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Which came first: The depression or the snow

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Posted 12/13/2008 8:47 AM (GMT 0)

Hi all, I am just having a very sad & gloomy day.  Today is one of those days when I don't feel like I have the energy or drive to deal with this DD anymore.  I know I have to but that doesn't make it any easier.  I have been going round & round with my sleeping pattern.  I get in these downward spirals between insomnia (due to the FM) & sleeping for hours 10-15 (due to the ME/CFS).  I have no control over either.  I take cyclobenzaprine & melatonin 5mg sublingual every night so I can sleep but once this starts I am at the mercy of my DD's.  I am at a point where I have no life.  I am up all night while everyone else sleeps & asleep while everyone is up.  Sometimes this will go on for months at a time before it lets up.  I am sorry I am having a tough time explaining this.  I have tried to explain it to my family & friends but they never seem to understand how bad it is.  They think I should just be able to finally go to sleep one night & get up the next morning & all will be fine.  It just doesn't work that way.  I know.  Over 4 years I have tried everything I can think of & just finally came to the realization that this is it, this is my life with Fibro & CFS.  I have reached the point of being unable to go do anything with anyone because I can't say when I will be awake or even if I am, that I will feel like doing something. 

Now the snow has come & I feel really trapped.  It feels like it has piled ontop of me & the weight is just to much.  I hate whining but I thought maybe if I vented I would feel better tomorrow.  I know the day will come when I will feel ok again & in charge & in control (somewhat).  But today I am sad.  I hate snow, it always represents to me illness, fatigue & depression.  I do have my trusty full spectrum light but I can never tell if it really does any good.  Well, I hope I feel better tomorrow.  I hope you all are doing well.  Love & hugs, Denise

Posted 12/13/2008 9:36 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Denise,
I too am having a really tough night. I also have days when I sleep for 15-17 hours. I feel like my life is a cycle of pain and depression. The medicines that I take for my fibro, and depression seem to zap me of all my energy, but if I don't take them I am in terrible pain. The worst of my pain is a deep burning nerve pain in my back. I am very afraid that the pain will overtake me and pull me over the edge. I know we are supposed to post things of help and encouragement to others, but I don't know where to turn anymore. I recently returned to work after a 3 month leave of absence and it is taking all my strength just to get through the days. On my days off I sleep away all of my day. I am so greatful to have this forum to vent because sometimes my family is so overwhelmed by my illness. I try to act as if I'm doing okay for my son, but I need someone to talk to who understands this illness. You are not alone Denise and I hope your pain eases up very soon.
Take care. Hope
Posted 12/13/2008 1:25 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Denise...I live in central NY and this year we had snow before Halloween.  It was so cold this year that for the first time in my life, I turned off the lights and waited for the kiddies to go home because I could not deal with opening and closing the door with the freezing air shooting in.  It will probably snow until the middle of April.  I always am worse this time of year, feeling trapped, cold and unmotivated.  I don't sleep well during the night either and fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon.  I am weaning off my Lexapro as we speak because while it once gave me energy, it now stupifies me.  I would rather cry then feel like this.  I also have restless leg so I take a valium (only 5 mg) at night so I don't kick myself to death.  Plus, my legs tingle and crawl all day long now, so if I'm not going anywhere, I wear pj bottoms all day because any rough fabric makes then feel horrible.  I guess I don't have any answers...just sympathy knowing how you feel.

You should see me run for 'real clothes' when someone shows up at our door unannounced...emabrrassed to have people see me in my pj's!

feel better

donna

Posted 12/13/2008 2:43 PM (GMT 0)
It seems strange that you take your medication right before bed and then can't sleep but, twelve hours later, you are sleepy.  Have you tried NOT taking it before bed?  You might have to do this for a couple of days.  See what happens.  Maybe you need to take the meds in the morning so you stay awake after you take them and, twelve hours later you might want to sleep.  This is the reverse of what you are doing and what your body does.  Since you are having such a problem, it's worth a try!

 

Sherrine

Posted 12/14/2008 7:44 AM (GMT 0)

Hello all & thank you for your replies. 

Hope, I am so impressed that you have gone back to work.  I haven't been able to work for about 4 years now.  I think I could work part time during the Spring through Fall but come winter I don't think I could work at all.  I really understand your using all your strenght to get to work, work the scheduled hours & make it home to drop from fatigue.  Then the insomnia hits & it all starts all over.  I know how sleeping away your days off cause such depression.  We can't seem to catch up on sleep like others without this DD do.  You hang in there.  We will make it through this winter.  Spring always comes & with it a sense of renewal & energy. 

donna, I live in my pj's all winter with my fluffy bathrobes & slippers.  I am cold & have no energy.  I had to give away all my flannel pj's because they felt like sand paper.  Anything binding will drive me up the wall, it's like I fixate on it & can't let it go until I change.   OK, here's a really weird thing I read several times on different sites & you may already know about it but here goes.  Bath soap.  I have read that a bar of bath soap put in the end of the bed by your feet helps RLS.  I don't have RLS so I don't know but everything I have read says it doesn't matter what brand & no one knows why it works.   Quite unusual, hm?

Sherrine, I usually, March - Oct/Nov, take my meds every night at the same time so I have somekind of a semblance of routine, & I usually go to sleep within an hour.   But when this sleep thing hits my meds don't work for the most part.  I have tried everything I can think of, like just keeping my routine & taking the meds at the usual time even though I am wide awake but that doesn't work.  I have tried taking them when I finally feel somewhat tired but then I sleep even lomger then 12 hours,  I have tried not taking them at all & been up for 48 hours & unable to sleep, just a zombie.  So now I just take them about 12 hours after I have gotten up.  Like today I got up at 2:30pm so I will take it then.  Sometimes that works, other times not.   I don't know why they quit working during this time of year but I guess I need to speak with my Dr. again.   I have dealt with this for 4 winters now.  Come Oct I am dreaming of Spring.

What I hate the most is I miss out on so much because of this fatigue, sleep, depression & inability to figure it out.  I hope Spring comes soon.  LOL  

Love & hugs, Denise

Posted 12/14/2008 11:27 AM (GMT 0)
We have had snow since November, it never left. Now we are under a blanket of about three feet. It seems like it will never end. Today we are suppose to get rain. That will melt some of it, but make it icy.

I find if I can cross country ski in the winter, it makes it so much bearable. I haven't done this yet this winter. Always some reason why I can't. I think I have to push myself a little more. Once I get out there it is great. I look for snowmobile trails to ski on.

I take adderall in the morning to get going. That is something that you might want to talk to your doctor about. And ambien at night to get a restful sleep. I could sleep 24/7 and still be tired without this help.

I hope that you all have a wonderful day.

Luv and hugs, Karen
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