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Posted 3/4/2011 1:14 AM (GMT 0)
Went with hubby today for his appt. Bottom line, there's not much the Doctor can do. His liver enzymes have doubled since Nov. He said at the stage he's at if he does paracentesis, it will be back in a matter of a couple of days. I asked about the yellow diarrhea and whether he thought it was a blockage, and he said no. Said his labs don't really reflect anything like that and he thinks his liver is just not functioning and affecting his digestive system to this degree. Told me to continue to give him Imodium. I told him we were concerned that he is urinating very little and the water pills are not working and his stomach is getting even bigger. He said the labs reflect that his kidneys are functioning so he is not in danger there. He just thinks that all the fluid is going to his stomach instead of his kidneys that why he's not producing much urine. I asked if he knew how much of his liver was still functioning and he said no....Our next appt with his GI Doctor is June fo his next ultrasound. If he makes it that long......Again, he had the talk with him about quitting and possibilities of rehab. He really tries and cares about my husband because he didn't leave it alone! He has been his Doctor for 24 years! The room got quiet and we both waited for some response. Hubby said he'd think about it.....The nearest rehab to us is appx 1 1/2 hr away and Dr. said he would need to go in for at least 90 days and that he would be limited as to visitors at first. The only food he can eat right now is noodles and bread. Anything else hurts his stomach or gives him more diarrhea. This is pure hell and I'm living it! He could tell I was upset on the way home..He said he would TRY to quit but no promises and he did ask more questions about the rehab but got teary eyed when we talked about him going away for 90 days and me not being there with him...I really think whats on his mind is that he would go there and die sometime in that 90 days away from me and he is scared.....so, I don't know if that's going to happen. But, either way, he's going to leave me and now I'm a basket case! I'm crying while I'm typing this.....This is so hard and awful and everything. We've been married 14 years and together for 17....Now we wait, and wait, and wait.......God only knows.........
Posted 3/4/2011 2:49 AM (GMT 0)
I agree 90 days away at this point... what if he doesn't have 90 days...maybe there are other options... step back girl... is he seeing a liver specialist or just a general practitioner??? Mike had ultrasounds sooner than that when they needed... maybe a referral...I don't know... my prayers are with both of you... it's a tough walk... Sandi
Posted 3/4/2011 2:53 AM (GMT 0)
SW-good that you were at appt. Sorry that it didn't go as well as you hoped. I would not want to be apart from my hubby for 90 days either. I would be too scared. I mentioned before that my hubby did his rehad/detox at home...2 weeks on a valium type med...he did not experience any bad withdrawal symptoms...sleeping most of the time. Someone had to be home with him though. He couldn't be alone. Time was split between me, our 24yo son and my mom. Anyway your hubby could detox at home?

I also agree with Sandi, can't he go to the GI doc next week? June is too far away.

The morning hubby said he would do this, I threw out all the alcohol in the house. I even threw away glassware. Didn't want any reminders.

I am praying for you and your husband.

Emma
Posted 3/4/2011 3:44 AM (GMT 0)
SW, I'm very sorry.  Many alcoholics can stop drinking.  Staying stopped is a different story.  That's why 90 days is recommended.  But unless they have a detox program, he's not going to just be able to go into rehab.  And he's certainly not going to quit by himself, at home.  Not without a tranquilizer, which must be monitored, and a strong will to live and stay sober.  Sure, you'll miss him if he's gone for 90 days, and usually there's no contact allowed for the first 30.  But this is about him, not you.  The reason for the isolation with other recovering people is to keep the focus on the work and not on outside relationships and concerns.  It's about learning to live sober, and building a good foundation in sobriety.  Which, if successful, will bring you many HAPPY days together...if it's not too late.  From what you've described, I think he needs to make a decision NOW.  It's obvious that he is getting worse each passing day.

I drank alcoholically for 22 years.  My life was a mess and for a long time I didn't "get" that the problem was my drinking.  Finally, I realized that perhaps I had a problem with alcohol and went to AA to find out.  I felt like I had "come home."  I virtually heard my own story at Speaker Meetings.  These were my people.  And I learned how to stay sober one day at a time and to create a new life.  I also was very motivated.  Now I have many more sober days than I had drunk ones.

