pains in liver

hi,

i have a question for you guys. as you know my mom has hepatitis c anc cirrhosis of the liver. it was a long bumpy road but i finally helped get her blood work levels where they are. i helped her get on a low red meat diet with low sodium and went to most of her doctor appointments(i couldnt go in during the summer cause my kid and she has no idea what her meema has) which made the doctor start caring more. well last night my mom told me that she has been getting pains in her liver and it is happening more frequently now. i am wondering if that means anything or if it is normal. we should get the results of her ct scan this week to see if her liver is getting worse or staying put or making sure there is no cancer(cross my fingers)

another question is she has been having weird dreams of people that have died, like a old family friend that died from cirrhosis and my uncle who died from hep. c and i told her it might be her subconscous dealing with her mortality but could it mean something. she says she feels like she has gotten worse but cant explain it and she says if she cant get treatment her doctor told her a year ago that she may not live but a year and half ago.

i freaked out yesterday cause i didnt hear from my mom in two days and i just realized that im afraid that one day she is gonna die and die alone. i ask myself why should i really care anyways she never was really there for me but i know deep down it is because i dont want her to die without knowing i love her. i want to tell her i forgive her for the drugs and alcohol that she did and not always being there for me growing up but im not sure if i really do yet(im getting there) and i am afraid of starting an argument. but do i tell her sometime so when she dies she goes with a clean slate or do i keep quiet and avoid the possible confrontation. (she is also bipolar which i think contributed to the alcohol and drugs cause she doesnt get medicated and hasnt been properly diagnosed but by a community service counselor.)

i feel so much for everyone here and i know you are going through so much more than i am since i am not the one who is sick but the family also goes through hell with this disease. i hate looking at my mom sometimes cause she looks like a 80 year old woman but she is 52. 

no it is been awhile since her draining, she hasnt needed one recently. is it right to want to let my mom die with a clean slate? does she deserve it with all that she has done to me? i suppose so if she is really trying. im really scared because she is dying and she is suffering and there is nothing i can do. i wouldnt wish this disease on anyone. in some ways i really feel like when one person has this disease the other family member has it to without the side effects. it is rough seeing someone you love go through this. sad thing is she cant get insurance, social security keeps turning her down and if she dont get a liver she is gonna die. the doctor told her a year and a half if the meds didnt work and she dont get a new liver. well the shot messed her whole body up and they had to discontinue and without insurance a liver is out of the question. i just want to take the pain away from her and i cant and that kills me. she used to walk miles and ride bikes all the time and now riding a bike takes all her energy away and it takes days to recover. i know my worries are small compared to hers and you guys since i am not inflicted with this disease

 i am stage two...hep c...37 years old.....pains on right side....lower back pain....can someone tell me what i can do or take to feel better....already took 42 weeks of treatment...over six months ago....it didn't take...see the liver dr again on the 27th  this month (august)...my geno type is 1a...started eating right....going to try liver flushing ....please give advice....i feel alone on this matter....

Hi worriedgirl, I read your posts and I feel so bad for you in so many ways. But first, I think that the issue of forgiveness is uppermost in my mind right now. Rick is right....once your mom passes there isn't any opportunity to talk and work some issues out. Holding on to anger and resentment is more harmful for you then for anyone else. You know that what happened in the past is past. You can't change events and memories from your childhood and you certainly can't change someone elses behavior. What you can change is YOUR attitude. You sound like a very loving person with some very admirable traits. The enrgy you are using to hold all the resentment in is wasted energy. You have too much going for you to throw away any possible resolutions. If you and your mom can talk honestly with each other and you can tell her how hurt you have been it may surprise you with what can come of it. I know it is hard to do but I believe that you have the strength to discuss it with her. She may not say all the things you want to hear but at least you will be talking about it. In reality I don't think anyone has a child then decides they want to destroy their childs life as well as their own. It happens because of bad choices that grow and grow into an uncontrollable situation. I would be willing to bet that if she could go back in time knowing what she knows now she wouldn't make the same choices. Hind sight is always 20/20. You love her very much or you wouldn't do all that you do right? Let your love guide you not your resentment. Love is a very powerful emotion and truly can get us through some very difficult times. Unfortunately, it sounds like you and her will be faced with alot worse in the coming months. You have to let go of all those bad feelings in order to be there for her and to fully recover yourself. When she passes you will be able to look at yourself and know that you did all you could for her emotionally and physically. Love yourself first.....then and only then can you truly love someone else.

worriedgirl, I can honestly say that I wouldn't trust her either if she were my mother. You are a good daughter and I can see that even though you endured alot of adversity you have overcome it all. Your heart is full of love for a woman who probably doesn't deserve it. But....those experiences have made you the wonderful person you are. You should be proud of yourself. It seems so odd sometimes that something good can come of something bad. Your strength and goodness will see you through.