TT,
I think reading back a month of posts will be a good exercise for you...to see the good, bad and ugly of this.
Look especilly at A.Ziffle's posts.
He stopped the beast in its tracks and has been doing really well, for a guy who was once really really sick.
It should be motivation to you to take days one at a time and to stay well...eat right, take your meds, stay sober, and get some exercise.
You likely have years on your side.
Best
Carol