Hi Everyone. My brother passed away December 3rd at 2:00 PM. Here is an account of his final days and final hours. Maybe it will help someone else. I told the doctors that if he had been able to see how his final hours progressed, he would not have been afraid of the process at all. I really did not know what to expect because it was a hospital setting (he was too sick to be transferred out of ICU for his passing), but they did everything possible to make things as peaceful and respectful as possible on the ICU floor. Here is my account of the events...
I've been away in ICU in New Orleans. My brother suffered a life-threatening attack about
a week ago and his blood pressure fell off so low that they called the family in at one am, saying that they were probably not going to be able to save him.
They did get him through that crisis, but at an awful price. A CAT scan done a few days later showed that he had suffered hundreds of strokes and brain swelling. 2/3's of his brain was affected, including the areas that control personality, vision, and even basic functions (like breathing). His daughter and I were called into a meeting with the doctors, and after seeing the CAT scan, I asked "If a healthy person had a stroke like this, what quality of life would you expect that person to have?". The doctor said "Zero percent chance that a person could even breath on his own, much less be able to conduct life without 24 hours care and supervision". The stroke also excluded him from the liver transplant list, so his End Stage Liver Disease would be terminal. After the stroke, his eyes were
open and he could hear us, but he was not the same Ted. It was very hard to see him like that. The day before the Shock attack that caused the strokes, he had been taken off the breathing tube and could actually communicate. He asked us several times for help. He kept saying "Help. Get me out of here", even tracing the word "help" on his sheets with his finger because we were having trouble understanding him.
After the meeting with the doctors, his daughter and I made the decision to remove all life support. I told him that we were going to remove all of the tubes and medical equipment and give him some pain medication to help him rest because I knew he was tired of the hospital and doctors and it was time to go "home". The hospital was wonderful. They started with lots of Morphine and Ativan for pain and anxiety. He closed his eyes and went to sleep. about
an hour later, they stopped all other medications, such as the one that was keeping his blood pressure artificially high. A little later, they turned off the vent tube and hook up oxygen to it. They turned off all alarms so things would be peaceful.
He held his own the first night. I stayed with him constantly. The following day, the doctor agreed to actually remove the breathing tube (that had already been off for hours). Some doctor's don't like to remove it because the "death rattle" disturbs the family, but I found it to be a much more natural progression without the tube. I personally believe that a person will "watch the progression of their own death"(out of body type experience), and I did not want him to see himself hooked up to all those tubes.
He seemed to be resistant to leaving for a while. We did start to notice a change in his color, finally. At one point, his daughter and I started laughing while telling each other stories about
things that we had done with him in the past. He told me last month that he did not want anyone to be sad or upset. He was very worried about
how his young daughter was going to deal with this. I think that hearing her laugh gave him what he needed to let go. Right after she started laughing, we saw his vitals cut in half. Within five minutes, his lines were fluctuating between zero and mild activity. A few minutes later, he had gone home. He passed away at 2:00 pm yesterday.
After we had spent a few minutes with him, I went out to find a nurse. She called in a doctor who manually checked for a heartbeat and looked at his eyes. He explained to us that the passing was not painful at all and told us that a hospital Chaplin would be in to explain what we need to do next. The Chaplin came in and took down some information about
my brother, as well as contact phone numbers. She then gave us some booklets that explained the process that is followed when someone dies. She told us to have the funeral home contact them and said that his death certificate application would be sent to the funeral home with his body and that a copy of the death certificate would be mailed to us in about
three weeks. She told us to take as much time as we wanted with him and to notify a nurse when we were ready to leave.
A few minutes after I left the hospital, his daughter called to say that the hospital had called to say that he would be a good candidate as an eye donor. She wanted to know my view on it, and I told her to let them salvage anything they could. He would have needed an organ to save his life, so I know he would have wanted to help other's. How wonderful that the saddest day of our lives will be one of the most wonderful days for a person who will get new vision thanks to the donation of my brother's eyes. The thought of that really comforts me. Our father actually had eye surgery due to an explosion several years ago, so our Dad was thrilled that someone else will get the same gift.
I miss my brother so much. I can't even believe that he is gone. I know that we made the right decisions, but boy, is it hard to make those types of decisions for a person who can not communicate their wishes. It's really hard.
Now we are planning a funeral. I am guardian of my Grandmother, and she and my brother both said that they had "no where to be buried" because they have no close relatives or family plots. We decided to bury my brother near his daughter, but to get two plots next to each other so my grandmother and brother will be together when the time comes. I know they would both be happy about
that arrangement. It's a perfect solution.
Post Edited (JustLookin) : 12/4/2008 7:41:42 PM (GMT-7)