pain vs. comfort

I experience pain if I'm touched in certain areas... my throat, my knees, various areas on my back and neck. You get the idea. One of the biggest realizations I might have FM was when my husband hugged me one day and gently rubbed my back and I pushed him away from pain. It felt like he'd taken sandpaper to my skin. My regular doctor immediately suspected FM and told me to see a rheumatologist as soon as I could to rule out anything else.

It hurts, but I'm the sort who likes being touched by loved ones. Hugs and hand holding from my husband, playful pats on the back or arm/leg by other family and friends. My husband sees my reaction more frequently than others, and he always apologizes and says he won't do it again... I quickly tell him no -- to please don't avoid touching me. I honestly think it would bother me more than the pain.

Last night was another good example. My mother-in-law, without thinking and with perfect unknowing precision, patted me between the shoulders and it felt like I'd been punched. I managed to not flinch too much, although I'm sure I tensed up a bit, and when she got up to do something in the other room, I tried to get comfortable and relax again so the pain would go away and not spread (sometimes something as simple as knocking one of those spots, like my knee, into something will set off all over pain).

It was a split second decision, but I didn't want my MIL to know she'd hurt me because I didn't want her afraid to touch me. None of my family live near me, and my father recently passed away this past Christmas morning -- she's an important person to me, and I like having a mother-figure give me hugs and playful pats. I think even telling them which areas hurt more wouldn't help... people may not be able to remember them all since there are so many, and they would just be nervous to go near me for fear of hurting me or setting off aches.

I've always been able to rough house and not feel like I needed to be so careful, so suddenly having people nervous to touch me for fear of hurting me would drive me crazy I think.

Having that happen last night just really made me think about it. For now, to me, it's worth the occasional pains from situations like that to continue relationships and closeness the way I am used to them and prefer. Losing some of the things I already have are enough at the moment, it makes me sad to think of losing even more.

MockingbirdDance,

This is a good point. We do have to choose where to pipe up and where to try to tough it out.

I remember my track-athlete dad, when he was 80-something, finally got it ingrained not to hug me too hard. He'd say with a smile, "see how gentle I'm being?" and give me a little pat. We'd always had a huggy relationship until I got fibro, but it got to where his bear hugs would really do a number on me. Then when he got ALS, of course, I became the one who had to remember to be extremely careful with him. Life and its painful lessons....

I lost him just over 3 years ago, so I can empathize with you, missing your dad. I'm sorry for your loss.

Pain spreading from one spot is something that I experience, too. I wonder how common that is, although I bet it's pretty common. Our nervous systems are just bizarre!

Debbie

Thank you for the replies! Yes! It's especially hard to prepare when it's a surprise, that's for sure! I also go through times where I can tolerate touch more than other times. Some spots are always very sensitive like my throat and knees, but thankfully not every spot all the time. That's why the very first time the pain sensation thing happened shocked me so much. I had never experienced it before, and that week was one of the worst feeling ever with my flare up. I felt like after all those years of merely strange health things happening, I'd finally been hit by a big clue upside my whole body.

Acheybody, I'm so sorry about your father as well. *gentle hugs* Thank you for sharing your story with me.