Social Withdrawal or Comfort Zone?

I also believe that I have had fibromyalgia since childhood, my family (since there was no fibro in the 50's) always thought that I was weird. I've always felt that any social interaction took alot of energy. My mother told me that I was strange because I would only play for awhile, then I needed to go inside to play by myself. When I was in gradeschool, I would pretend to be sick one day a week because I felt that I needed time alone to recharge. I intuitively knew this about myself. The pain part didn't start until I was in my 20's.

Chuzzle, I always thought that "The Living On an Island" fantasy was mine alone   I've always lacked energy. I hate being in loud crowds-way too much stimulation. I babysit my youngest grandchild 3-4 days a week for maybe 5-6 hours a day. She is 2 years old and the delight of my life, but now, at the end of the week, I'm exhausted. Actually, my husband has been talking the whole time that I have been sitting here trying to think and write. So I do not throw something at his head and scream SHUT-UP after he prepared and cleaned up dinner. I must go.

I have to go to my mothers, been putting off and off now its been 2 months, I figure they think I dont like seeing them but its just so hard , This thing affects everything I do and how I am even when at their house its not like it all just stops for a couple hours though how I wish.  Its horrible knowing your hurting people but I just so much want to be left alone though this forum has given me an outlet that I can control and use when able at my own call.  Next sunday I hope im better for going there, other side of perth, doesnt help as movemnt in the car sets it off, the vibration.

Red Diane, I feel the same, I hardly see my family as it is just to hard to explain and its not the same,I have no friends, the kids are grown up  but are still living at home but are out and about,  same with tv, but I try to read even though can only do for few minutes at a time. I only go out once a week to the main shopping outlets and that is my day of pretending im normal, but I do look forward to it. It is the only social contact i need.My feet hurt also, like bone on bone, not all the time but enough that it is a problem.  I miss human contact sometimes but the reality is it just doesnt work anymore, symptoms change day to day so it is hard to arrange even a visit with the relatives.  I am glad I have found the forum, it is a big help to me.  That and my reading I guess will just have to do.

To all the homebodies out there dont feel guilty , try enjoy it, what else can you do.   sue

Excuse me but what is DH?

...and DM can stand for dear mods, dumb mods, or darn mods or whatever you want it to be! 

 

Sherrine

Hi Irish Babe,

 

Then you have dog ppl like my sister in law who loves designer dogs.  The smaller the better and whatever trendy bread at the time suites her fancy.  She gets these dogs and they are just a novelty to her ,she shows them off for a time then casts them aside for my older brother to care for.  And God forbid that they should end up sick or just not as playful as she thinks they should be.  When they no longer entertain or impress her executive friends they get sold to the highest bidder.  Her birthday is coming up and although my brother had put his foot down about no more pets with her behavior because its her 50th birthday he gave in.  She will be getting 2 teacup Yorkies for her birthday.  How could she resit at the bargain price of only 1,700 dollars not to mention the hundreds already spent for cute lil outfits and carrying cases(gotta be like the hollywood set). 

 

I feel so sorry already for these animals because it will be just like it always has been.  Another novelty for her to show off and have her friends ohhhhhh and ahhhhhhh over.  My brother has already figured how to pen them up all day because he is too busy to play with them.  At least she gets them in pairs so they have someone to play with sighhhhhh. Makes me so mad.  And speaking of her birthday,because its the biggee I have been invited to spend the weekend at their house.  Of course my mother was also invited so that means 3 days of me being in charge of getting her ready for whatever we are doing and cleaning up after her.  There is always something to be done over at their house,no just sitting and visiting and relaxing but a set routine of what to do on certain days.  I am already exhausted way before I even go.  I thought about playing sick myself but if I dont go then the invitation isnt so open for my mom anymore because they just cant handle her like I can.

 

My mom throws everyone off with her slower then slow ways and her inconsiderate attitude as far as sharing the bathroom with others or getting ready without prodding every step of the way.  Omg I went through this for a wedding over there and it was a nightmare.  And they are having this big ta do at some state park so that means being around about 50 of her "closest" friends.  Ppl that are snobby and always trying to top what the next person has done with lil time for any resting in between.  I hope my legs dont decide to swell that weekend.  Ok dont ranting.  But I understand the not wanting to be in crowds sometimes.

 

Hug's;

Karen

Karen, I agree with Alice 100% about your sisters 3-day party.  Only do what YOU want to do. 

 

Sherrine

HI folks,

This is a great subject.

A couple of years of excruciating pain and exhaustion left me isolated and house bound. However, I realized this was not good for me.

