Frustration with colleagues who don't understand

There are many ways of handling situations like this. I can only relate my own experience.

I told only one of my colleagues about my illness. She had some chronic conditions of her own, so it was a way for both of us to garner some support when a flare hit. Otherwise, I would not have shared with her. I was on faculty in a university. Later, I told another VERY generally, after she had to transport me to hospital and back home for another issue. She has never been sick a day in her life, and so had no frame of reference.

Whenever anyone asked, I just say I am tired today,and change the subject. It's none of their business. I did not change anything about my office manner. The only two times I cancelled classes were both hospital-related.

Honestly, and I'm sorry to type this, you are now stuck with this perception of odd illnesses that your colleagues have of you and your condition. You shared and have changed your routine. The office is a professional area,where there is a certain expectation of behavior. Most people really have no interest or understanding of the illnesses of others. They might have murmured polite unh-hunhs when you told them, but that does not equate empathy or understanding. I think you are expecting rather more of them than you should.

I would not have either the blanket, the eye drops, or the water. Alone in an office or on a break is one thing--while discharging professional duties is quite another. If you are cold, drap a shawl over your legs or arms. If you need water or eyedrops, wait for a break or the end of the task. If immediately necessary, excuse yourself for the restroom. Move periodically if chained to a desk, get up and walk around, or plan your tasks with an eye to copying, filing, etc.,every hour or so.

One of my favorite stories was the day I went to school with a serious stomach bug/allergic reaction. I got through one and a half back-to-back classes before the pepto wore off and I threw up. Luckily I made it to the bathroom. Then I returned and finished that class,and cancelled the others and went home, then had to go to the ER.

So, honestly? Drop the 'illness cues' or transform them into professional-friendly behavior. Otherwise, expect that your colleagues are going to respond with disapproval or disinterest. They aren't mean or terrible people--they don't understand, have no frame TO understand, and honestly have no interest in empathizing. They just want to work together to get a specific job done in the expected way.

Feel better!

Hi senikintsu,

So sorry to hear about your difficulties with your colleagues. I know where you're coming from. Without giving examples from my own personal experiences, I'll just suggest that you dress in layers. How about having a long sweater along?

I would also suggest that you have some throat drops with you. I use Ludens sugar free drops. I also sometimes use dry throat lozenges.

And please try not to allow what rude comments some may make to affect you. I know, easier said than done. But do your best. Ask yourself, would you rather be like you or them? Definitely you!

Unfortunately you'll run into types who won't try to understand your health conditions. Some are not capable of it. I think the less we says to this type of person the better.

Myself gave a lot of good advice. Good luck to you.

Post Edited (almost medfree) : 10/11/2015 9:13:23 AM (GMT-6)

I certainly did not mean to put you down. 'Illness cue' is a descriptor of human behavior that signals to others that there is something to do with illness occurring. Carrying a box of kleeneex with you is an illness cue. Wearing a knee brace, cue. It doesn't mean you do not need them-it just is a visual that sends a message to others. You do not intend your behavior as that kind of cue, but it is how they perceive it. And it marks you as changed. That's not bad, but it is different. We read the non-verbals of others every day, and make determinations.

For instance, I wear professional clothes to the office for a regular workday. I wear rehearsal clothes to rehearsal. If I come in early for rehearsal to do some work in my office, people look at me funny. I am giving them a cue that something has changed.

You may have shared with your manager, but it is unlikely that your manager did more with your colleagues than reassign tasks due to your illness. And if s/he did share more with colleagues, they are still not going to understand what the illness means. Instead of responding emotionally to your colleague, just do what you need to do and keep it light. Taking a sip of water isn't an issue that should be noted as 'different'--so were there other cues you were giving off that lead to your colleague's reaction? I carry a water bottle or coffee cup with me everywhere. I schedule breaks every hour and a half, for everyone.

I am sorry if you took what I typed badly, but I stand by it.

I personally feel that the less you make a topic of your illness at work, the better. I don't tell many work colleagues, either. I want people to see me as productive, positive and capable. I refuse to be what I call a "sad sack."
I am widening the circle of who knows of my illness gradually, as I come to trust people and build relationships. But the majority of people I work with do not know, and I'd like to keep it that way. I do not allow myself to take sick days unless I have something that is transferable to others, like the flu or stomach bug. Some days are harder than others, but not spending time trying to decide if I should stay home has made me stronger and I know I can get through just about any bad fibro day by sheer will power. Do I sleep when I get home? Yes. Do I let my husband know how bad I am feeling? Yes. Home is my sanctuary and I make sure I have plenty of time there when I am not working.
That's just the way I am approaching things, but am interested in how others handle it. Everyone's journey is going to be different…if fibro has taught me anything, it is this.
HEART

When our families cannt even understand, how can we expect co-workers to?

I have many friends who i have listened to their health concerns for decades, who will not talk to me about my concerns..one even was told she may have fibro and i am thinking was later told thats it is not a real disease...as she talks of other health issues..but never mentions finro at all..she did not have the same form of fibro as i do.. But more similar to what one of my sisters has..i believe her daughter has fibro, but she has never said that..

Anyway people are not sympathetic unless its their own pain...

I am sorry that your co-worker made a snide comment. Sometimes people say things that they do not think about. I agree with the comments about carrying a water bottle or something with you. I almost have a drink of some kind with me; even if I am just going to the store. My kids laugh about it, but they are the first to remind me when we are leaving if I haven't grabbed something.

As for the blanket, I am also always cold (even before being diagnosed) and often use a blanket or shawl in my office or in meetings. My co-workers have never said anything about it. If they did, I would just tell them I get cold easy.

I have told several of my close co-workers about my diagnosis and some of my closer friends. They may not understand what it means, but at least I am advocating for invisible illnesses every time I speak up about how I feel.

Hope you are feeling better. Hold your head up high :)