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Posted 5/15/2014 7:17 PM (GMT 0)
I have been scared of this word my whole life. To me, depression means being put on happy pills and being unable to see reality.
But since I've been sick, with both Hashimoto (DX 2009) and Fibro (DX 2012) I realize I'm not well mentally.
I used to be a patient girl, I'm not anymore. I snap at my husband. He doesn't help me much around the house and complains a lot, which doesn't help, but if he does something, I'll ask nicely, and after 3 times I'll just yell.
I don't cry or anything, but sometimes I'll just get very sad about my situation and wish I could end it all.
We have money issues, I'm unable to keep the house clean, I can't work anymore.
The brain fogs are affecting me like crazy.
Sometimes my husband make fun of me. We went to Walmart today and I lost my balance. He started imitating me. I get mad at him, I tell him how it's making me feel. He say it's not done in a mean way. I believe him, because we're both young and we both make fun of each other, like tease each other. But being constantly reminded of my fibro by him is just too much. He doesn't listen, and I'm just sad all the time.

I try and find solutions to go back to work.
I've always been good with arts. I looked at online schools to become an interior designer.
Something I could learn from home and work part time.
But those schools are very expensive.
And I'm too brain fogged to work in an office.
I tried small jobs. I made mistakes all the time, or the pain was just too great to stand all day or sit all day.

I don't see how I can be happy with this.

Do you deal with depression? What's going on when you're depressed?
What kind of thoughts do you have? What do you do with them?
Posted 5/15/2014 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
I have been on medications (happy pills) for depression for a very long time. It has really helped. Plus I go to therapy.

Depression kind of goes hand in hand with fibromyalgia. Just knowing we can't do what we use to is depressing, not to mention the pain we are in.

I would talk to your doctor. Maybe if you catch it now, you wont have to be on medications all of your life like me. Talk to either your doctor or a therapist. Therapy alone could help you.

I hope you feel better.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 5/15/2014 8:10 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry you are having a hard time...I have been on and off medication for my intense anxiety/mild depression for a long time as well, and I also find it very helpful.

For me, I don't suddenly see the world through rose-tinted glasses. It brings me closer to baseline ("normal") and makes it easier to employ coping mechanisms; basically, I can get through my day without the preoccupation caused by a chemical imbalance I can't control.

Like Getting By said, seeing a therapist might also help sort out your feelings and concerns.
Posted 5/15/2014 8:15 PM (GMT 0)
My sister suffers from severe depression and has been hospitalized several times. I understand mental illness from the up close and personal view. When I became sick with my illnesses it put me in a tailspin. Then I had to leave my dream job. I just crashed.
Thankfully my pcp put me on paxil. It really helped me and I'm my old cheerful self again (most days) ;-)

Don't worry about the medicine making you a zombie. It will help you feel better.
Posted 5/15/2014 8:37 PM (GMT 0)
Even our husbands have a very hard time understanding...they cannot conceive of our pain levels or feelings about it , even if they try hard...there are support groups for fibro patients and family members ..which i think would be helpful..unfortunately here, there are none close by..

Sounded like he was trying to be cute...we do need to be able to laugh at ourselves...its hard to keep our sense of humor with this disease
Posted 5/15/2014 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
Depression is normal with the onset of a chronic condition. So, you are normal, not abnormal. I have to say you might need to reframe what you define as depression. Our culture does a lot to shame depression patients, and to build this picture of extremities, of a Jack Nicholson in The Shining, or Adam Lanza. Mental illness becomes what we see on TV, and in movies. It makes it harder for those who struggle, just like those stupid lyrica ads make it harder for our society to accept Fibro. We believe what we see.

I have been struggling with depression for six years now, and take happy pills and am no stranger to reality. Perhaps we know about reality all too well. We pretend all is well, both with our physical health conditions as well as our mental health. I am really good at make-believe.

After a diagnosis like this, we have to redefine our parameters of what life is, or what it should be. We have to reassess, and reframe, our goals and our lives. That's just no fun. It's very painful. But it is a necessary step in the process.

