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do caregivers drink?

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Posted 2/12/2011 11:48 PM (GMT 0)
When my husband was dx with cirrhosis and stopped drinking, I chose to stop drinking too.  At first, it was because the thought of consuming alcohol was revolting.  It felt morally wrong, because this was the substance that was hurting the person I love most in the world.  Now, I feel that I need to not drink to support my husband.  How can I expect him to not drink if I can't do the same?  Plus, after learning all these horrible things about liver disease, I never want to fall victim to this illness.

I have had one friend be down right stupid about my choice...he has the problem not you kinda thing.  Other friends have said, you can have a drink he's not here.  Others have said, oh, wait a year, then you can.

My choice is to not drink again.

What do other caretakers do?  How does drinking or not drinking effect/affect (not sure which is the right word to use) the loved one with liver disease?

Emma

Posted 2/12/2011 11:58 PM (GMT 0)
Emma, as a recovering alcoholic, I can tell you that early on I didn't want to be around anyone drinking, whether or not they had a drinking problem.  A recovering person is trying to learn how to live without alcohol and it doesn't help to have someone drinking in front of him/her or having it on one's breath.  As times goes on, it ceases to matter...but it does take time...in my case, years.

I'd be interested in learning how caregivers feel about this and, if they have stopped out of respect for their loved one, is there ever a point when you feel it's okay to drink again?

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 2/13/2011 4:37 AM (GMT 0)
Out of respect for my husband, I don't drink. And, to be quite frank, I really could care less if I ever did. Now, I will have a glass of wine every once in a blue moon when at friends for dinner (if he's not with me). But, I never was one to be much of a drinker anyway.

Mer
Posted 2/13/2011 5:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Gang,

I stopped altogether as my fiancee was tapering down. He did quit and we still don't drink - although I should say he is extremely ill right now. I felt that he wasn't going to be successful at quitting if I didn't quit too and show that I was as much committed to the lifestyle change as he was. And it is a lifestyle change and I like it. When he first quit we would play trivial pursuit or monopoly instead of imbibing in front of the TV and that made a difference - messing our routine up. He never asked me to quit but I think it was a given.

Like Mer, I couldn't care less if I never drink again. My fiancee and I talked about whether or not we could see ourselves having a drink or two, like the old days and we felt it was pretty far off, if not an impossibility.

I don't think it would taste the same and I think, given the heartache it's caused my family, that it ever would. A 'drink' used to symbolize a celebration or a special occasion and now it just looks insidious.
Posted 2/13/2011 6:16 AM (GMT 0)
I quit before my husband quit.....How could I drink if that is what I was asking him not to do.......after he died......I did drink a few times.......but don't drink much at all anymore......
Posted 2/13/2011 7:43 AM (GMT 0)
As I mentioned in the opening post, I don't drink any more either. I quit one day before hubby did. I missed it for about the first 30 days or so, but now I just don't care if I ever have another drink again.

The hardest part about the first 30 days was I was so stressed about hubby and drinking was my way to relax. So it has been learning new ways of coping and behaving.

I agree with KellyBelli, a drink was always a happy thing...celebration...party, etc. Now me too, it just makes me very sad, and thinking of bad hurting things.

Emma
Posted 2/13/2011 9:37 AM (GMT 0)
This is a really interesting thread. I have not had a drink since my various still-undiagnosed problems reappeared in December -- not even a sip of champagne on New Year's Eve. My husband and I had a routine of having a cocktail on the weekend nights and occasionally on a weeknight as a way to relax. Needless to say we've stopped that. But he still drinks beer and wine almost every evening. I stopped enjoying beer a long time ago, but I do like a glass of wine now and then and it is sort of sad to watch him drink it. I honestly cannot imagine my husband giving up drinking all together, but if I were in worse shape maybe it would be a different story. I find it also hard to go to parties and places where drinking is the social thing to do, and some people no longer invite me places, but I think I will get used to drinking a club soda. Whether alcohol is part of my problem or not, I feel better without it, and I know it doesn't help. It would be easier if this were a complete lifestyle change in our home, and I admire those of you who have made that sacrifice. hana
Posted 2/13/2011 7:22 PM (GMT 0)

They've had warning labels on cigarettes for years.  I think the same should be done with alcohol:  "Drinking this can be dangerous to your health" or "Drinking this can cause liver disease."  Maybe one day.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 2/13/2011 7:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Connie,
Bars in NYC have warnings to that effect.
Posted 2/13/2011 8:36 PM (GMT 0)

Really?  Signs above the bar or what?

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 2/13/2011 8:57 PM (GMT 0)
I have never been much of a drinker... one a year or so... but prior to Mike's first run at sobriety.... and 3 1/2 years... it was... but prior to that... it only took one time of blood soaked walls and cleaning it... for me to swear it off forever... I am sober and will remain so the rest of my life .,,
Posted 2/13/2011 9:17 PM (GMT 0)
Not sure what the rules are...but I have seen warnings on bottles and in bars/restaurants.  I believe most are related to birth defects and driving while intoxicated.  I feel that there is a huge lack in liver disease education.  I know hubby and I were pretty blind sided by what cirrhosis and liver disease is.

Emma

 

Posted 2/13/2011 9:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Connie,
They're posted in pain sight, but I doubt many people look at them, much less are swayed by the message. The signs aren't huge, letter sized, and no red ink to highlight them.
Posted 2/13/2011 10:11 PM (GMT 0)
 "in pain sight"

Freudian slip, David?

Emma, I agree there should be more education.  Perhaps in the form of PSAs like they do with smoking.  I know the warnings on cigarette packages and the PSAs got me to thinking.  I tried seriously to stop smoking 3 times.  The third time worked.  But like alcohol, one has to really want to stop.  And it usually takes more than one try.  That's why it's so great that your guy and ML's have remained abstinent going on 4 mos.  However, their motivation was getting sick and being prepared for a transplant.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 2/14/2011 12:04 AM (GMT 0)
Whoops! More like a Freudian sip. The "L" on my laptop sticks. As usual, Connie caught what Spell check missed.
Posted 2/14/2011 1:49 AM (GMT 0)
I myself have never been a big drinker..... as a teen maybe tried a few things to excess. Doug never minded if I went out and had a few with friends or if we were attending a function. He said he made bad choices in his life but that shouldnt stop me from enjoying a drink, I cant hold more than three anyways so one or two is my limit.....
Sue
Posted 2/14/2011 3:27 AM (GMT 0)
I'm not a big drinker either...Only socially. A beer in the hot summertime when we have a fish fry, or a glass of red wine with a big steak or an Italian dinner is good at times...I am anemic, have been since I was a kid and the Dr. said a glass of red wine every now and then is good for your blood...I think it's like anything else...in MODERATION.....:)
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