alcoholic dad

Hi, I'm not even sure what it is I want to ask people, I guess I just want to speak to people who understand what my family and I are going through. When I was younger my dad only went to the pub on a sun, then it became a sat and sun, then it was a Fri, sat and sun and so on until it became an everyday occurrence and has been for about 5 years now. Only in the past year or so have we noticed it affecting his health. Last year blood tests revealed he had high jaundice levels and his GP wanted him admitted to hospital for a liver scan, after weeks of persuasion he went in for a few days then got discharged. Dad said the doctor said his liver was a little enlarged and just to stop or cut down drinking, we don't even know if this is true, this is what dad has told us. That was over a year ago and since then dad has retired and now lays in bed drinking all day and night and had resorted to stealing from us to feed his habit. His health is definitely deteriorating. He has lost lots of weight, his urine is really dark brown, his skin is Orange and his stomach swollen. He has aged years and is always groaning in pain. We are at a loss ad to what's going to hsppen next, is he just going to collapse one day. If anyone thinks this sounds like liver disease I'd be glad to hear from you. Should also mention he has said on many occassions that he has no intentions of stopping. Apologies for massive paragraph, I'm using my mobile and can't take a new line. Thanks

I think deep down he knows he is going to die thing is that this is what he wants, has said so on many occassions.

I have heard that it is an awful death and we are worried what we might find one day..........

We do not keep cash in the house anymore so hopefully nothing else goes missing.

My mum told him he needs to go to a doctor but he said if he goes they will keep him in and he is due to get cataracts op next Sunday so doesnt want to go before then so his eyes get sorted as cant really see at the moment.

I also find that he cannot really hear anymore, not sure if this is anything to do with the alcohol abuse.

Thanks for the reply Connie

Hey, its been a while since my last post. No more money gone missing that we are aware of..........my dad now has this red sort of rash all up his legs, does anyone know what this could be? He will not go to a doctor and its very frustrating. He now sleeps most of the day and has a few falls, when he falls he cannot get up on his own. Thanks

Hello Dee and welcome back.  Sorry that your father isn't doing so good. 

The red rash on your father's legs.......are they in large patches and hot to the touch?  If so it could be cellulitis. If in fact it's cellulitis he needs to be seen by a MD.   It's nothing to play around with. 

Take care......... 

Has your family got his personal business in order ? Will or living Will , Nursing home cost , Burial arrangements . You may need to focus your energy on these types of things . All to often people tend to ignore the possibility of a early death or the ability of a disease to incapacitate them long before they die and the result only adds to the physical loss of a loved one . Now would be the time to iron out his final wishes to avoid disputes among siblings .

I don't believe your father wishes he would die in the manner that he most likely will . In my opinion people romanticize death and particularly when they are alcoholics , The ultimate pity party . The reality is that this disease doesn't make for anything close to that , To my observance it tends to drain the life caretakers and devastate finances . These two things alone makes for bad characters in the ultimate pity party play .

Furthermore My guess would be your dad knows he will have to confront his love for alcohol if he is to live . No true drunk will lose the love of his life ( Actually death ) without a fight , It's been his crutch through thick and thin for years . This is the obstacle you all face now , The best fathers , mothers and brothers have been turned into unrecognizable people due to alcohol and subsequently liver disease . Often it's too late when those loved ones realize whats at loss and the pain the diseases bring to try and recover . Best thing to do is to control what you know you can and hope for the best .


A. Ziffle

If his urine is dark, it could be his kidneys are failing,

Thanks for all ur replies, its good to talk to people who understand. I spoke to him tonight and he said he will not go to the doctor as he hates hospitals so he obviously knows he is bad and that will be the likely outcome. Only thing we can do said above is prepare for the inevitable. Just a waiting game now.......

So Sorry Dee that your family is going through... this... please take care of yourself and your family... as was asked.. are his affairs in order... is there unfinished business.. would be a good time to get it done.. it's surreal... as you plan those things... but preparation will help.. I know did in our situation... thanks to this forum I was ready when Mike passed away... and with this forum's help I was able to walk with him on that final journey... in a respectful way... not everyone is given that opportunity.. this forum has done that for us and so many more.. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.. Sandia

Dee, Medicaid would pay for a NH. If he doesn't have it, it might be worthwhile to apply for him...although he may be gone before it's ever approved.

Hugs,
Connie

Yes Dee you do wonder what you will find when you home... I went through that for a long long time.. and then one morning thinking we were going in for a procedure to remove fluid.. Mike couldn't get out of bed.. went to the ER via ambulance.. and Mike never came home... and that is what happened when I came home from work... it's different for everyone... Sandia

Dee, we forget that there are members here from other countries. So the health care is free, but they don't pay for nursing homes?

Hugs,
Connie

We have a clause in the disposition that says it will. Yeah free healthcare but they don't pay for nursing home as he owns a property