My husband has hep and is alcoholic

DeeDee, I know exactly how you feel.  Even though I am an alcoholic, I've been sober for 23 yrs.  I simply will not live with a practicing alcoholic.  It is more than I can handle.  I left a husband and a long-term b.f. because of this.  It's a little harder when you have children, but it is not good for them to be exposed to an alcoholic parent, either.  I would kick him out until he can get and stay sober...or take the kids and leave.  But that's me.  If you decide to stay, don't even get into arguments with him.  You know you can't reason with a drunk.  Just let it be known to him (when he is not drinking) that you will not put up with it and that unless he gets treatment and stops, you don't need him in your life.  Stress is really bad for people with hep C and liver disease in general.  I made a decision some time ago to eliminate all unnecessary drama from my life, including that of my grown daughter.  It's a matter of self-preservation.  Remember to take care of YOU!

Hugs,

Connie

deedee48 said...
Hi Connie,Shelly,and worried girl, Thanks for the advice and being there. My kids are grown adults and thank goodness my husband wasnt as bad as he is now whhen they were growing up. Now he is out of control and I swear even if he only has 2 drinks hes drunk, Hes mean with his mouth and facial expressions mainly with me.like He is like 2 different people. He could be picking on me 1 min. and the next saying he loves me. He says Its me that Im losing my mind and that its my liver causing it. In all reality its him. I think his ammonia levels are high since the more he drinks the more confused he gets  Last night I  had to get away, so I left and went to the movies. I did enjoy being away. Today he went to work and came home drunk and of course it was the same old thing all over again. I have to seriosly do something even if it means leave him but I have alot of legal stuff to look into first since we have alot of assets. I do know I need to take care of me for a change. So much for cutting my work hours for now.

Thanks again for being there,

Dee Dee

Rick, she said their kids are grown--thank goodness.  That's why I suggested she might be able to stay with one of them.  But of course, another relative some distance away would also be a good idea.  With any of them, she would need to be able to commute to work.  Hopefully, it won't come to that, but it is definitely good to have options and an emergency plan if it becomes necessary.

Hugs,

Connie

My thoughts and prayers are with you both.

Hugs,

Connie

DeeDee, I am really sorry that your husband isn't taking his sobriety seriously.  Something really drastic may have to happen to get him to wake up.  I know you are sick yourself, and stress is not a good thing for you.

My suggestion is to set up a consultation with a divorce lawyer.  It should not cost you anything for the consultation.  He will tell you what you need to do to either A) get him out of the house or B) leave yourself but manage not to commit financial suicide.  When I was married to husband #2 who drank, one night I felt like he was seconds from hitting me.  I could feel that he really wanted to and I was scared.  I had warned him if he ever touched me he would find himself in jail so fast his head would spin.  But I was scared enough to go to a friend's place and take enough clothes for a week.  I slept on an air mattress in her spare room.  I saw a lawyer that week and he told me that all I would have to say to get him out of the apt. was to tell the cops I was in fear of him due to his drinking and how he became.  So I used that bit of information to get him out of the apt.  I told him if he didn't go, I would go to the police and have him put out.  That scared him.  He didn't know where he was going to go, but by the next day he had been accepted at the AA club we went to (though he wasn't "getting it" as your hubby isn't), where they had a couple of small bedrooms and he was known there.  He was able to stay there free and still go to work.  After he had been sober for 3 mos., I let him come back.  He didn't drink again, but the marriage still didn't work out and I ended up leaving him...and he went back to the booze and is still on it to this day.   I did get a portion of his pension and we split the furnishings between us.  We didn't have joint checking and there were no savings.  I was on his insurance and remained on it until Jan. (open enrollment), when he was able to have me removed.  So then I had to go to Shands free clinics.

Just a suggestion as you really need to take care of you.  Don't worry about him.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hugs,

Connie

Hi Connie and Rick, Just wanted to update you on my husbands drinking. He was up and down. He was doing good until the end of Nov. then he did a number with it. Stopped again and seem to be doing really well, then the holidays came and he was obnoxious. I was so angry ,disappointed and so on with him and so was my daughter. My daughter told him about it and said his behavior is unacceptable and she won't let her children see their grandpa like this or want them around him. I guess he was having black-outs since he didn't remember much of anything. He told me he is sick and tired of drinking and feeling bad, he says he feels good when he is sober. He hasn't had a drink since Dec. 30th and started going to meetings again, he even turned down going hunting with his buddies(drinking buddies) Which to me this is a good sign. He said he is not going to our cabin for awhile,until he gets some more sobrity behind him, this to sounds promising. You know that saying people,places and things. I pray to God that all that he is saying is true and my hubby stops for good.

Thanks for listening and being there for me to vent and for all the advice . I'm sorry I haven't been on in awhile but I always think of you and you are always in my prayers.

Take care ,

DeeDee

Hi Connie and Rick and everyone else! Hubby is still going to meetings and talking with me more on how he feels/or if he thinks about a beer, so far so good,no drinking. I pray it stays this way. He was a functional alcoholic for years,but,this past year he couldn't barley think straight. I guess it caught up to him.

I'm hanging in there but your right about the stress, I can't handle much more.. I have to go next week to get my labs and liver scan, Please say a prayer for me that everything turns out good. I will let you know when I get the results.

Take care my dear forum friends,

Dee Dee

Rick, that's very true that instant gratification is also part of addiction.  ("I want it and I want it NOW!")  Addicts are people who never really grew up emotionally/mentally.  Temptations are all around us every day.  But it is the willingness not to give in to them and to choose a different way of dealing with frustrations, hurts, etc., one day at a time, that leads to sobriety.

And Rick--please take a pic of yourself before you head out!  Oh, nevermind--I can already picture it.  You goofball!

Hugs,

Connie

THanks Connie, for trying to explain your opinions, you have made it easier to understand. I try to form my opinions on what knowledge i have and any experiences I have been through myself.  I don'twish to offend anyone with my difference of opinion. Liver disease, alcoholics i can only form my opinion on what i have been through.

Years ago i went to see a doctor about my disorder,he did not understand but sent me to a psychologist.  all she wanted to do was disect my life and what i had been through, throughout the years.  She never helped, maybe i did not give her a chance but i was fed up leaving her office more depressed than i was when i went in. although i have had this disorder for many years i do manage to control it most of the time, but it is always there.

Also, when my husband and i went through the adoption process in Scotland, we went to lots of group sessions. A big part of that was addictions (drug and alcohol abuse) and the effects on the childeren born to addcits. The same for birth parent who suffered manic depression/ schizophrenia. They had figures to support heredity factors, i think it was 10% if one parent had suffered or 20% chance if both parents suffered. They had a lot of background info on birth parents and this was to ensure we knew what our adoptive child might have a chance in developing these illnesses. They also went into other illnesses handicaps ect.  We both have family history of both, it never occured to us not to have our first child who was born naturally, why should we deny ourselves and another child for the same reason.

Sorry Dee Dee for taking over your post a bit