Emma, your guy is still in alcohol counseling, right?  The group counseling?

Hugs,

Connie

 

Posted 3/4/2011 3:48 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, he is seeing his family physician and a Gastro Dr. He first saw the GI in Sept and had his ultrasound. He had portal hypertension and of course was diagnosed with cirrhosis (which I think he has had for a long time). He had him come back in Jan, which we did, and then due again in June. And no, I don't want him to go away for 90 days, even to try to detox....I just don't think he would make it and I could not live with myself if I could not spend his last days with him....At first the Dr's gave him Librax to help him try to stop drinking and relax. It did help him relax but also sent his mind into HE episodes....I thought his mind was gone at times! He slept at least 16 hrs a day...Then I think he figured it out on his own and stopped taking them...His mind is back to normal and only sleeps 12 hrs a day now...If I see he's serious about trying to quit, there's nothing I won't do to help him. I'm hoping over the next few days he will think on it and decide one way or the other......I'm just praying, and appreciate your prayers too! That's about all I can do for him right now...
Posted 3/4/2011 3:56 AM (GMT 0)

He has a much greater chance of making it if he goes into rehab than if he doesn't.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 3/4/2011 3:59 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Connie,
And I actually would be happy if he said he would go...the problem is that he does not want to be away from me....Yes, I would miss him, and yes I would be scared, but I would still support him if he made the decision to go because I want him to quit. But I'm just afraid he won't. This is one of those moments in your life that you're darned if you do and darned if you don't, if you know what I mean. I want him to decide because I just can't do it for him...And I think it was you or PG that said they are scared of the sober life because all they've ever known is a life that includes drinking...I shared that with him and I could tell he was pondering about it....Maybe, maybe...................
Thanks for the support and the advice!
Posted 3/4/2011 4:07 AM (GMT 0)

It was me and it's absolutely true, SW.  I didn't have to go to rehab--I quit before I was in the shape some of your guys are now--but going to AA at first all I knew was fear.  I was afraid of everything.  I was very familiar with the boozing lifestyle, but didn't know what was going to replace it or who I would turn out to be.  But I persisted and found that in sobriety I am the person I was meant to be.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 3/4/2011 4:31 AM (GMT 0)
Connie-yes my hubby is still going to his group chemical dependency meetings. Also meeting individually with his case/manager counselor too. And I am also seeing my counselor too. That has been a god send for me. She is the head of the chemical dependency program at our health center and she has had a relative pass from ALD, so she can really talk to me about the alcohol issues.

I am so proud---hubby is sober 5 months and 4 days today.

SadWife-I asked hubby if he likes being sober...the drinking was such a big part of his whole life...and a big part of our social life. He says overall he likes it better. That he feels physically better. But, he does miss the drinking from time to time. We didn't discuss it further. A different time when we talked about it he mentioned the taste, but he also has talked about the ritual of it...that he liked that. That was why I tossed out all the cocktail glasses when he quit drinking. I was trying to remove the reminders of the ritual. I hope your husband decides to stop. Positive thoughts and prayers to you.

Emma
Posted 3/4/2011 5:45 AM (GMT 0)
Emma, congratulations to your hubby and to ML's, too!  That's a great accomplishment!  Thoughts of drinking and occasional cravings last for a really long time.  The way to handle that is to think it through...for me, I could never have one of anything...be it a glass of wine or a cigarette or a bowl of ice cream.  In time, the thoughts about alcohol and the cravings become fewer and fewer.  But I don't know that they ever go away altogether.  I think it's a blessing...so we realize we are just one drink away from a drunk.  Once we think we have it beat, we are in a perilous state of mind.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 3/4/2011 12:22 PM (GMT 0)
Yea Emma, I think that's the majority of the problem...The ritual part of it as you say...He worked for at least 20 years out on the road with a crew, most of that before we met...and that was their daily thing...work all day from 6 to 6, come in, grill, have a drink, go to bed....day after day after day....even after he stopped that line of work, he still followed that same style. My dad stopped smoking when he was 25 and says to this day when he smells a cigarette he still wants one....he doesn't though....and he's 78 years old and still going! :) I think your will and desire to stop has to outweigh your desire to have just that one drink and I honestly don't know if mine has it......so sad but true......It sure is scary that one drink can have that king of power over a human being!
Posted 3/4/2011 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
(((SADWIFE)))

Your pain and anxiety is palpable from here--I am so sorry!!

