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No carehome No hospice how do I get her to go?

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Posted 7/29/2009 10:48 PM (GMT 0)
My sister told me today that she didn't want to go to a care home.  She is getting sicker and much more frequently now and I just can't take care of her like she needs.  

 I told her that I thought it was time to go back to the Emergency room which she is okay with.  But then she told me she didn't want to go back to the care center after the hospitalization.  She keeps telling me no to hospice, I guess she figures if she doesn't do hospice that she really isn't going to die. 

He keeps telling me that he will take care of her but I know better.  If one of his buddy's call he will want to hang out with them.  He'll wait until she falls to sleep and then leave thinking she will stay asleep.  I know she will wake up try to go to the kitchen or the bathroom and fall.  She's covered in buises from falling and it's too big of a chance that she will hit head. 

I know it is hard on him too but he is hindering me in taking proper care of his mom.  I'm okay if he gets mad at me for the desicions that I'm making but how do I convince her that it is in her best interest to either do the hospice or the care center?

Posted 7/30/2009 12:06 AM (GMT 0)
Tell her that if she gets better, she can go off hospice...which is true.  Tell her that's the only way she can remain in the home at this point.  Other than that, I just don't know what to tell you.  People who don't want help cannot really be forced to do what they don't want, unless you are willing to go to court, as I've mentioned to Allie and others.  She doesn't want to go to a care center because she won't be able to drink there.

I really feel for you, but you have been doing everything you can.  You can't sacrifice your own life for someone who cares nothng about her own.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 7/30/2009 4:48 PM (GMT 0)

i am sorry to hear that you are going through a similar ordeal to me with my mum.

like your sister my mumrefuses any help,  she has a partner who cares for her but still she has managed to fall several times, one time she had 16 metal clamps put in the back of her head. she too is covered black and blue, the least fall or knock leaves huge marks. her blood does not clot so good and she has had two bleeds in her brain. and still she refuses to believe how sick she is.

i take it, that it is your sisters son that looks after her. he must try hard but cant be there all times, if you cant persuade her, you have to leave her and let her live life as she chooses. i know its heartbreaking to watch, i struggle with it all the time. unless your sister has an accident that requires hospital treatment she will probably do anything to stay out the hospital.

if only you could send them somewhere and they would come back cured, then they could start to rebuild whats left of their life.

take care

Posted 7/31/2009 12:31 AM (GMT 0)
We took Sally to the hospital Tuesday evening and of course she was hospitalized for a blood transfusion, a tranfusion of albumin and to try to get rid of some fifty pounds of fluid that had built up.

Something finally clicked inside of her today. The doctor told her, as many others had, that she should do hospice. She finally started listening to me and allowed me to start the paperwork on the hospice care. The social worker is going to try and get her placed in a care home here in town. Last time we tried a care home no one would take her but now that we are going with hospice I'm hoping they will reconsider.

I should have know that God would find a way to get her to listen.

I'll keep you posted on how it is going. Thank you all for taking the time to listen.

Barbara
Posted 7/31/2009 12:40 AM (GMT 0)
Barbara, that is very good news!  I hope it works out and that your sister will get the care she needs.  It would take a lot of worry off of you.

 

Do keep us updated.

 

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 8/2/2009 1:59 AM (GMT 0)
Good news goes quickly. Her son and I are having to keep reafirming the desicion to go to the care center. I gues we will struggle until we actually get her signed in.
Posted 8/2/2009 4:17 AM (GMT 0)

Sounds like she is "forgetting" that she agreed to it.  So yes...keep reaffirming that this is something she agreed to, and also be very positive about it.  Tell her what great care she will receive, etc.

Good luck!

Connie

Posted 8/5/2009 9:30 PM (GMT 0)
Well we signed the hospice paperwork yesterday.  Which is a good sign but she still isn't convinced that she she is going to die.   She keeps telling me not to sell her car because maybe everyone is wrong and she really has a long time left. 

The doctor stated that she has less than 10% of her liver left and her kidneys are getting worse also.  It is hard to watch her making her future plans when I know there isn't much future left. 

 

Posted 8/6/2009 3:02 AM (GMT 0)
Barb64, I am reading your post and I feel so sad for you. It is hard to watch all of this I know. The good news is that hospice will make her comfortable. It brings her some hope to believe that she will survive this. I would go along with it for her sake. I don't believe that she should lose hope or just give up. You are brave and strong and I know that you will be by her side. She will rely on you for strength now. Say everything you want said while she can still respond verbally. When the time comes that she can't talk to you continue talking and touching her hand. etc. She will be able to hear you but won't be able to answer. We are here for you.
Posted 8/6/2009 10:22 AM (GMT 0)

hello Barb

you might have much longer than you thought with your mum. it truly is in gods hands.

when my mum was told she only would live 3 months if she continued to drink, that was over two years ago. me myself, would not be able to take the amount of alcohol that she takes and still function, but she manages it.  and still life goes on for her .... many times i have though about people who get no chances in life, they are in an accident or have an illness but do not survive.  through reading many past posts, i realise that liver disease has no fast rules and as you know can affect all parts of the body.

in her own mind she probably wonders what all the fuss is about, she might not be the person she was but she still can manage. maybe thats what keeps her going,who knows. i know my mum is in complete denial over her addiction and how ill she is, she says she cant remember being in hospital so many times. maybe she just remembers what she wants to.

i hope you find some help for your mum,that defianately takes the worry of u. as caring for her means you are constantly worrying about her. you have to take some time out and think of yourself, its not selfish but necessary.

Posted 8/6/2009 9:25 PM (GMT 0)
Rick, I hope your right and that she will improve but with all the other medical problems, congesitve heart failure and kidney disfunction I'm not going to hold out for a miricle. I know she is feeling better right now but she just got a blood transfusion so I know it won't last long.

I will be watching to see how she does and if she does improve I'll bring her home again but I don't think I can keep dealing with the drinking and there is no one else willing to take her so there is a part of me that would rather have her stay in the care center. Allie, I don't know how you do it. I see how fustratd you get in your messages but you keep on picking up the pieces.

god bless you both,
barbara
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