Jeannie, a question?

Hi there! I think your question is a great one. I would like to think that if 1] As a teen I had been able to express the issues I had when they were very bad and someone had listened, things would have been soooooo different in my life. However, this would mean that 2] my mother had not been abusive and created so many tensions and pain for me- but its too late for that, that can't change. It may not be too late for your daughter. I would support your investigating her complaints further, altho not just yet with a doc. Here is my thinking- you need to earn her trust if she is really having these pains. Remember how it felt as an adult to have dr after dr after dr refuse to cooperate by telling you that you were fine, this is in your head, stop complaining? Imagine how as a young child she could hear this from a dr and absorb it so fully that she may never trust herself as an adult when both the symptoms and the consequences are worse? Once she has told you of a pain, described it, and you two together can hopefully track the origins, one issue at a time, and come up with a solution with a dr help as needed, you being her advocate, she may be able to overcome some of them while trusting you and herself. If you do something like this, and you learn that she isn't really hurting, then you can use that as a life lesson about how this type of behavior is horribly innappropriate, and how she is harming herself when she may be seeking attention.  If, in my opinion, she is seeking attention and using health issues to get it, then she NEEDS attention- right now. I believe that your listening to her and validating what may be legitimate pain has the potential to create a bond between you two that will last forever. I hope she begins feeling better soon, and you find some peace . Let us know how you are both doing.

HI Mamanan,

 

I'm not sure what to say about whats going on except to listen and talk to her then try and decide.  Sera gave you some great advice, advice I wish I had gotten when my daughter was young.  I have a daughter who is now 29 yrs old with 4 children of her own.  But,when she was a small child of maybe 5 or 6 she complained often of what I passed off as growing pains and so did her pediatricion.  Barbarann would complain of multiple joint pain,specialy in her legs and arms and would sometimes even cry in her bed at night with these pains.  I thought that she was looking for extra attention at the time since alot of these episodes coensided when there was stress in the home.  Of course I now know that with me and my mother having fibro that stress can make it so much worse.

 

But now that she is older I do remember times when we were out doing something she had looked forward too and we would have to stop and wait for her to catch her breath(she had issues with severe fatigue too) and she would rub her knee's and hips and tell me they ached.  After my daughter got older ,say in her teens,these symptoms seemed to disapear and I don't know if it was the excitment of just being an active teen or if she went into a type of remission.  Now that she is aproaching 30 years of age she is once again having these same type of pains,pains that mimic alot of the pain I have and she now has a mother and grandmother who has been dx's with fibro.  I didn't start having major fibro symptoms till my 40's and was dx's about a year ago and my mom wasnt dx's till she was 76 this past year!!!  But in talking to my daughter she told me that the pain was indeed real and sometimes very intense and her tears were genuine.  She now has a daughter who is 6 and is starting to have the same kinds of pains so we are keeping a close eye on her.  It's like specially if they are doing something they love or say a special outing and are complaining of these pains during times were they should be happist is a big indication that what they are feeling is very real.  One time my daughter had one of these episodes during a birthday party to the point where she wanted everyone to go home early and beleive me she was the center of attention that day but I told her to just "suck"it up and get over it because we had so many ppl there for her.  I now feel horrible that added to her pain and the one person in her life that should have been the most understanding dismissed her crys for help mostly because I listened to her doctor and he made it seem trivial and silly on her part and also told me that many of the kids he had seen had so called "growing pains" and they lived through it.  I wonder how many of those ppl grew up and never brought thier pain up to thier doctors out of fear of being dismissed?  really sad.

 

Soft Hug's,

Karen