Perhaps piecing out the situation may help (if he is willing to go).

The "90 days" seems so daunting. . . especially when looking at the "90 day hole."  But if the focus is on getting him there for a day and then dealing day after day, maybe you can see that you have more control.

Others know the statistics better than me, but if he is sober, I would think his chances of making it 90 days are exponentially increased. 

What if he does a downturn?  The staff should (and would) include medical personnel who can adequately monitor his situation.  They will want him to be with family if his health is such that death is imminent. . . in that case, I am sure he will either be brought back home to you or to a hospital or other place of your choosing.  The staff will be able to help you determine that which can be fixed and that which can't (ie can sobriety affect his length and quality of life).

He is not under a court order. . .they cannot force him to stay there.  The "90 days" is what he needs and should have. . . .and should be planned for. ..but his staying 90 days will be a choice that you all make. . . and I think a choice that is easier if looked upon as a choice.

Before my mom went to rehab, my fiance and I went to the facility.  I'll tell you, my first thought was very negative.  I thought "I can't send mom here."  (ie. it wasn't physically nice enough eyes ).  I looked long and hard for another facility and through that process I realized that I had it all wrong.  What I thought important, really wasn't.  For your comfort, perhaps you can go visit the rehab.  Talk to the staff; share and explain your concerns. . .expect some discomfort on your part--it is hard and scary--don't let rehab be "the black hole", make it familiar. 

Sending all my love to you and hubby!

Posted 3/4/2011 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for the support! I am going to sit down this weekend with him and talk more about the rehab. Yesterday was just an emotional roller coaster and neither one of us was thinking straight last night I know...I'm going to stress to him that I want him to go......I know that's what it's going to take to get him OUT of his ritual! Of coure, again, he's going to have to get his mind set to do it all the way. I want him to WANT to go and get better or it will never work. We have come this far and we're going to see it through! I feel like I'm fighting my way through a foot of cobwebs! If THAT makes any sense at all...............

Anyway, you're all great and I appreciate the comments, advice and reasoning. I'm going to give it all I've got!

I'll check in with you on Monday, if not before and let you know how the "talk" went. Pray for us!

Thanks!

Posted 3/5/2011 12:49 AM (GMT 0)
 

Sadwife

I know exactly how you are feeling as we had the same news this week.  I have had all the same emotions and still can't work out why hubby won't even try to give up the drink.

I too am struggling to deal with this and pray for a miracle.

Please look after yourself and I am thinking of you

Val

Posted 3/5/2011 2:18 PM (GMT 0)
Val, I'm so sorry....For what it's worth, all I can make of all of this is that God has a greater purpose for us in this life...It may be only that others reading this can get some comfort and knowledge from what we are going through.
Take care and if you need to visit with me more personally maybe our moderator can tell us how we can share e-mail addresses to share our stories?
I don't know how to do that without it showing to everyone that logs on...
Moderators can you help with this please?
Many Thanks...
Posted 3/5/2011 7:19 PM (GMT 0)

SW, do not put your e-mail address in a post.  Instead, click on your name to the left, go to Your Profile, Edit, then scroll down to where it says Show Your E-Mail and check Yes.  Then it will be on your profile and only members can access it.  There is no way to make it completely private, but your e-mails to each other will be viewed by only each of you.  You can also set up a Hotmail acct. and use that for forum e-mails, so you will not be disclosing your personal e-mail.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 3/5/2011 7:35 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Connie, I lot the hotmail idea......
Posted 3/5/2011 11:22 PM (GMT 0)
I added my e-mail address on my profile...
Tx.
Posted 3/6/2011 9:35 PM (GMT 0)
 

Hi 'Sadwife'

My email is on my profie too.

Hope to talk to you soon

Val

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