Angie,my last husband didn't pass away from liver disease,but he died from heart failure,Death is death no matter what it is from,so here is my thoughts if you don't mind ! Frank,had
open heart surgery,12 long hours of surgery,no one thought he would pull through but he did ! The next day he suffered from several strokes,right lobe,left lobe,brain stem and frontal lobe,no one said he would come out of this yet he did once again.
Because we never saw this coming we had no will,,,nothing ! He spent 3 months in ICU,I was taking care of my 4 daughters who were still at home,the youngest at the time 1 1/2 yrs old ! I was working also at the same time.Had I known now what the end result would be like,I would have let him go like the Drs wanted me to ! But I fought for him,I could not let go.But I went through 3 yrs of a person who went in to the hospital as a "normal" person,and brought home a child !
He had short term memory loss {makes Mark seem normal), his reasoning skills were gone, so it was like dealing with a child all the time. He fought with the girls, just as if he was a child! At the end when Hospice came in and I finally knew the true reality of it all, it was hard. I knew he would die, but my children were in denial. I was with him like you for his last breath. I just kept saying it was ok, we would be ok! And that I loved him!
After he passed away, I was in my own little world, and part of that world was a relief in me. I was so tired, I had only slept for an hour or 2 at a time the whole time he was sick because he was up all night and would turn on the stove and walk away. More then once our smoke alarm went off because of that. T alk about
being scared! The day he died, all of my family came in from out of town. When I went to bed that night, i slept for a full 12 hours.
I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Dr put me on meds. I was feeling guilty for how I felt! The 1st holidays are the hardest: Christmas, Birthdays, anniversary, you never ever forget. The pain does lessen, but still 8 yrs later some days I miss him so much it hurts. I hate that he is missing out on his daughter growing up. But then I think of funny silly things that we/he did and I laugh! So my point is to all of this is,,it does hurt like hell, but it does get better over time. Cry if you need to, laugh if you want to! His memory will never leave you. Today you may think life wont go on, yet it does. And its ok to be mad,,at him,you, life, all of it,,that is a part of grieving ! I hope this helps somewhat. And remember,you may think you are all alone, but you aren't! And one last thing: I had my husband cremated. I put his ashes in my flower beds that he loved so much. I threw some in the river that was so much of his life, and gave some to my family to do as they wished, he got to be everywhere!
Post Edited By Moderator (hep93) : 2/18/2013 4:09:26 PM (GMT-7)