slowly i sigh and smile at my own decay

i really wonder what to do. i'm 18 years old, just got diagnosed with hep c, trying to kick my heroin habit and i'm an alcoholic mess up.. to top it off, i'm homeless. theres no way to have a steady nutritional diet, i eat out of the trash or whatever people give me. i've been off heroin for aabout a month, and the only thing that gets me through the day is booze, and i KNOW thats gonna kill me.

so, instead of medical solutions that i could ask for and try to do something about this and help myself.. i'm going to simply ask, how much longer do you think i have? i've had hep c for about two months and i can feel it in my body. constantly achy, have to force feed myself, and my right side constantly hurts..

what the hell have i done to myself

sorry for wasting your time

danny

Danny, welcome. Are you using the library computer? I've been where you are. I've never been homeless (though very close a number of times), but had a heroin habit back in the 60s for 18 mos., and went from that to alcohol. I'm sure I contracted hep C when I was using--so I'd had it for decades when I was diagnosed in '93. It normally does not become symptomatic for years. Of course, there wasn't a test for it until '91 or '92. How did you happen to be diagnosed or tested for it? You shouldn't be having liver pain from hep C at this point. It is probably the alcohol affecting your already-damaged liver. I did that, too--went directly from heroin to alcohol. A drug is a drug is a drug. Alcohol just takes longer to mess up your body. Have you had a biopsy? You definitely need to be in a detox center for at least 2 weeks, and then transfer to an inpatient drug treatment program. Find out what is available in your area. Look in the Yellow Pages under Social Services or Drug Rehab. If nothing else, find an AA or NA meeting in your area. They are in most every town, and free. "The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking." I intentionally overdosed on H in Nov. '69. Stayed in the hospital psych ward for nearly 2 mos., and started attending a day treatment program several weeks before I was discharged. I continued to go there for 18 mos. So I have been clean for nearly 38 yrs. I've also been alcohol-free for over 20 years. I gave up cigarettes over 4 years ago, and switched from coffee to green tea over a year ago. My present "addiction" is Edy's Light Ice Cream. I believe there is such a thing as an addictive personality.

I said all this to tell you that you CAN give up your crutches, but you need a program to give you the tools to do so. I will be 64 this month, and have 2 artificial hips...one of which has required 2 revisions. This is from a condition called osteonecrosis, in which the bone dies. One of the causes is excessive alcohol consumption. At the time I was diagnosed with this, I had 6 years alcohol free. I also have liver cancer as a result of the hep C. I didn't receive much treatment for the hepatitis, so the result is cancer. Thank God, I don't have cirrhosis, and I'm awaiting surgery to remove the rt. lobe of my liver, to assure that the cancer doesn't spread.

While you are so young and newly diagnosed, you don't need to endure what I have (and "paybacks are a b****" for sure.) There is help available, and I pray that you will avail yourself of it. Surely there is a Salvation Army shelter or something of the sort near you. Your main priority is to get (and stay) clean and sober, and your living situation, as well as your health, will improve.

I hope you are not just yanking our chain, since I have taken the time to write all this and have been very open with you.

Please come back and let us know what actions you have taken to save your life.

Prayers for you,
Connie

hi colorado, you hit the nail right on the head with this one, i,m not being heartless about it, some time we have to be responsible for what we do, we cant let everybody else to the work for us, well i,ll go out and drink while i have this horrible disease and my wife , mother father or who ever take and worry sick over me. i,m sorry but it really makes me mad when i read that the caregivers are worried sick about thier family members because they are out drinking having a good time while they know they have this horrible disease, and the after math falls on the caregiver, by the time its all over and done with the caregiver isnt worth two cents because they are worn out. i,m sorry but i had to say this i read a lot of posts and i see worried wifes and a few husbands that thier spouses are out still drinking and it just makes me so so mad that somebody would be that rude to another person who is just trying to help. we all need a little help sometime but lets be respectfull to the ones who love us and take care of us. yes we know they do not feel good but they have to try to or there is nothing you can do for them but sit back and watch them kill them selfs, because thats what they are doing by still drinking.
colorado, please keep up the good work by not drinking!!!!!!
i lost my father to this disease back in december, no hep and no drinking we didnt even know he had it untill july of 2006 just a hard worker in a chemical factory for thirty years.
so thats why i think people need to stop and think before they take that next drink they are not just hurting them but the the ones who care about them.

Well said, everyone!! Doug you are so right, the Transplant Center my husband goes to would have dropped him like a hot potatoe also. I personally just don't have time, to be stressed over alcohol or drug abuse, the disease is enough stress, my husband had more than his fair share of extreme encephalopathy episodes. Thank goodness those days are over!!! And hopefully will never return.

Teresa

Danny,

18 years old you are still so young. Anyone that says that they have never made mistakes in thier lives are lying. You are still a baby. No one has the right to judge you in your time of need. Especially when you are reaching out for help.
We ALL have our crosses to bear. Alcoholism, Drug abuse, all are a sickness that can be cured. I have been victim to neither but I reach out a hand and an ear. Something led you down that path.Know that you can change it. With age comes wisdom. I have a son your age. Do you have any family?
You have just begun to live my friend. Some of the most amazing people I have met have walked a similar path to you including a couple of pastors who have changed many many lives. What makes us human is our ability to love and feel compassion. There is too much bitterness in the world today.
There is help out there for you. Caretakers of people who are addicts and alcoholics are some of the strongest people I know. To still be able to love and care for someone who may have spent many years having them caught up in a life of what is sometimes hell and to have enough compassion in thier hearts to carry on without self pity are amazing people in my book.
You need to find the courage to find help, get clean and then use your life to pass on the message.
Many have different circumstances and are caught up in thier own hell. There is anger and resentment that comes hand in hand with the terrible cards that they have been dealt, but the minute that we stop caring and start judging is a sad day.
Have strength, courage and DO NOT give up. Work hard on making the change. Don't stop reaching out. One day soon you will reach out to the hand that will carry you on to another phase of your life and things will change. You just have to want them to. Your life is just begininng, Don't think of it as ending. There are options out there for you when you have the courage to make a change and seek them.
If God takes you to it he will carry you through it.
Hugs,
Your friend,
Carolyn

"Anyone that has never made a mistake has never tried anything new" -Albert Einstein