In a group that my doctor ran, we were encouraged to go outside at least 30 minutes per day to combat depression. Our entire group tried this and benefitted immensely.

After being completely bored with being disabled and having had to close my company, I went back to college online.

Five years, 2 degrees and 3 graduate certificates later I have started writing again (which was a mainstay of my profession). Soon I will return to public speaking.

In addition, I go to the pool every day, if I do not, I suffer.

It is not always easy for me to be out and about but it has done me a lot of good. I also got a power wheelchair so that I would not tire so much while socializing. I take my chair on vacations, to parties, go to the movies a lot and see theatrical presentations on a regular basis.

I ignore house cleaning completely.

I just felt to young to isolate myself. For me it is too easy because I do find socializing sometimes painful.

I am making new friends weekly and go out to lunch with them. You see, the wheelchair keeps me independent, healthy and active.

Recently I have had to turn down subcontracts because I know I have to work on a non fiction book project and can no longer be a workaholic.

However, I am having fun nowadays. Just in a lot of pain while enjoying life.

Donnaeil

To Donnaeil,  you shame me, its fabulous that you are able to get out and about and work through the pain, I feel a bit silly now,just every day just seems the same.  I have found joining the forum the first step to my depression.

To Marlee, thanks reply, I dont think I have spoken to Sherrine yet, I will look out for her and see about the hard time.

Donnaeil you are an inspiration.

 

I don't have the social life I use to have but I don't believe it is healthy to become a recluse and that is very easy for some us to do. I guess I love to talk too much for that to happen to me. We have a family reunion coming up for my DHs family and I will be meeting many people and will be talking for three days, probably none stop. But when we get back I will also enjoy my alone time.

 

Suez, you have no reason to feel shame on here. This forum does help, that's why we try to keep it up beat and fun. Stick with us and you will get to know Sherrine. She is the little trouble maker.

luv and hugs

Marlee

Hi everyone!  I was thinking about this post.  As of May this year my life has changed drastically.

I still don't know if I have fibro, or if all this pain is back pain related. I am seeing a rheumatologist on Sept 5th.  I am in so much pain I finally took a leave of absence at the end of July.  I feel so disconnected from my friends and I really miss my work.  The first couple of weeks I was off co-workers called to see how I was doing.  I tried not to complain, but found myself very emotional because I am in so much pain.  I would often end up crying when I talked to them.  I am really having a tough time dealing with this.  I always had low back pain due to an injury 14 years ago, but I learned to deal with it.  Then all this pain hit after I did alot of extra activity during a remodeling project on our home.  How I wish I had not pushed myself to such extremes because I think that is what brought on all this pain.  Anyway, now my friends don't call very often, and when I call them they always seem to busy with their own lives to talk to me.  A very close friend has distanced herself from me which hurts me deeply. I was always the talkative, bubbly, happy person.  When I do talk to my friends from work they keep asking me if I'm better now and when I'm coming back to work.

They seem surprised that I am not better.  I feel so isolated and blue.  My husband works and golfs alot.  I am jealous that I cannot get out and socialize.  I keep telling myself to snap out of all this and just deal with pain, but it is so bad I cannot do it.  I sure miss my old life, and wonder if I will ever feel good again.  Thanks for listening to me.  It helps just to get this all out.

Thanks for all the kind words Sherrine. Pain started between my shoulder blades and again in my low back. I thought I had just strained a muscle or something and it would get better.
After a couple of weeks and no relief I was sent to physical therapy for 4 weeks, but the pain just kept getting worse. It progressed to my neck also. A recent MRI showed some mild to moderate disc bulging in my neck and thoracic region, and arthritis in the facet joints in the lumbar region. Doctor recommended epidural injections. I had one in my neck, then two weeks later I had a shot in the lumbar region. The injection in my neck did not help at all, the one in my low back helped somewhat. Now I am having neck pain, shoulder pain, bi-cep pain, pain between shouder blades and pain in my low back. My butt is numb from referred pain from the lumbar region.
Ice is the only thing that feels good on my back, but moist heat feels good on my neck. I also started aquacise classes to help with the pain. I feel wonderful when I'm in the water, but a couple of hours later the pain returns, and is sometimes a little worse. When I look at all the symptoms of fibro I have alot of them. I just don't want to have that as a diagnosis because I want this to all go away. It's like a nightmare. I'm really having trouble coming to terms with living with this much pain everyday, and hope it gets better. I've been in pain for four months now. I am taking an antidepressent to help my deal with depression. Anyway thanks so much for replying to my post. I've learned alot on this forum and am very grateful that I found it.