Family judgment

So I was diagnosed with fibro at 16. That was almost 8 years ago. I have not yet found a successful way to manage it to the extent that my extended family finds acceptable. They either think I am faking it, exaggerating, or using it as an excuse to not do more--this has been going on for 8 years. I have good days and bad, good weeks and bad. I know they constantly talk about me behind my back and pass judgments based on their opinions but never take time to learn more about the illness or genuinely ask me about it. My sister was also diagnosed at 17 with fm/cfs, but has symptoms that are much easier to manage than mine, thus she has been able to accomplish more and obtain a more favorable view and less judgment from the family. I've been having a lot of trouble with it the last year, constant flare ups, and have been unable to work and go to school. I had to drop my classes and quit my job, and was torn up about both of those things. (Not to mention quitting meant losing out on valuable income!) But that is generally the cause for their judgment, they think I'm just faking it because I'm too "lazy" to work or finish college, or that I'm "scared of real life." I'm just wondering, does anyone else have the same or similar problem? How do you deal with the family judgment? It causes me a lot of anguish, and when it's brought up I get very emotional about it. I just wish they could support me rather than judge me based on what I can/can't do because of an illness they refuse to learn about or accept as a genuine diagnosis; they choose that over judging me by my character.

You cannot get caught up in other people's reactions.

Learn to change the subject. Learn to lean on other people who are supportive. If you do not have any, then it's time to find someone who is. Giving others access to information that hurts us is a recipe for disaster. It may be time for you to find professional help in terms of counseling. A chronic illness is hard enough without idiots in our lives.

"Let's talk about something else." "Thanks for your opinion. How about those Seahawks?" "Gee, have you tried that new cereal?"

Rinse and repeat until it works.

HI, AMGarcia, and welcome! You have to learn to ignore people like that. They are ignorant when it comes to fibro and usually don't want to learn about it. But, if they do, we have several things on this forum you can print out and give to them that helps explain this illness better. You will find these in Fibro 101...the first thread on the forum. There are good links about fibromyalgia and you will learn a lot there. The links that might help your family are called A Thorough Explanation of Fibromyalgia, Doctors Respond to New York Times Article, and one called The Spoon Theory. You can try printing these out and giving them to family members. It's not unusual for people to ignore the information though. Some people are comfortable thinking they know everything about everyone. So sad. But we DO understand so come here and we will help you.

I use over the counter things, pretty much for my fibro. I use ibuprofen with food, Tylenol, magnesium malate, vitamin D3, and a prescription muscle relaxer, Robaxin, to help with pain and fatigue of fibro. We are all different and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another so we do have to try things to see what works best for us.

Also, with fibro you do need to keep moving. If you sit or lay too much you will be stiff as a board and have more pain. I do daily stretching exercises, I walk and/or swim daily, and I pace myself while doing things. All of this helps me be in control of my pain.

When you go into Fibro 101 there is an interview with one of the leading doctors that is studying this illness and he describes what they think is causing this. This would be another good thing to print out for your family if they are interested. Also, there are links about the vitamin and supplement I mentioned above and how they work in your body. There also is a link about how to maintain a positive attitude when you have chronic pain. This is really helpful. It has been proven that a positive attitude helps with illnesses and healing and you really do feel better if you look at all you CAN do and all the beauty around you. Fibro 101 is chock full of goodies so please read it. You definitely will learn a lot there.

I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. Don't hesitate to ask questions because we are here to help you. Hope to hear more from you soon.

Sherrine