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Posted 6/29/2012 9:32 PM (GMT 0)
So, going through my Dad's papers to send back east. Threw away stuff like tax returns, probate papers, old checking accounts. Saved stuff like memorabilia, divorce, private letters and records, will.

Discovered three folders documentig a court case in 1978, where he struck and killed a girl walking along side a rainy road at midnight. Too many things are running through my mind. Parents were seperated, and I was 9 years old.

Wow.
Posted 6/29/2012 9:58 PM (GMT 0)
Oh...what we find when we have to cull through the papers of our loved ones who have passed on.  I found a picture of my father with Vice President Rockefeller...paper work that showed my sister was never legally adopted...My father's GED...I had no clue he dropped out of HS to join the army....and the shocker was that when I was in grade school, my mother worked secretly with the CIA to uproot a Communism ring...

Family secrets.  Shockers.  I know how upset you feel but it's water over the dam now.  I bet you find some more goodies...and maybe they will be nice goodies!

Donna

Posted 6/29/2012 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
Wow. Strange stories all. I hope to never be surprised like that, myself, but you never know.
Posted 6/30/2012 12:30 PM (GMT 0)
Your father was probably devastated by this accident.  It had to affect him his whole life and he probably didn't see why he needed to tell his children about it.  I'm sure it haunted him and probably can explain certain behaviors in him.  I'm sorry he had to go through something like that and I'm sorry you had to find out about it. 

 

As Donna said, this is in the past.  He is at peace now.

 

Sherrine

Posted 6/30/2012 12:54 PM (GMT 0)
We have to accept what happened and go on with lilfe and that isn't all that easy in a case like this. I had a friend that hit a little boy on a bicycle. It haunted him forever it seems. We all make mistakes, have strange events happen. I guess this gives you a new perspective on things. I am sorry you had to find out in such a way. But maybe it will help you to understand a lot of things that you didn't understand before. I hope it is a learning experience and not something that is going to bother you. I agree with Sherrine and Donna. He is at peace now...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/30/2012 3:28 PM (GMT 0)
Something simalar happened to my husband. At the time all our children were at home. The older girls, teenagers, at the time were told about what happened. The youngest only 8 years old was not told. He is a truck driver and it happened while working. He was layed off for 18 months. We just told her daddy was sick. He really was sick from the mental affect it had on him. He went back to work on the dock but never drove truck again. It was ruled as an accident. We finally told her when she was 17. During the heat of it and the financial stress it caused at the time our marriage nearly crumbled. As parents we would have kept it from all the children if we could but they were too old. He was ashamed even though it wasn't his fault. I'm sure your dad thought he was doing the best thing by sheltering you. I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did. I'm sure you grieve for the person who died but also for your dad and the mental toll it had on him.
We still think about it often and especially in June as that is when it happened. Tragic things like this can and do happen. As I said I'm sure he felt he was doing the best thing for you by not telling you. Or maybe he couldn't come to grips with it himself. I know for the longest time my husband would say I killed a little girl. Now, 10 years later he can say he had an accident that caused a little girls' death.
Posted 6/30/2012 4:52 PM (GMT 0)
My parents were seperated, and living in sperate cities. my older siblings were 18, 21, and 23. I do not know whatthey knew at the time. My sisterincluded the folders in Dad's box, so she knew, even if she didn't tell anyone.

My dad was probably drinking at the time, although no evidence was found. He was always drinking.

I just put the folders back in the filing box. I could shred it, but am too much the historian to destroy the record. I assume this is what my sister thought. If my brother finds it (which he probably won't), we can talk about it then. But considering the rather tortured relationship of my dad
and bro, I do not plan to bring it up.

It is in the past. it is awful, but most families have these hidden moments. Poor dad. The same age as his son.
Posted 6/30/2012 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
When my dad was 4 his dad disappeared and everyone thought he'd been murdered, though no body was ever found.

When I was 14 my great grandmother died and while going through her safe deposit box letters were found from my grandfather showing that he faked his death and ran away from his wife and their four children. He told his mom that if she told anyone she'd never hear from him again. She lived with that secret for the rest of her life.

For my dad's entire life he'd thought his father had been murdered then in his late 30s he found out that his dad had walked out on him. I remember the secrecy during that time but my mom decided I was old enough to know and decided to tell me against my dad's wishes.

You never know what you'll find out after someone has died. The best thing is to remember is that the secrets were kept for what seemed like a good reason at the time.

Joy
Posted 7/1/2012 3:39 AM (GMT 0)
My dad died thus Feb. and he wanted to die so bad. After sitting by his bedside for many days and hearing so many things about his life before his death. I kind of said to myself so sad that he had to live in all these lies he was telling. No wonder he wanted to die, eberything came crashing down on him. I felt so so sorry that he had to die with so much weight on his shoulders. To this day I think about him because I now know a lot of his secrets that he was caring. It just hurts my heart that he didn't have peace when he died. I know what you are going through. I think it will make me a better person because I would never want to live covering up my lies like he did.
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