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Posted 10/16/2008 9:45 AM (GMT 0)
How do you do it??  Go on day after day, month after month, the same crap..just a different day.  Everyone has something in their lives that makes them profoundly sad, or deliriously happy.  This disease, with so many hidden shadows waiting to swallow you up whole!!  I cant stand it sometimes!!!  I have more on my plate than a hearty young man at a feast, and I am so %%***#! sick of it.  Cant sleep, dont want to eat, cant take the proper meds, (although I shouldnt ***** about that...I do live in canada)  but still!!!! 

I know alot of you out there are suffering along with me...death, financial losses, illnesses...unhappy marriages, no marriages, sleep deprivation, people on all sides of you tugging at you...gimme gimme gimmme....alcoholism...how do you do it???  I am going through a very tough time...no different I suppose than many of you...but my WHOLE life has been like this...and now...well now it is jussssssssssst toooooo much. 

I used to live with that little terror in the back of all mothers minds..losing a child, and if you have...the growing fear of losing another child.  I should be on my knees thanking God for sparing at least one son...but I feel absolutely miserable...and of course..guilt for not being more appreciative of that!!  Is it me??  Is it these diseases I have??  Have I finally reached my limit??

 

Tell me what you do when and if you get like this...I always found comfort in prayer...but lately...I sometimes feel like I am praying to dead air.

I'm sorry I have NOT been around much at all..I feel horrible about it...but I sit here...read your posts..and I just stare like an idiot at the screen...mind blank...devoid of any thoughtful responses. I care..I really do...I just feel so bad.  Most of you know me as not being the venting type...or at least I dont remember venting..please accept the appologies of a sleep deprived...thoroughly "pissed off at life woman" 

 

Oh boy....it's almost morning cry

Posted 10/16/2008 1:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Diane,

I know that it is so hard for you right now. But remember that we are all here for you. Please accept our thoughts and prayers. God will not give out more than we can handle, so try to take comfort in that and know that things are going to get easier for you. I am glad that you vented and let us know what is going on.

Keep the faith,

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 10/16/2008 2:44 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Diane-

I hope your getting some sleep as I am writing this. I was wondering when you would have your meltdown-  I am strong through the actual crisis and then when the worse is over I fall to pieces. The fear you must have felt when your son was in his accident and the thoughts of losing him also had to have been almost unbearable. You also just lost your nephew. You have every right in the world to feel the way you do! "Anger" being a big one. So scream, cry, cry, cry, vent, vent, vent, do what ever you have to! You have been through alot.

We already have our plates full with the fibro and then add "life" to it and it can get impossible.

For thirty-two years now my life has not been easy. Being a single parent, two divorces, my list goes on and on. If someone asked me to explain how I feel everyday -it is simple. I feel like I am a warrior going off to fight a battle everyday. And that is prefibro.

I know that part of my sanity is the "support" here, and I am sure you feel the same way. Know that we are here for you Diane.

GamJill

Posted 10/16/2008 4:08 PM (GMT 0)
Diane, I know it gets unbearable at times.  You have been through a lot and I think your depression is kicking in big time. I do hope you talk to your doctor about that.  You have a reason to be depressed with all that life has handed you and you have a physical reason with fibromyalgia.  So, you, and others, have a double whammy. 

 

I have been blessed with a positive attitude.  I got it from God and from my two positive thinking parents.  They couldn't have given me a better gift.  BUT, I, too, have been very depressed at times in my life. I have to turn it all over to God when those things happen.  I have no control over it or over the future so I turn to Him and live one day at a time.  I do try to count my blessings every day and not look at the problems life has dished out in my life.

I will email you personally with more advice so be looking for mail from me.  You are in my prayers and I know that you will get over this hump. 

Sherrine 

Posted 10/16/2008 4:16 PM (GMT 0)
((((((Oh Diane,))))))

I'm wishing I were living next door to you. I'd come over and fix you a pot of tea and we would talk and cry and hug and eventually laugh through our tears. It's just life... It's just reality... We're not all like Dizney's Cinderella and can sing while we go about our dreary tasks and face unbelievable suffering. Many of us put on a brave front and feel exactly as you do inside... and never tell a soul. It's ok to be angry and sad and feel like eight pounds of dog pooh. And one of the best things you can do is to cry a bit, to get it out.

