PLEASE pray.....

...or send LOTS of positive energy - whatever you are comfortable with. Robert is in a coma - renal and hepatic failure, after experiencing metabolic acidosis. I can't write much at the moment - I'm just too much of a mess right now. There is still hope - I know he's still in there, fighting to come back. Neurologist says any deeper of a coma and he'd flat-line, yet at times he will open his eyes to his name, he 'gets mad' when they clean his mouth or put the stuff in his eyes, his respiration and heart rate increase when he hears mine and our boys' voices, etc. His liver numbers are bad, but greatly improved since 4 days ago. Please pray for him. Thank you.

Splashdancer, praying for you both.
music

Many prayers for Robert Spalsh.

Hugs,
Emma

Splashdancer. praying for you all!

Lena

In my thoughts.

Sending tons of prayers for Robert, you and your family.
(((Hugs)))

Sorry to hear of the situation with Robert and hope everything gets better Splashdancer. Keep visiting and keep talking to him, if it raises his heart rate he knows your there.

My brother was once in ICU years ago after a blood clot on his brain and the same thing when I visited and talked to him his brain activity would spike even though he was in a coma and then we would notice his breathing always seemed to change when we visited and then one day I walked in and his eyes were open.

Later he told me he could hear every single word we spoke and though he wanted to speak no matter how hard he tried he couldn't but he told me it sure made him feel better knowing we were right there....though he admits he had no idea what was going on and later when he did awaken he was blind. Just before he woke up I also had him communicating by making a line Vertical for YES or a line Horizontal for NO using one of those small pad that kids scribble on that are grey and they make a picture and then lift it and it disappears and they can do it again.

Its not always easy to write yes or no sometimes so even using hand squeezing and you say one squeeze means yes and two squeeze means no can allow an amazing amount of communication at times as odd as it sounds.

Keep the faith Splashdancer and best wishes to Robert, keep talking...he CAN hear you! I know its hard Splashdancer but stay strong as Robert needs you now.

Post Edited (AllenM) : 2/8/2014 5:36:15 AM (GMT-7)

Hi everyone...sorry for not updating....my entire world is just upside down and I don't know what the heck I'm doing - I had to think about HOW to open the door to get out of my car last night (or was it the night before, who knows). First, although I'm just not up to responding to each post - thank you from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts, prayers, positive thoughts, and kind words. Between going back and forth from home to the hospital daily, updating various friends/relatives regularly (repeating the same things over and over and my heart literally hurting each time I have to do it), comforting my 15 year old (who bottles up ALL emotions, except anger), and various other 'stuff', I am physically and emotionally wrecked. I'm home for a little while, after about 30 hours straight at the hospital. I just need some time to breathe, while pleading with my phone NOT to ring.

Short of a miracle, Robert is going to die. It could be at anytime. For the past 4 mornings, each nurse has said she didn't think he'd even make it through the night - but he has. Robert has an incredible will to live and for some reason he's just not ready to go yet. I finally decided to authorize his DNR yesterday. It was explained to me that if his heart were to stop and they did CPR, bones would most likely break and due to his extremely low platelets (10,000), he would begin hemorrhaging - I couldn't let him go through that. I'm sorry, I just can't explain anymore right now about what he's going through....it's just too much for me to think about at the moment.

How do you say goodbye to your greatest love/best friend, after 15 years? How do I find the strength to allow them to remove the respirator and stop all medications - and let them administer ativan and morphine, until he stops breathing? How do I know when 'it's time'? I desperately need this to JUST STOP!! I need to turn back the clock - and I can't. My heart is shattering.

I'll stop now. There are too many of you who are awaiting transplant, or are doing well post-transplant - I don't want what is happening to Robert to bring you down or frighten you. The vast majority of you will be ok - it just wasn't meant to be for us, that's all.

Post Edited (Splashdancer) : 2/9/2014 3:15:42 PM (GMT-7)

Dearest Splashdancer.
There are no words to express how sorry I am that Robert and you are going through this. You don't have to ever say good bye to Robert because no matter what ever happens, he will ALWAYS be with you...he will forever be in your heart and in your memories.
I hope and prayer that everything will turn around and Robert will be better. He sounds like a strong man and you are a very strong, loving, caring and devoted wife. Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.
(((Hugs)))
WD

Splashdancer.

Now that you have understand Robert may pass you are using every bit of your time left to be supportive of his transition. I pray that his passage is without pain and suffering and that you have banked thousands of good memories to carry with you forever. Many hugs and prayers to you and your family,

Carol

I am so sorry Splashdancer. Prayers for Robert. Prayers for you and your family.

Big hugs,
Emma

I so want to respond individually, because each one of you have said something that was appreciated, touched my heart, eased my mind a bit, and/or gave me a measure of peace - I just can't right now. But please know that I greatly appreciate your caring and kindness.

Although I spend 80% of my time at the hospital, I come home from time to time for the reasons I mentioned in a previous post. Last night was the third night in a row that I have been called back to the hospital, being told each time that this was 'probably it', he would be dying very soon - and today was the third day in a row that I came back home for a break, and he's still here with us. He is experiencing 'lethal rhythms'. This is where his heart rate becomes very erratic (going from his 'normal' 112-117 beats up to highs of 254-285 very rapidly). At the same time, his BP plummets (once, I saw it go down to 40/20) and his oxygen level falls, sometimes to 80%. It all happens VERY quickly. It is a horrible thing to witness. As soon as it begins, Robert will grimace, arch his neck, and shake his head back and forth. These rhythms are such a critical occurrence, that if I hadn't authorized his DNR they would be 'shocking' him every time it happens - and over the past 3 days, it's happened about 6-7 times. The nurses are continually amazed at how his heart regains a normal sinus rhythm, BP, and oxygen level almost immediately after these episodes. And now today he's only had 2 very minor episodes - and none since about 11am.

Since yesterday, Robert has responded to me kissing him on his lips, by kissing me back - its an incredibly amazing feeling - almost like our first kiss each time (ok, a little 'tamer' than our first kiss, but the emotional feeling is the same!). Also, he will open his eyes a bit and look at you when you loudly call his name - not every time, but most. He reacts when someone calls on the phone and I put it to his ear (as well as responding to me when I talk to him). The Neurologist (don't like him...jerk...zero bedside manner and personality) wrote in his report on the results of Robert's EEG, that he was one 'jiggly' line away from total brain death. His nurses (most with 20+ years of experience) are baffled (their word) at what they are seeing. Now don't get me wrong, I am not naive or wearing rose-colored glasses here - I am very aware that Robert will probably be gone soon. But I also know that right now he is very much 'here'. From the beginning I told them all that Robert has an incredible will to live.

I (and many others) have been praying for a miraculous healing to take place - I totally believe in miracles. Today a close friend suggested to me that maybe all of these unexplainable things that have been taking place are 'mini-miracles' that are happening to help ease my grief and shattering heart. In some ways I am very lucky - while in a coma, the love of my life is giving me kisses, looking into my eyes, and listening to my words - what a gift!

I'm really sorry for this ridiculously long post - guess I'm just over-tired and babbling. If you made it this far, thanks for 'listening'.

Splash,

sending you and hubby all the paiyive energy I can...

Susie