I'm not working right now. But I'm trying not to just shrink away from life. I try to stay involved in things I love.
I got an opportunity a couple of months ago that I just couldn't pass up. But it's really coming to a head this week and I'm just exhausted. Tonight is the big show - and the end of my commitment. I'm excited the big day is here, and sad that it's almost over, and dreading having to do this feeling as awful as I do right now, and really happy that I've been able to be a part of the experience... all at the same time.
So here's the deal. A local organization is putting on a big outdoor production - free to the public and expecting thousands - tonight. I have been blessed to be a part of the choir. We've been in rehearsals for a couple of months. But this week we've been having dress rehearsals on location, which means in a city park. The event is called "Celebrate Ameria" and we are doing a "Singing Flag". We have a 24' tall American flag structure that the 68 choir members stand inside of (you can just see our heads in the red stripes) and we have a 2 hour program of patriotic songs with a huge cast performing a variety of talents on stage in front of us. It's really a lot of fun... but....
- My spot in the flag is the second row from the TOP. That means fibro-climbing the steep ladder/stairs almost to the top. And even worse, climbing DOWN after the show.
- Once in place in the flag, you're pretty much stuck. You're standing on the wooden platform in the very narrow aisle between the "stripes" of the flag - can't sit, can't leave to go potty - stuck.
- We're having a heat wave. It is forecast to be 105 degrees tonight at showtime.
- We've had four 3-hour long rehearsals this week in these conditions.
- Yesterday, besides dress rehearsal in the evening, we were up very early in the morning for a TV appearance on a local morning info-tainment show.
Of course I had a fibro-fog brain fart and screwed up my part just as the TV camera was zoomed right in on me, so I feel awful that did not represent the choir well to the large Sacramento viewing area.
By the time I get to my spot in the flag my legs are already screaming, and then I have to pretty much stand still for a couple of hours. I have a small rug to stand on to make it a tiny bit easier on my feet and legs, but it doesn't help much.
And oh! Talk about SWEATING! 
It pours out of me faster than I can scarff down my electrolyte-enhanced water. I'm concerned that the heat will keep people away and we won't have the turn-out we expected. It would be such a shame to go through all this and not have anyone show up for the festival!
Oh well, I really didn't mean to write a book, sorry for the long post. Just needed to do a brain dump, I guess - trying to get psyched up to go do this thing tonight. It will be wonderful and terrible at the same time. 