the doctors, taking medications and supplements, getting medical tests, and following a gluten-free diet are just supporting a "sickness mentality" which is keeping me in a cycle of thinking that I'm experiencing physical symptoms. "The fact that the symptoms come and go makes me think that the symptoms are more dependent on your moods than on an actual physical disease."


"When you feel you need attention, you go to see the Occupational Therapist or doctor."

"Maybe I'm wrong, maybe your test results will show you have a disease, but I highly doubt it. My gut feeling is that it is mental, emotional and spiritual problem."

I know what he's saying isn't true, however i do also know that stress IS one of the triggers for fibromyalgia getting worse, so there is a grain of truth in what he's saying. But I definitely don't do this stuff for attention or to get out of work! Most of the time I hide my symptoms. "When you're doing something you enjoy, your physical symptoms are gone." Ha! That shows how much he knows! Enjoyable activities do help me to be distracted from the pain, fatigue, etc. and motivate me to push through it. But I also do unenjoyable activities (such as scrubbing the bayhroom) despite the additional pain they cause.

I want to keep living with these people because
A) they are helping to teach my life skills
B) it's a much better environment than at home
C) it's close to my health care providers
D) I don't have to pay rent, only groceries, utlities, etc.

But it is stressing me out a bit that he doesn't believe that my problems are physical.

The trouble is he already thinks he has done sufficient research. He told me he came to these conclusions by speaking to a couple specialist doctors, his mother (who is a nurse) and talking to his friends who know people with fibromyalgia, as well as observing me.

Jasmine, since your in a living situation that you can't change, just try not to get involved in a discussion about fibro. Look for others to support you. It sounds like he has his mind made up. All the discussion does is cause stress for you. Sometimes as much as you would like them to undertand it just not going to happen.

I know its hard to hold back how you feel because you want someone to care and understand. Maybe you can right down names for your support group and use them.

Are you able to help them with chores or other things that might need to be done? Sometimes when lending a hand as much as possible eases issues up. Hang in there!

Hi ak angel, I usually avoid such discussions, but yesterday my
parents and the couple wanted to talk together about my health. I didn't want to be there when they talked about it, but they insisted I be there since it was about me. So we talked for a few hours and all that happened (I think) is that we all understand each other's points of view now, but not one of us changed our opinions. And, of course, I barely slept at all last night because I was so upset over it.

I don't actually have a support group, and there's not really anyone understanding to talk to except you guys here on the forum, my OT (who I'm currently not allowed to see) and my Lyme Literate doctor (who the husband guilt trips me for seeing when I go).

Hi Jasmine:  Great advice above!

You've likely seen this before, but maybe it's worth posting again:

http://www.fms-help.com/healthy.htm

I, for one, get frustrated with people who don't seem to believe fibro can be so painful and debilitating. While I wouldn't 'wish' this condition on anyone, if they could spend a day in our shoes, especially when the pain is flaring, it would surely change some tunes!

But with that said, there will always be doubters--about just about everything, whether fibro or something else.

I hope things work out well for you. I do hope, too, you don't think you have to 'prove' anything to someone who doesn't have fibro. I remember in my early fibro years, I felt I even had to 'prove' to myself that I could still do everything. Of course, that's not true, and it wasn't possible!!

Hang in there and let us know how it goes.  Saying a prayer it all works out.

Hope you have a great week!

The bottom line is that you know you're body and you know when something's not right. People cannot possibly know what your life is like until they have walked in your shoes.

My life changed about 2 and a half years ago when I started to have Fibro symptoms and things have gone down hill ever since. I'm an entirely different person and even I can see it. My husband agrees and knows that something's definitely wrong and I'm not imagining it or faking it. He's been very understanding and patient. I could really care less what other people think as long as I have his support and the support of my children (ages 20 & 18) who can also see that something is definitely wrong with their mother. They all know that I spend too much time in the bed or on the couch and I used to not be that way.

I have stopped complaining to other people because they look at you like "yea, you're just crazy". I just usually make excuses for not doing things with friends or family if I'm not feeling well or I know I will suffer later.

I haven't officially been diagnosed. Over the last 2 and a half years I've seen several different specialists who have all done their tests that have all been normal and explained absolutely nothing. Two doctors have suggested Fibromyalgia so I think I'm getting close to a diagnosis.

Hang in there! Have FAITH and everything will come out in the wash.

My gut feelings on his gut feelings were expletives.

That is all. Carry on...

Well, you have learned something important, right?

The basics are what people have to do. They are non-negotiable. IF you eat, you must shop, cook, and clean-up. Laundry needs to be done every now and again, as does shopping. A more thorough cleaning of the kitchen and living areas. The basics are the least people need to do to get through life. Yes, other stuff is fun, but household chores can only be put off so long, even if you live by yourself.

Honestly (Sorry in advance!) I can understand their concern. You are a member of the household, and you will be a member of some household for a very long time. If you are not completing the tasks set to you, it's a problem. If you say you do not feel well and that's why you haven't done xyz, then they might be right to be worried about your health.

I am just saying do not discount their perspective.

Now, you know it takes time to adjust to what we can and cannot do. So, you have learned that the household stuff comes before the fun stuff, especially when you are sharing a house with others.

Hope you manage to find some peace in the situation soon.

By the way, the only reason that I had taken on so many activities in the first place was because in the first month that I stayed here, all i did was the basics. They were concerned that I wasn't doing anything with my life, so they told me that in order for me to be allowed to stay, I needed to get involved in community things. I took the comission seriously - and too far, I can see that now. But anyway, as I took on more things, as I felt the pressure from them to do more and more, I just started letting the basics slide, I guess. Then I suppose they realised they had pushed me too far and are now telling me to stop most of those activities and do the basics. Well, yeah, that's what I had been trying to do in the first place. But whatever.