OK, for anyone that's been here awhile, you all know about my adorable 97 year old Grandma Toots (rhymes with foots). She is my hero for many reasons, and will always own a part of my heart.
Anyway, Grandma Toots isn't doing very well. 
My mom used to be a Hospice nurse, and she told me that she thinks that my Grandma is starting to "give up." We have her in an assisted living place and she's on Hospice now. We finally have her pain under control with fentanyl patches and the occasional vicodin for breakthrough pain.
I went to visit her on Wednesday, and instead of the warm, "Hi Sweetie," that I always get, I was faced with a woman who I didn't recognize. She was very confused and when I asked her what was wrong, she kept saying, "I don't know." BTW-I made sure to tell her that it was OK if she didn't know what was wrong. Sometimes we just feel bad because we feel bad. Anyway, I immediately talked to her nurses and told them that something was wrong-because my grandma never acts like that around me. I told my mom that she need to get over there, ASAP.
OK, first of all, if you have weak stomachs, please don't read this part. Otherwise, you have been warned!!!
My mom figured out that all the narcotics that she had been taking had made her so constipated that she was impacted. Luckily, since my mom is a nurse, she was able to help disimpact her. If anyone has any medical knowledge, you know that it is possible to die from being that constipated. Anyway, my mom helped her out and when she left, she said that Grandma was smiling. 
This AM, I stopped by Starbucks to pick up her favorite Vanilla Latte for her and when I first came in her room, she was getting ready to get her bath, but the nurses let me visit for a little bit before (I was on my way to a therapy appointment). She smiled and called me "Sweetie" like she always does, and she liked her coffee I brought her. She said she felt a little better than the other day, but she still doesn't look "right" to me.
All I've known in my 37 years is that Grandma Toots has been there. I think I told myself a couple years ago that if she happened to die, I wouldn't be surprised (but it would still hurt, of course). But now, I think that day is coming soon. I feel like her little body is tired and worn down and she's giving up. I really don't think it will be too much longer before my beloved Grandma Toots dies. 
Anyway, I'm just really sad and bummed out. Her impending death is a reality to me, but I am just really sad. All I want is for her to be pain free and when it's her time to go, she goes peacefully. So, if y'all could put in an extra prayer for her, I'd really appreciate it. If you aren't the praying type, even a warm thought will do.
Of course, I'll keep y'all updated. I know I'll need your support when that day comes. Thanks for letting me vent.