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Posted 3/13/2011 2:41 PM (GMT 0)
Kriland..... I would use some very short four letter words here... but I can't... the heck with the guilt... and what he is guilting you about... You can not take on this much responsibility.... those kids need you... your husband is not in his right mind to make decisions... you need to find a way... there has to be a way... heck... I'd take the kids and go to McDs and let him wait for me...take one hour... back this thing off... you have to find breathing room for you end up in the hospital yourself... and as far as the guilt... I still feel it even though I know I did everything possible... but I've come to realize and remember that that we caretakers often are enablers... to begin with... I had gone to Alanon for years.... and I use their principles to help me everyday... but while Mike was dying... I had to revisit Alanon for help in taking care of myself...it's ok to separate yourself... to care for yourself and your children...it is not not not not reasonable to put this on you... it just isnt... and to be honest.... Mike put me in quite a position with the funeral arrangements... he did not make his wishes made know to anyone but me... I had the power of attorney and medical directive and ours gave me the legal right to make the arrangements... but his family who were expecting that they would fly him back to Utah were angry and hurt... and of course it was I who ended up with all that anger hurled at me... I followed Mike's instructions... but I have to tell you ... even when Mike and I spoke about those things....in the back of my mind I was just like... this won't happen... and it was very surreal... you have to make preparations.. and thank God for this site... because I knew many things that I wouldnt have.. anyways back to you...step back... take a breath and decide how far you are willing to go... and seek out help whereever you can... church... social workers... legal system... you can not can not.... can not.. do this alone... it will break you... well... quit with the guilt trip... lady you are not a saint.. probably pretty wonderful... but quit shooting for sainthood and care for yourself and your children...you can still love your husband and do this... Im not saying to abandon him.. but I knew one thing... if Mike were in the condition your husband is I would have put him in a nursing home... with lots of tears etc... but get real girl...you can only do so much so much... step back take care of yourself and your kids...
Posted 3/13/2011 6:38 PM (GMT 0)

It's called disconnecting with love.  You most definitely need help of some kind, Kriland.  Consider your options...write them down.  And do NOT feel guilty for any thoughts you have or steps you take.  It is he who should feel guilty for putting you in this situation.  But he is not of sound mind right now...and you won't be unless you get some help.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 3/14/2011 3:33 AM (GMT 0)
Wow Connie put it all sweet and to the point... guess Im a little tired working too many hours... but point is take care of yourself and your kids... and don't be guilted about it...
Posted 3/14/2011 3:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Kriland,


I'm sorry this is happening. It might help you to read some of my posts over the last few weeks.


K x
Posted 3/14/2011 7:09 AM (GMT 0)
Thankyou everyone and I did take your advice. I took the kids out for an hour this morning which gave me time to also speak to our oldest son about what was happening and I think this done us both a world of good and discussed the best way to handle things. It was great. I then had Mum mind the kids this afternoon while I had one on one with Ben and we worked alot out regarding what funeral arrangements he wanted etc. We both cried ALOT and I told him that I know he doesn't want to go anywhere and wants to die at home and I respect that but will need to get help in so at least maybe twice a week I can be his wife and not his nurse. He agreed to that and apologised heaps for everything which made me cry more (which I must admit I haven't done alot of recently) and it was good. Well small steps anyway! Thankyou all so much, Krista
Posted 3/14/2011 1:45 PM (GMT 0)
Good for you, and I'm sure this gave him some peace of mind as well....Not to mention that your 14 year old probably felt better too after talking with you!

Take care of yourself and take it one day at a time, and we are still here when you need to vent or cry! :)

Posted 3/14/2011 2:54 PM (GMT 0)
Krista-good that you had all these talks. take care of yourself and stay strong. prayers to you.

emma
Posted 3/14/2011 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
Krista, you did good.  Now remember to follow up on getting help.  Our thoughts are with you.

Hugs,

Connie

Posted 3/15/2011 3:10 AM (GMT 0)
Great going Kriland...what a positive way to do that... Mike and I were able to have those moments... because I listened to the people here on the forum...and we determined to live in each moment and reaffim each other...we talked about the tough stuff then just put it aside.. you did good... very very good... pace yourself... love yourself... your kids... your husband... there is only one you to go around.... thinking and praying for you and yours Sandi
Posted 3/16/2011 9:01 AM (GMT 0)
Kriland it's Karen from Australia ,you popped on Michael's thread and said hello one day .You're always welcome to leave a question on our sight or e mail us if you wish to talk . I'm glad you took the advise of some of the members they've really helped us. It's so hard to talk about death and make arrangements as we all tend to be in denial ,.Mick and I have talked about it and I always end up in tears.My heart is with you I just wish your hubby would stop ,look around at what he has and take the meds .....things can improve for him if he's strong and fights .I'm so glad Michael did and believe me there were times he wished death rather than the pain as Rick could tell you, he fought and he's a winner and always will be to me .
Alcohol makes people very selfish ,I know because we are both recovering alcoholics ,Has hubby read any of these threads or is he too ill,or just doesn't want to .I really hope he stops and smells the roses before it's too late .Take good care of yourself and the kids. Be strong...
Karen
Posted 3/18/2011 9:56 AM (GMT 0)
Kriland if your out there is everything alright? Are you and the kids alright?
Karen
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