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Posted 3/6/2007 3:10 AM (GMT 0)

My Dear Friends,

I'm numb and in disbelief today. Gene's hospice nurse informed me this morning that Gene's liver has finally given out. It may be that the EC finally spread to his liver or his liver is just unable to keep him alive any longer. If she is correct, my beloved will not be here much longer. But stubborn as he is, he says he has waited all winter for Spring to arrive and is not leaving now. He wants to wait until he turns 75 on December 24. I hope and pray he has many more months. We have been discussing his memorial service in the past few weeks. We're not ready; I'm not ready. It all feels so unreal.

This has been such a long and weary battle for Gene.  But he is not ready to give up. And I am not willing to give up fighting for him either.

Thank you for caring,

Barb

Posted 3/6/2007 3:35 AM (GMT 0)
Barbara,
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. sad Pink Grandma
Posted 3/6/2007 11:38 AM (GMT 0)
barbara, i know how you feel, it does seem unreal like its not going to happen, its got to be hard to let go when its the love of your life. but dont count him out yet wait untill the drs tell you something. my thoughts and prayers are with you and gene.
its been two and ahalf months since my father, i still have a hard time day to day, i think the hardest part for me was the nature of the illness, its such a horrible disease!!!!

love hope and prayer
annette
Posted 3/6/2007 11:42 AM (GMT 0)
Barbara

My thoughts and prayers and with you and your husband. My you both have many more months to look forward too and may spring bring joy to your lives.

Lucy
Posted 3/6/2007 7:07 PM (GMT 0)
Barbara,
My prayers will be with you and Gene, I can feel the pain through your post, but also your strength. You have been very blessed with a wonderful husband and so much extra time that the drs didnt count on,hold on to each moment Barb,my thoughts are with you ang Gene.
Posted 3/7/2007 5:03 AM (GMT 0)
Barbara, I think only God decides when our time on earth is done. I know that Gene has been struggling for a long time, and is not ready to give up. The azaleas are in bloom here, although we have had temps in the low 30s recently. This is their usual time to bloom, and they are determined to do so. So I hope that Gene will hang in to enjoy spring.

My prayers are with you both.

Connie
Posted 3/7/2007 10:34 AM (GMT 0)
Barbara,
My prayers are with you and Gene. This is such a hard time for you both but I know you have dealt with so many hard times before and you will have the strength to deal with whatever is sent your way. Gene has surprised everyone with his strength to stay with you and no doubt, if he has any say in the matter, he will fight hard again.

Take care and remember we are all there for you.
Marg
Posted 3/8/2007 1:35 PM (GMT 0)

We feel your spirit lifting us up. Thank you all for your kind words and prayers which mean the world to me.

Vicki, Gene's nurse told me today that she didn't expect Gene to survive another day when she saw him on Monday. But today he was laughing and cracking corny jokes. Unfortunately, hospice still thinks he can go at anytime but said it's possible Gene will get to see the arrival of spring a mere two weeks away. He isn't called Miracle Boy for nothing.

I remain in shock and find it difficult to believe that moment I've dreaded for over three years has finally arrived. So far it's proceeding softly as my beloved wants it to be. He's breathing better with full time oxygen and so far has not needed morphine. Gene has been busy as a bee tonight doing silly things around the house trying in his sweet way to show me and the world he is still here and a vital part of my life.

My wonderful church community and friends have been rallying around me. They are bringing over meals and organizing a round Robin so Gene will not have to be alone and I can get out for short periods of time. When Gene first became ill four years ago I feared being alone and abandoned. I'm amaze at all the wonderful people who have become part of my life. That's his gift to me; I am not alone.

I pray I will not crumble under the strain and do not miss that sudden drop in blood pressure that will signal the end. So far it's been a gentle drop.

I'm grateful my beloved is not suffering,
Barb

Posted 3/9/2007 8:30 AM (GMT 0)
How strong you are. Looking at the positives at this time. You will not crumble. God will give you the strength when the time comes. But as you say, Miracle Boy has survived more than one crisis.

The fact he is not suffering must be a great to comfort to you.

You and Gene remain in my prayers.

Marg.
Posted 3/9/2007 11:22 AM (GMT 0)
barbara, as I read your post,I just wanted to hug you. I know you can feel us out here reaching out to you. I am glad Gene is not suffering...when he goes it will be with dignity,,,,,,and with a wonderful wife by his side. what more can a man ask for? Lean on those around you,,,it will help you have the strangth to get through this. you are in my thoughts often throughout the day, just as you can feel our spirits, we can feel your pain. Again , many prayers are being said for you both. :hugs:
Posted 3/9/2007 11:31 AM (GMT 0)
Barbara;

How blessed you and Gene both are to be such strong, courageous people. May you both continue to find the strength to get through this next hurdle of life and may miracles continue to bless you both. Will keep both of you in my thoughts.

Lucy
Posted 3/14/2007 11:54 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Friends,

I feel you lifting me up. Gene continues battling to stay around another day, another week, another month. He is defying all odds still being alive. But for those of you who know our journey; that's my Miracle Boy. Hospice cannot explain why he is still alive.

My emotions have been everywhere but in the past few days I reached a new level of love and acceptance and spirituality. My days and nights are filled being in a peaceful and meditative/prayerful state where I do not need food or sleep. It feels like my entire life has been preparing for this chapter. After Gene is gone I will allow myself to grieve, feel the pain and heal. But for now, he needs me and I can best be there for him with strength and healing energies flowing. Writing and posting doesn't seem to happen but I love you and feel your support.

We are well cared for by friends and my church; I no longer feel alone. Gene's memorial service will be crowded with so many people who are wanting to be there for us; people I have not spoken to for months or years and people who have just recently come into our lives.

And for the first time, I am standing up to hospice letting them know what Gene needs, what I need now and after he is gone, and and that we have not forgotten the numerous errors in judgement they displayed this past eleven months. At the same time, we've praised the wonderful Chaplain, Social Worker and LVN who have always been there for us and not given in to pressure.

Blessings,

Barb

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