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Posted 5/4/2009 9:41 PM (GMT 0)
hi

sorry to post again so soon i know it must be annoying for me to post so much but it is all new to me and no one else understands the stress i go through.  I am so frustrated and i dont know how to deal with it. I do everything for my mom but it seems like all she does is complain. i know it must be hard to go through what she is and i am trying but she yells at me and gets an attitude when she dont get what she wants. her lactulose has to be ordered and wont be in until tomorrow but yet she got mad at me cause i have to work and cant get the medicine to her sooner, even though it wont be in until 3 which if she would have listened to me she would have it today. I could only buy her one pack of cigarettes and she wanted two so she proceeded to yell at me at krogers in front of everyone and so i of course yelled back and then she said i was the one who embarrassed her. i know i should brush it off but i cant. i know this is part of the disease and the fact she is depressed, her potassium is down, and she has lost 14 pounds in ten days which the doctor is worried bout her, and the fact that she cant sleep cause of the pain in her legs and her overall pain. so how do i deal with it and get past her treating me like i am a dog after all i do for her. im beginning to think she is a hateful woman. and the problem is one minute she is okay and the next it is a totally different woman. 

im so stressed out it is getting to me from all this. i just want to run away and i want it all to end. No i dont want her to die but i want this disease to end. i cant take much more and i am new to this. does this feeling pass. i am at my wits end and no one understands. if i talk to my husband about it he will tell me to stop taking care of her and not to go around her. not his fault he is not a big fan of hers cause of her past and what she has done to us. but i dont have anywhere to turn and i am angry. i am angry at the disease, i am angry cause she is sick, i am angry cause she didnt take care of herself to prevent this(i know its not all preventable but for her the cirrhosis is cause she is a alcoholic and the hep c she either got as a drug addict or a blood transfusion, she lies so much it is hard to tell what is truth and what is not). i am angry cause she is not gonna be around for years to come to see her grandchildren grow up, i am angry cause i never had the relationship that we should have had through the years with her and it is too late for that. yet i am not angry at her. i am sad for her but she knows all the buttons to push for me. hell when she is mad at my sister she yells at me.

Posted 5/4/2009 11:01 PM (GMT 0)

{{{{{{{{{{Worriedgirl}}}}}}}}  It is not only the hep C/cirrhosis that is making your mom act that way--it is also the "ism" of alcoholism.  She may not still be drinking, but the "ism" is still there.  She is totally self-absorbed.  All alcoholics w/o treatment are.  They think the world revolves around them.  They are emotionally immature.  I understand your anger, believe me, and my daughter still has anger towards me...even though I've been sober nearly 23 yrs.  It's frustrating for me because I don't think she is ever going to let go of that deep-seated anger, no matter how long I'm sober or how much I try to make amends (and staying sober is the greatest amend.)

I think you need to speak up to your mom in a moment when she is rational.  Tell her that you are doing the best you can for her, but that you have a job and family, too.  You can also tell her that if she can't accept the limits to what you can do, perhaps she should be in a NH.  I'll bet that calms her down!  smilewinkgrin   Yes, she's sick, but that doesn't give her the right to treat you like crap.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 5/4/2009 11:07 PM (GMT 0)
god why is this so hard. now she is yelling at me for opening something from social security that i told her a week ago that i opened and she gave me permission to open. i dont know how to handle this
Posted 5/5/2009 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
Worriedgirl, My heart hurts for you. You are much too young to have the world on your shoulders. I would bet my bottom dollar that between the illness and the alcoholism is why she is acting that way. I went through the same thing with my husband but I have a lot of years on you....so I learned tricks on surviving the abuse.

Is there anyone else to help out with your mom? You really need a break. It would also be good for you to get some sort of support group. I know that it's hard to think right now.........go for a walk and calm down. Once you are calmer ........think...........any family or friends that can assist you? Call her doctor .....maybe he can come up with something.........whether it be home nursing, hospice or maybe refer you to a support group. Call a family meeting........discuss the issues and come to some kind of agreement on your mom. You can't keep handling it by your self.


Take care.........thoughts and prayers...........
Posted 5/5/2009 2:24 AM (GMT 0)
no me and my sis are only ones who knows and my sis is not dependable and has five kids
Posted 5/5/2009 3:36 AM (GMT 0)
Worriedgirl, ask your mom's doctor about Hospice Services for your mom.  Since she is not going to be evaluated for a transplant and is really not doing anything to improve, it shouldn't be a problem in getting them.  They will provide nurses, and a counselor to both your mom and the family.  Most families find Hospice to be a Godsend.


Posted 5/5/2009 5:01 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Worried Girl,

Connie's noting of the ism of alcoholism is right on. It seems like this is just happening to her, not you. As sweet as my friend, Mary is, I absolutely know that she is not aware of all the work and hardship her disease is putting on her family and me as her friend. Sometimes in my darkest moments I think that she should have done things differently. She knew she was sick with Hep C. She tried to stop drinking through week long and month long programs (like 10 times with each!). Yet she was never able to do it. She had 2 kids and even their presence didn't change the drive to drink or her lack of will to stop. I love her children (18 and 27, not kids, but young...). I see how hard this is on them and they lived with her being pretty much out of it through most of their lives. BUT we can't change the past, and sometimes I think the future is pretty set too. I hope you can get hospice involved. Don't let your mother's problems cause you problems in your marriage. Your mother is who she is. Your life is yours. Don't forget that.

Much love,

Joan
Posted 5/5/2009 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
will hospice help if they havent give her a timeline yet? she is just so hateful right now and this week it has been bad. there is no pleasing her. according to her she cant count on no one and no one is there for her yet i am the one who is taking her to the doctor and social security and to the grocery store and to get her meds. i am spending money that should go to my dr bills on her prescriptions so that she is taking care of. yet i am not dependable or a good daughter. when she yells at me she turns it around and then says it is me that is yelling at her. she is mad at me today because i asked my cousin to pick up her prescription so that she can have it since i got out of work late. is nothing i do good enough. i know that she is stressed, depressed, and not sleeping but does she have to be so hateful. at this point if it wasnt for the fact that i am the only one she can count on i would count her out of my life. i know it seems bad to say that but no one knows the things she has done to screw me over through the years and how she has treated me since i was eight years old yet i still stay around and do right by her. i love her dont get me wrong but how much is enough. sad thing is i am new to this disease and have just started taking care of her like i am but i am so stressed out. for three weeks i have not had time to do anything that i need to do cause i have to take her to the doctors and other stuff. i am sorry i just need to vent and get this off my chest. dont get me wrong i will not give up on her and i will take care of her as much as i can/
Posted 5/5/2009 9:36 PM (GMT 0)

Worriedgirl, it has to come from the doctor.  You need to speak with him and ask him if he thinks she has longer than 6 mos.  He probably won't want to give a time frame, so ask him for an "educated guess" and tell him you need Hospice help with your mom.  Tell him you would really appreciate it if he would recommend hospice or call them or however it works (someone here can tell you.)  You can call yourself and get the info, but I know that the doctor has to order it or state that the patient only has 6 mos. to live and should only receive palliative care.  After that, Hospice takes care of medications, nursing care, etc.  You really do need some help.

I do understand where you are coming from.  It's the very thing that made me cut off communication with my mother.  However, I was in FL and she was in NY and not sick at the time (aside from alcoholism.)  I only lived with her for 7 yrs. of my life (preteen and teen years), so I'm sure that made it easier for me to do.

In your case, I think you just need some help with her.

Hugs,

Connie

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