What an emotionally painful day. If your spouse can't show you compassion...

I go through this as well. My husband is never sick. He has a personality disorder and possibly manic as well. He runs non-stop. I've tried to make him understand how I feel and am met with no compassion.

I finally decided we need to live seperately, because I need a certain climate and his lack of empathy and constant frenzied activity seems to excaberate my flares. He has a very stable job that he is extremely dedicated to. It pays well, and in this economic climate finding another one is tough.

While angry that I will no longer be there as a buffer for his nuttiness and hurtful behavior he finally agreed today!

YES.

My husband is actually pretty sympathetic about my health issues. He gripes at me if he thinks I've done too much. He'd rather pay for my dr visits than buy me anything, though.

He's very hard to live with, though. He's unwilling to figure out his own feelings on anything. He's only told me he lives me once in the 5 years we've been together and recently said he wants a divorce. Apparently, his plan is to make me so miserable that I do all the legwork for a divorce. My fibro and arthritis are so flared up that I can barely walk room to room.

Thanks to some wonderful ladies here on this board I've decided to not let him make me feel worse. It's hard but sometimes you have to accept that you just aren't going to get that compassion or support. It makes things easier on you then.

I don't really have anyone. My grandmother and one aunt are the only ones that I'm still in contact with. Neither of them can do more than really help me and I'm reluctant to share my problems with them. My grandmother actually quit talking to me a while over my last divorce and my aunt has so much on her plate that I don't want to add to it.

My mother in law is a bit uncomfortable with the subject. She knows her son and knows how he is with me but she feels like she owes him loyalty. She has said that she will speak to him about therapy.

I have one really good friend that lives nearby. He's in no position to offer any help. I'm not very good at talking about my pain or marriage issues. He knows the situation but I haven't discussed it much. I feel like since he can't help then I shouldn't weigh him down with my problems.

A divorce would completely upend my world. My health has had me out of work for a year now. I'm scheduled to have three surgeries this year. I'd be homeless and have no health insurance. I'd be forced to go back to work using my Cna. It's physical work and when I had to quit I was so much pain that I was barely functioning. I'd be out on my own with my two kids.

Right now I hurt all over. Just walking to the kitchen is excruciating. All my muscles are burning and cramped, I've had a migraine for a week, my knees look like cantaloupes, and I can't say the last time I slept. I'm working toward getting my life on track but its scary to think I could be homeless by the end of the week. Anyway, enough complaining from me. Everyone has issues. My mother in law believes that we experience the trials of hell on earth. That its nothing but smooth sailing in our after life.

Thank you, Debbie. I didn't sleep but I may get to try and go to sleep early tonight. The kids are at vacation bible school until right before bedtime so they may crash early.

I have a hard time talking about my own problems. I'd rather listen to others. I've never felt that my problems were worth listening to so it's hard for me to talk about all of this. I've been a people pleaser all my life and that has made me hold my own confidences.

Right now is a scary time. I'm stuck in a hard place. I hate to bum everyone out with my worries. No one likes to think someone they've had contact with could be homeless soon. I know you all have so much going on and troubles of your own. I don't want to rock your boats.

Good grief, Morgan!

That's awful. I want to write more to you later, but just wanted to say quickly that if this is typical for your husband, maybe you need to get away from him....was he always this way?

Why don't you start your own introductory thread - with "newbie" or something in the title - so people know to come greet you? Glad to have you aboard!

Debbie

Thanks, Myself. I'm working hard to make things better but nothing seems to be going my way. Even more has cropped up and I'm really struggling to just keep myself together. All my energy seems to go into pretending I'm ok when I'm with the kids.

I don't think it's the pain. My grandfather died of lung cancer in the last year. He was in so much pain and became dependent on my grandmother for everything. She never treated him badly.

I know it's hard when you're spouse is always sick or in pain but I don't think that's an excuse for bad behavior. Marriage is supposed to be through the good and the bad. I try to not complain or let my pain rule me. My husband may be horrible at most things but he knows if I say anything about my pain then I'm really hurting. He does try to keep me from overdoing. Now if he could just be less of a jerk things would be better.