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Posted 2/18/2012 1:17 PM (GMT 0)
So the hubby and I are in the car late Thursday night and his cell phone rings.  It's his son who lives about six hours away asking us if we would like some company.  Of couse, the hubby is thrilled, but neglects to ask when his son and family plan to arrive.  They talk, then I took the phone and asked a logical question...'When are you coming?"  He tells me the kids have next week off so Friday, Saturday or Sunday.  Okay, I think I have a whole week to prepare.  Before I hang up his son says...'So maybe we'll see you tomorrow afternoon!"  He meant this week-end!  Who does that to a fibromite???  I spent the rest of Thurdsay night stripping beds, trying to get up all the dog hair as one of the kids has asthma...and the muddy dog prints on the kitchen floor as we have had nothing but rain all winter and the yard is an oozing mud pit.

I know, I know...they are coming to see us and not our house but we only see them once or twice a year.  Last year they called us when they were an hour away and said they were headed for our house.  I also know the hubby should do his share and he has offered but his idea of washing a floor is putting a dish rag on his foot and pushing it around.  Plus...he has been working non stop so he will have time to spend with them.  (he teaches for the military on-line)

Fibromites have to pace themselves...they know I have fibro as I was walking with a cane the last time they 'showed up.'  My DIL has RA so she must know our limitations????  NOT!  Plus the grand daugther is a vegan and only eats organic vegetables and I have to drive 50 miles to find the food she eats...(I live in a small podunk town and I'm lucky to have any grocery store)  And...the DIL is a vegan but will eat fish so figuring out what to cook for meals is a nightmare.

They may be here today or tomorrow.  I want to say something to them this time but certainly don't want to cause any hard feelings that may put a strain between my husband and his son.  On the other hand, there isn't a muscle or bone in my body that isn't sceaming for mercy...I won't be able to do anything with them.  OWIE!

So...do I tell them or keep my mouth shut...

Huggies

Donna

Post Edited (vestabula) : 2/18/2012 6:27:27 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/18/2012 2:23 PM (GMT 0)
just do what you can, and not what you cant,, you dont have to explain anything,, and it probably wont do any good anyway, its hard to sympathize when you cant see the problom
Posted 2/18/2012 4:37 PM (GMT 0)
I would never knock myself out for their unexpected visits.  Stripping the beds are enough.  Hubby can vacuum.  Period.

 

You might print out some things from Fibro 101 and give them to read in their spare time...like on their way home.  Just say you want them to understand what you go through daily.  End of discussion.  They probably won't get it but now you have given them "warning".  Next time they pop in, they will bring the inhaler.

 

Sherrine

Posted 2/18/2012 6:25 PM (GMT 0)
I'm with Sherrine on this. They chose to not give more notice. Let them live with the consequences. I would let them go do the grocery shopping especially since they have special needs in that area. You could even phrase it that way. "Sweetie since you guys have special food requirements I think it would be better if you go to the store".

Also, they know you have dog fur don't they? When people come to my house they know in advance that I have a very furry pet. They still chose to come. I couldn't eliminate much fur even if I spent the whole week cleaning.
Posted 2/18/2012 7:02 PM (GMT 0)
I would have a talk with your husband about this. Maybe he could be the one to say to your son in the future that you need more notice due to your fibro. If your husband doesn't understand this you could take him to one of your doctor's appointments.

My b/f handles these situations for me sometimes and it feels really good not to have to be the one to deal with these issues.

Good luck to you.
Posted 2/18/2012 8:35 PM (GMT 0)
Donna,

I understand how you feel. We still care what people think, even if we can never live up to any standards, ours or theirs or anyone else's. My house is so completely inundated with animal hair, dust, and dirt that I just don't look at it most of the time. Because what's the point? I can't do anything about it.

I feel less responsible if they invite themselves, especially when they give me no time to get ready. If I invite them, I feel I should provide a clean(ish) environment and meals.

Your family gave you virtually no lead time. So yeah, tell them to go buy what they want to eat! If they give you those LOOKS - those guilt-trip looks - smile sweetly and go on about your business. (Not that I've actually managed to do this - it just makes sense to me logically.)

If you're like me, you tend to think everyday tasks are hard on other people - because they're hard on us. Going to the grocery, bringing in the food from the car, doing laundry, then making the beds, cleaning floors and other things, all in one day, is a very big deal for me. So when my kids or husband carries in 5 bags of food at once, I say, "Oh, are you sure you should bring all those in in one trip?" and they just give me a wilting look and say, "Are you kidding? This doesn't weigh anything."

Are you comfortable with your husband's family enough to talk to about this? I pretty much just lay it out, my condition, that is. I mean, it's the truth. I really CAN'T do squat!

I hope your screaming body gives you a break. Soon.

Debbie
Posted 2/19/2012 4:38 AM (GMT 0)
I am just like you vestabula, I worry about visitors coming. I will clean till my house sweaks. My husband says "why are you doing so much" I tell myself that Men just dont understand. I dont have to worry too much because I live on an iceburg and it's to far for most people to come visit. I am real carful about opening my home for church funtions. I just dont have it in me anymore to keep up with the jones. LOL
Posted 2/19/2012 6:03 AM (GMT 0)
I am getting here late on this one, but due to the lateness of the planning, I would not go 50 miles to buy organic food. I would probably just cook the veggies that we have available. (You could ask them to stop and pick up the organic needs on the way there if it is a HAVE to have item.)

I completely understand about you wanting the house clean. I would do the absolute necessities (beds, tubs, toilets, and throwing the dishes in the dishwasher. Don't overdo things so that you end up in bed and not able to enjoy the visit.) If they don't understand, just tell them your health has been down and with a heads up you can pace yourself to make plans ahead next time.
Posted 2/19/2012 6:27 AM (GMT 0)
I used to kill myself cleaning when people were coming. Now I hand them a clean set of sheets and have them put them on the bed. I do minimal cleaning and send them to the store. And you know what I have learned to do it without guilt. They laugh cuz they know they are changing the sheets and grocery shopping from now on when they visit.
Posted 2/19/2012 12:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hey, I love that idea, Sawa!  LOL  I just don't think I could do it.  Darn!

 

Sherrine

Posted 2/19/2012 1:21 PM (GMT 0)
Well...after almost killing myself we haven't even heard from them.  They don't even answer their cell phones when we call.  I don't care if they are the hubby's family...this is beyond rude and inconsiderate.  They were supposed to arrive on Friday or Saturday!

Think I'll take off for a nice vacation this afternoon and no one will be here if they ever decide to 'pop in'.

Huggies

Donna

Posted 2/19/2012 1:41 PM (GMT 0)
OMG!! I would be furious !! I think not being there is a great idea, do something nice for you since obviously they do not worry about you...I would have a talk w/ hub about setting some guidelines from now on. That is so rude...I am so sorry Donna

Have a good day with your clean, empty house-lol-may be for the best
Take care
Maggie
Posted 2/19/2012 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
AMEN to Maggie's post!

 

Sherrine

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