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Posted 8/25/2009 8:06 PM (GMT 0)
redface  Hello all caretakers,

I just want you to know that I've noticed I am being very miserable to my family and saying things like I dont care if I don' see anybody again ect. After really thinking about what i'm doing and saying:

Iv'e come to the conclusion that I really don't mean it but in some way if i'm miserable and keep my family away from me they wont see me in any discomfort or watch my disease slowly or rapidly progress maybe they wont hurt so much when i'm gone. So please dont take it to heart when the person your careing for or love , may be acting this way or similar. Remember they love you and they are just trying to cope too,trying to have some control of their life, and trying in a weird way to protect you from this disease.

My prayers are with you all of you, I know this is no easy task.

Dee Dee

Post Edited (deedee48) : 8/25/2009 2:47:47 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/25/2009 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
DeeDee, it took alot of courage for you to share that with us. Believe me I know what you mean but I want you to know that while trying to shield your loved ones the way that you are is more hurtful to them than you know. I would bet that you are a loving and caring person normally. While you are able it may benefit you to be open with your family. They would be more understanding if they knew that you feel like you are losing control, that you are afraid, that you are sad, or whatever you are feeling. (I don't want to put words in your mouth). Let them know that sometimes you just want to be left alone for awhile, or that you want them close to you. Whatever you want to say then say now. Bottom line is they know in their hearts that you don't mean the things you are saying. But why make them miserable when you really don't have to? Grieving and coping are two difficult things to deal with for everyone. We all do it in our own way. Again let me say that the caregivers need any love you are able to give them while you can. I wish you only the best and please don't feel like I am scolding you because I am not. I do understand the frustration you must be feeling. I just believe that there are other ways to deal with those emotions. GOD BLESS and we are here for you. Please post anytime you want and say whatever you want.
Posted 8/25/2009 8:57 PM (GMT 0)

Shelly ,I know your right and i have to put my defenses down and let my family know how I feel. I do LOVE them deeply and want them with me. I don't want to hurt them,not ever. Thanks for you input.

Dee Dee

Posted 8/25/2009 9:20 PM (GMT 0)
DeeDee, sometimes it's just so hard to put things in the proper perspective but you will do it. I know you will. It is evident that you love them deeply and they know that too. Everything has a way of working itself out. Things will happen the way they are supposed to no matter what we do. I for one have every confidence in you and I know that you will get everything straightened out with them. You are very brave and I admire that. Just coming on this site and sharing how you feel was an act of bravery. I will pray for you and your family.
Posted 8/26/2009 1:27 AM (GMT 0)
Shelly,Thank you. I/we need all the prayers we can get.
Thanks for listening. I hope , I also helped some to understand That we don't always have control. Its hard for me to admitt I'm not able to do everything and fix it all. I am optimistic and do and am fighting this disease.
Take Care All
Dee Dee
Posted 8/26/2009 6:13 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Deedee. Thank you for that prospective. I knew it was not really my husband being so mean that it was the disease and that he was afraid ........but I didn't think of it the way that you explained it. You just turned on a light bulb for me.

Take it one day at a time. Try not to worry about tomorrow......it will take care of it self. Try to find enjoyment in everyday with your family.......I'll tell you a little secret........you can not protect them from the pain..........but you can ease it a little for them. Talk to them about everything. It's was the hardest part for me.....was not being able to talk with my husband about his fears and things......he couldn't talk about it.......until almost the end.

Take care..........thoughts and prayers.........
Posted 8/26/2009 7:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi
pink grandma you got it right by saying that the sufferer can ease the pain of the carer, by communicating. looking at my mum coping with this illness and the physical effects it has on her is bad enough. but the pain i feel when she shuts me out, when i phone her and she cannot wait to get of the phone , when i visit her she cant wait until i go, this hurts. i have begged my mum to be honest with me, i think if i know what she is feeling i can be closer to her and try and understand her, which gives the mother daughter relationship hope. your family need you right now Dee Dee. they might hurt when they see you sick, but they still need you. you obviously love them lots and are going through your own emotional pain right now, but you will get there. writing about it is a start, a very good start.
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