Bored out of my mind

jtaurus said...
Ok dealing with having IBS is bad enough but trying to learn how to live with it is hard I've been bored out of my mind cause I mostly have to keep to myself cause of my symptoms.After eating I'm indoors just in case I need to use the bathroom.My life is so boring I'm lonely I do not want it to be like this for the rest of my life feeling lonely and bored.Things need to change or get better for me GOD can not continue to let me life like this the things I used to take for granted are a hard task for me to get done.Going out when I want to with no problems is a problem now cause I will not go out after a big meal without having and urgency to use the bathroom.I'm ****ing fed up I really need to meet others like me so that I can relate and not feel so alone.How much praying can I do this is the hardest thing that I've ever had to deal with in my life never expected that IBS would happen to me I need to start thinking so negatively but it's so easy to fall back into woah is me all the time and why me? I'm at my wits end with this but the tears do not flow cause crying wont help at all.I need words of encouragement and support IBS has taken away a part of me that I used to be I was a huge eater loved food but now I'm limited to what I can eat I miss chocolate cake pizza taccos french fries.AAAAAAAH!!!!! that is how I feel sometimes sometimes I feel why is my life worth living if I can not enjoy it or be happy I have not felt happy in years.I hope that I will really get back to being able to work at least it will give me something to do with myself to keep from feeling so bored.

Your post really broke my heart AND touched me.  I've been going through a similar "spiritual crisis" myself the last month.  Yesterday, I was so distraught I was nearly shaking my fist at the heavens.  Typically, I can manage my emotions and my relationships with people and with God but sometimes, especially after weeks on end of nothing but pain and suffering, it becomes almost intolerable and desperation, anger, and resentment all settle in for a nice long stay.

I was invited to dinner at my son and daugter-in-law's house last night.  Usually, they come to my place once a week but last night, HE wanted to cook dinner for me FOR THE FIRST TIME.  It's a pretty big deal because both his dad and I are professional chefs and I knew he wanted to "show me his stuff".  So I agreed to go even though it meant a 45 minute drive, a meal away from home, some time devoted to socializing and then the long, terrifying drive home - in pain, or worse.  I cried the whole way there because I was so angry - first at them for expecting me to go out of my comfort zone (this is what IBS does to you if you let it- turns you against your loved ones) THEN I realized how absurd that was and turned my anger against the Big Guy upstairs.  Of course, I know how absurd and fruitless that is as well.

I straightened up, of course, and enjoyed myself as much as I could considering the amount of pain and discomfort I was in.  Right before I left, I used to loo and discovered I had gotten my period.  Well, that explained at least part of my emotional upset.  The kids had no idea how traumatic the whole evening was for me.

So here are some ideas I have for you, dear friend.

I can't say I am terribly lonely (but sometimes for sure) because I have my kids come once a week and I invite friends to my home regularly.  Everyone knows about my condition so they understand that if they want to spend time with me, it will have to be on my terms.  No one has complained yet because I always cook a beautiful meal for them when they visit and they understand that I might be spending at least some of the evening in the bathroom. 

I do live close to a few good friends - really close.  On the days when I feel even a 30 minute reprieve from the pain, I jump in my car and ride over to visit.  I usually say immediately that I can't stay long, just to relieve the anxiety for myself and everyone understands that I might jump up, mid-conversation, and have to scram. 

I don't know if you cook, but you may want to try using some of your time to learn or experiment.  Yes, it's a drag that pizza, french fries, tacos, and a whole list of other foods are not on your daily menu anymore, but you can use this as inspiration to learn to cook other types of foods that will help your body function a little bit better.  Heck, just watching the dopey FoodNetword for one week would give you the basics necessary to start preparing healthy meals.  AND, cooking is time and energy consuming.  You CAN'T be bored when you're cooking. 

Finally, I think we tend to isolate ourselves from our friends and family when we feel physically terrible.  We don't want them to see us having an attack because it's embarrassing.  At the same time, we complain that people don't understand how intense the suffering is.  I've come to realize that the best way to help people understand is to let them in just a bit.  If you go out with friends, or you go to someone's house and they actually SEE you running to the loo, or see your face twisted in pain, I think you will be surprised at the amount of compassion and understanding they will show.  It's important to give people a chance.

I hope this helps and I'll pray for you if you pray for me!

Thank you guys for your replies and caring words of concern they mean a lot well I have 2 close friends that I keep at a distance from me cause I fear if I invite them over I might have to use the bathroom when they are there but it's my apartment if I have to I can cause it's my place,lol what am I worrying about.I actually have one friend who had a job interview interviewing at a GI center to maybe help with research that they are doing I really hope that she gets that job cause she will understand a little more what I go through she knows a little about what I go through but does not know the extent of what I go through.Today I had a bad day I ran out of breakfast food this morning wont get paid till next month that is when my social security check comes.I was woke up at 6am dieing of hunger and the only thing I had to eat was cereal Raisin Bran Crunch had two bowls of that with Rice milk a couple of hours later when I woke up I had real bad gas and was having to move my bowels for small shaped poops I hate when that happens.I thought I was ok and done with using the bathroom on my way over to my mother's which is a 30 minute walk my stomach was rumbling all I was saying was please Lord wait till I get to my mother's,lol after power walking the rest of the way to my mom's I rushed in the door and headed straight to the bathroom where I had the D.I was glad I made it had two trips back to the bathroom but I felt better afterwards. It made me really mad when I have an episode like that I was really angry and enraged at God and asking him why.After getting my supper from my mom that she cooked I made my way back to my apartment still angry just thinking to myself this is so unfair what kind of life is this that I'm always using the bathroom everyday feeling isolated and alone my rage boiled up and I looked up to the sky and yelled out why do you continue to let this happen!!!!!!! Then I just walked the rest of the way home quite with my thoughts I needed that relief to let out I felt a little better.I got home and just settled in and watched a movie and ate my supper later on in the night and things were at peace.I hope to be somewhat alright with IBS but right now I'm not.Thank you for your prayers and I will do the same keep you in mine.

Post Edited (jtaurus) : 5/24/2008 8:10:00 PM (GMT-6)