Are you talking to someone to help you see past the pain? And, believe me, happy pills help you to see your life more objectively. Perhaps this is an issue, since you mentioned financial issues. IMO, it is important enough to spend for, because it is the basis of your health, your relationship, and your life.
Posted 5/16/2014 6:08 AM (GMT 0)
Anna,

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down. Fibro does make it harder to keep our spirits up.

I don't like it when my hubby (or kids) make fun of me, either....it's ok if I do it and then they chime in, when I'm in an ok mood and am expecting it. NOT when I'm feeling vulnerable to begin with.

We all need things we can throw ourselves into (jobs, hobbies, relationships, volunteering) that make us feel connected to the world. I'll bet if you keep looking, you'll find something art-related you can do.

I can't work much, either. I've looked at the want ads for a long time, but just keep coming back to substitute teaching. I had hoped to get a post-baccalaureate degree, but finally had to accept the fact that I would never be up to teaching anything like full-time, or doing all that teachers do. At least I'm around kids, and I like to think that once in awhile I'm helping them to feel better about themselves and actually learn something in my half-day with them....and I am earning a FEW bucks. When I do it too often, or have an especially hard group, it burns me out; but generally (once I recover - it is intense) it invigorates me. And luckily, I can vary sitting and standing.

I couldn't work in an office, either....too spacey. Ads that say, "must be detail-oriented" make me cringe!!

I take Nortriptyline (antidepressant) at bedtime, have for 20 years. The low dose I'm on is basically for sleep, but my doctor says the little mood-lifting effect I'm getting can't hurt. I was worse off mentally before I started it (but then, my pain was not controlled either, so who knows what's what with that.) Anyway, I agree with the others that medications might really help you, you never know.

My doc also told me, when I expressed worry about starting, that it "wasn't a lifetime prescription." Well, maybe yes, maybe not...

Hope you start feeling better soon.

Debbie
Posted 5/16/2014 7:48 AM (GMT 0)
I have suffered from depression for over 20 years. I have had great control over it the last four years. I finally feellike I have my joy and peace back within me. I was at the point of suicidal at one time, but now I turned that corner and hope to never return to that low again.

I do take one med for depression. It's called remron and it helps you sleep well too. I use to see a therapist, but now I see only a psy dr. for meds and paper work. I read a book by Mary Copeland who has a program to help depression that is used around the world. It really helped me. She has written one on fibro too. These are on line and very cheap.

I guess what really keeps me out of depression is my spiritual life. It has grown so much and my depression has decreased. I love to be in church. It keeps my mind off myself and on Him. I love to give back and bless somebody. This keeps me out of my pity partys. I keep a schedule so I do stay busy for a reason. This keeps me focused and not on my pain.

Maybe you can try some of these things I mention. Keeping your mind active and doing something to bless someone will really help your depression. At night right down a blessings or a postive thing you have, sometimes we forget how much we really do have. It's so easy to look at the negatives when we are in so much pain.

Do you take pain meds now? I know for me that they cause depression.
I am glad your open and able to share with us. Its great to share because it really helps to talk to someone that goes through it daily.

Post Edited (ak angel) : 5/16/2014 1:51:15 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/16/2014 1:55 PM (GMT 0)
I also have been on depression and anxiety medications for fibro as are many of my friends. Takes time to find the right combinations and dosages that are right for you. So anyone new to going on them try and have patients, we know how frustrating it can be.
Posted 5/17/2014 4:29 AM (GMT 0)
Me too. I recently concluded that somehow over the last month I had totally lost my sense of joy. I rarely feel it now and it worries me. Not because it will drive me to suicide (it's more a feeling if flatness than despair), but because it's going to be a really loooong life without joy. It kind of feels like when you have a day that is just dragging on and all you can think about is tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better. I keep waiting...

Nervous to try meds again. I used them for anxiety in the past (Paxil, Zoloft, lexapro) and they actually ceased the anxiety but made me feel exactly like this: flat. So I don't know what to do either. I do know that the day or two a week that I actually sleep through the night, I feel ten times better. I take sleeping meds and anxiety meds but it's not enough to knock this elephant down, apparently. Haha

Hang in there, you're not alone. :)
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