I know I always give a bunch of scientific reasons for stuff, but this may help. There is an enzyme found in the brain that is produced when we are feeling sad. We can hold it all in and it will take several days to break down and disappear... OR we can have a good cry! Scientists have found that the only way to quickly release this enzyme is in our tears. They are jammed with the stuff! This is why we so often feel so much better after a good cry. So go ahead and cry, cry, cry. You will feel better for it and start back on the road to better days. One step at a time. Take care, my friend.
Posted 10/16/2008 4:48 PM (GMT 0)
Diane, God is there. He hears and knows everything. Don't allow this to steal your faith. Faith is the one thing that can sustain us through unimaginable pain and crisis. The pain alone can rip your guts out. Let alone the other things you've dealt with. Allow yourself time to grieve and sort things out. Just try not to give in to the "big warm blanket" of depression. It seems most welcoming, but it will consume you. Cry. Get mad. Throw a fit if it helps. Just always trust in God.
Posted 10/16/2008 9:09 PM (GMT 0)
Diane, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, I feel like I have let you down, forgive me. I have felt this same way lately, overwhelmed and so sad. I would try to read the post most days. See new names trying to find answers, old friends having bad days, or some happy thoughts. I would try to answer and just feel like I had nothing to give. I just feel very down and I'm trying so hard to find level ground. I pray often, asking God for guidance. I think He is pointing me here, w/ other kindred souls. I do wish we all lived close to each other for that pot of tea, talk, a massive group hug. I think it would do all of us a world of good. But until we can ALL meet in one place I am sending you a large hug and all my best wishes.  God bless.  Alice.

Posted 10/18/2008 9:44 PM (GMT 0)

How can I thank you all for being so kind and compassionate?  Reading these replies, I see that alot of you are going through depression as well.  Seasonal depression mixed with illness, pain, grief...I'm certainly not the only one suffering. It's just that sometimes it gets to be too much for one person to handle you know?  Alice..please dont ever feel you need to appologize to me...you are suffering too...your sick...you have to find a competent doctor, your hubby is ill too...etc etc  You did not let me down my dear.  This is the second time in 6 weeks that I needed you people, and you were there right with me, reaching out to grab my hand and pull me back out of the murky waters of self doubt and depression and grief.

Someone said, they still have alot to be thankful for, so I thought about all the things that are ok, and you know what? That list was alot longer than I imagined. And (I know Sherrine..poor grammar lol), I found this site, I found you, we found each other.  So it shall be, help one another, dont let things build up to the boiling point, and dont be afraid to share these good/bad feelings with each other.

So..Alice, Stephanie, Jeannie, SHerrine, Gamjill, and Karen, Thank you, friends

P.S.  Jeannie, if we lived next door to each other...I would be bugging you for cake ALL the time tongue

God bless and keep you

Diane 

Posted 10/18/2008 10:05 PM (GMT 0)
Glad you are back!  yeah

 

Sherrine

Posted 10/19/2008 1:40 AM (GMT 0)

i pray that God will give you the peace that passes all understanding and that He gives you the strength to face the day.

take care,

Maz

Posted 10/19/2008 2:21 AM (GMT 0)
Diane,

Unlike a lot of people, I do believe we can have more than we can handle in life. What you are going through is similar to torture. In fact, that is how fibro is.

One day you feel close to okay and the next thing you know you are in a flair. The day to day life with fibro is exhausting. I cannot speak for others but I know that most of my day is devoted to caring for myself to avoid some f the pitfalls of this condition.

When I think of people who are living through wars I ask myself. Are they enduring more than they can handle? My answer is yes.

Some of us are housebound and friendless. That is too much.

You do have a lot of wonderful, loving and supportive friends here. In addition, you have helped many of us in the past. As a group we are here for each other. Thank goodness for the internet.

The fear of losing another child has to be painful beyond my comprehension. I cannot even put into words the feelings I have for you and in fact, do not know what I can say that would help you to feel better.

I just wanted to say that you have my support and I wish I could hug you gently.

Donnaeil
Posted 10/19/2008 2:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hi dianne

I know how you feel living in canada and not being able to get the right meds.. I would love to be on some of what the others are on. I cant begin to imagine how you feel losing a child so i won't. and say i am sad to hear of that.

For me i don't show my fears or anxiety or depression i was raised you get up and do what you have to do no matter what even if you are sick.. and you never miss work unless you are on your death bed...

So its super hard for me to say how i am feeling.. I found that keeping a journal has helped and usually a good cry makes me feel better. I am still get out my emotions and how i feel..

I find that since i have started coming here though and nowing that i am not alone in how i feel it has made such a difference in everything for me

Keep smiling

Tara

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