Male E.S.L.D

That's a wonderful idea, Emma. My BFF has been my friend for 55 years. But I haven't been able to reach her all week due to the storm up there (LI) and their lack of power.

Hugs,
Connie

How do you become one of the tough ones??!! Sometimes it just clicks.Is it that you have an important person in your life??!! What is it that a soul must feel to want that live attitude.What can I do,what is it I must feel to want that get over it,we are all going to die attitude.I so keep looking and thinking there must be something I can say,do,show,or reach that will make a difference

Alisa , You are beating yourself up for nothing . LJ has and does have the option to set things straight . Even if he started trying today to clean up the mess HE MADE it will take years to reclaim any footing on the damage done both mentally and physically . You really need to give yourself a break and seek guidance and counseling from a licensed Therapist , Al-anon or perhaps someone in your religious organization . You have spoken to him on the toll it's taking on everyone including himself , He has spoken to doctors who warned him about this and he's spoken to me but there's only so much anybody can do to help and you've done that .

David and I speak from time to time over the phone , He and I share alot in common in the medical and mental aspects of this disease . He recently posted here on this thread a quote " It's easier to die than it is to live " . That statement is exactly the key to understanding where LJ's mindset is . He is likely overwhelmed and the " Easy " way out is drinking himself to death . I said long ago right here on this forum That " If I could have handled the ability to have killed myself at several moments during the early months of recovery , I would have done just that . That was truly how I felt . I said nothing to my wife about this but made the mistake of mentioning it to my father who immediately drove 6 hours to my home and removed all of my hunting guns while I was at a doctors appointment . Trouble is for you , this option isn't available to you . You cant remove his choice of suicide weapons .

Having him secretly incarcerated may be a option , Surely the crowd he's running with is involved in some form of illegal activity . Hell for that matter if you really wanted to you yourself could bring charges against him for child neglect and endangerment , Having him committed into a institution is another .

What made things less complicated for me was that my ability to swallow another drink without barfing my head off was impossible , As soon as it entered my body it came flying back out . In short the thrill was gone . A interesting note on this follows . My mom through the course of the last several years prior to me falling ill with this disease said " Rick , Son I love you but I pray everyday that one day you will get sick from that horrible liquor " Of course I laughed at the notion of this . Wasn't so danged funny when those words rang in my ears while laying in a ICU ward . Take it as you will but that's just what happened . Careful what you ask for , You just may get it . Ya know I'd like to think it was just a coincidence but I just ain't sure either .

If you need us or me for support we are a click away , Sometimes the only option available for caregiver or patient is to vent or release the bottled up hurt amongst folks who understand . You know I would and will do anything short of coming there to speak to him personally . Just weigh these things I've said out . Quit blaming yourself , Raise your head and be proud of your accomplishments so far with picking up the pieces for LJ's son . Your a adult and can deal with this with the tools available at your disposal , This child has only one source of protection and that my dear is you .


A. Ziffle

"It's what we perceived real or imagined as to why you picked our mangy butts to start with . Face it we don't have that much to offer otherwise"

Wow. Lately I find myself doing things that Craig used to do that drove me crazy. Made no sense to me. But now I get it. I understand a little better how he prioritized his life. And didn't sweat the small stuff, ever.

I didn't realize how powerful that was. And I am a little sad that I didn't understand it better when he was still here.

Thanks, Rick, for your posts and your kind words. It is sort of a relief to hear some of what you are saying. Words that he couldn't articulate. Every day I miss him more, but also am starting to feel some joy in my memories of who he was, and how much of himself he left behind.



It's bittersweet.

Thanks Marie and Jeff .


A. Ziffle