Posted 8/22/2014 6:06 PM (GMT 0)
Two weeks ago, yesterday I went to a Rheumotologist and was diagnosed with Fibromalygia. I've been having chronic pain for four years. I've spent the past hour reading posts from fellow suffers and have connected and felt a peace settle over me for the first time in a while. I've constantly felt that maybe I have made up symptoms, that maybe subconsciously there really was no pain...Doctors make you feel like that. My journey started with a GI doctor, who then led me to a neurologist, who then led me to a surgeon...he offerred to do exploratory surgery because my stomach was always hurting. This all took place within a five month span. By Christmas of 2010 my back went out...joint degeneration and a bulging disc in my L5. I then began the journey of the Chiropractor, Accupunturist and Physical Theraphy. I was referred to the Pain Clinic and began steroid and trigger point injections. I was on my second bout of steroid injections and realized that the two weeks of relief didn't outweigh the risk I was taking for Osteoporisis in my hips. By then I had a cocktail of different medicines that would numb me but wouldn't fix the problem. I stayed at my last job for 3 years but finally gave up the fight because the migraines were too frequent and the immoblization and minimal 3 days rest won. I had FMLA and very understanding managers. I was a Federal Officer. But there comes a time when you have to admit you can't win this...at least at that moment in time. I decided no more testing. I had a mammogram the previous month and found three cysts that caused concerned but were not cancerous. I have those including cysts throughout my body that are visible to the eye. I decided that taking some time off would maybe allow me to get my health back. It did in the beginning. By June of 2013 I thought I was ready to go back to work, but with a twist...working from home. It didn't last 3 months. I was sicker than ever and I felt so pathetic...I was lost...It's now been a year since I quit my last job. I have good days but the bad outweigh those by far. I went to a herbalist at the beginning of this year. I gave her six months to maybe "fix" me and in the end she was just as lost. So I'm now on Gabapentin for my nerve pain but it doesn't work as well without the methocarbmonol, hydrocodone and IBprofen. There has been a change but I live in the "fog world" and I forget just about everything from last week. I work out 3-5 times a week, and this only means walking and stretching on the exercise ball. Nothing strenuous. I've learned what my limitations are and it really angers me. I don't have depression but I'd be lying if I said my thoughts didn't turn dark when I have a flare-up. I have three children and they understand that their Mom isn't "normal" but we make it work. My husband is awesome. He actually listens, which in this day and age, is rare. We've been together for 16 years...we meet when we were 17. I hit 30 and our lives changed drastically...I read the symptoms of Fibro...I have them..not all thank God but enough of them. I start on my first dose of Fibro medicine on October 3rd. How ironic it's taken this long to diagnose me and then so long after my visit to start me on a regimen...Blood work and the best coarse of action needs to figured out...I think the scariest thing my doctor said to me was "getting you back to normal." I have no clue what "normal" is for me anymore. I have always had ambition, drive and a strong mindset to attain anything "better." What terrifies me is that I've lost a part of myself...that crucial component to break free from the bubble I've been existing, not living, in for the past four years...I'm thankful for this website and opportunity to express my feelings, thoughts and fears...Thank you.