Hey everyone just wanted to come through and share a little with you all how I've been doing.I guess alright but lately I've been feeling just bored with myself I live alone and mostly keep to myself all day.I do not work so there is not much that I can do to occupy my time besides having to go to my doctor's and therapist appointments and going to my mom's to go get my dinner.I sit at home day dreaming of what my life should have turned out like cause I feel IBS has really taken a big part of my life away.Lately I just been feeling a little down and lonely wishing that IBS never happened to me I feel I'm missing out on so much that could be possible in my life.My past is a very sorted past you can say I've had some life changing things happen to me.Dealing with a chronic illness is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with besides the passing of my best friend in the whole world.I used to be so out going a smile on my face all the time full of life.I used like to go out to the clubs and just dance my ass off you could always catch me at a party.Lol now I'm more of a home body staying in watching tv to pass the time I do not see where my life was going somewhat great to just miserable and lonely.I did not have much of a great self esteem but IBS quickly took away what I had left.I hate feeling how I've been feeling depressed on all kinds of medications coping day in day out my faith is all I have.It's what is keeping me from doing something drastic like taking my life but that would be really stupid I still have so much to live for.
The Lord I know is who is holding on to me, when God will I see the sun and the rainbow at the end of this long storm?I ask him why? why do you allow sickness to happen? why did it have to happen to me? what is it supposed to do for me? I think to myself I just have to come out of this a stronger person but when will that day come? I am strong I have strenght I did not know I had I'm tired just ****ing tired of not feeling normal and happy.I do need to be thankful for the little things like the Lord waking me up every morning,still being able to eat food not having a caffator attached to me.It was worse in the past but it's gotten a little better I should be thankful to him for that at least.I'm tired of feeling unhappy and feeling less than I need a miracle I know I've probably complained like this alread it's pathetic at times to complain repeatadly about the same thing everyday to me at least.I really need a miracle a word from God himself loudly things are going to be ok really they are!!!!!! Guys I really wish I was able to meet each one of you in person and just give you all a big hug cause that is what I feel I need sometimes.A big old hug and an encouraging word it's going to be ok,I need God to fix me I get scared about my future cause I do not want to live in the moment at times cause I hate what now has to offer me.I do at short periods of times where I do feel happy being able to get out when I can to enjoy a nice day,riding my bike,listeing to music which is my saving grace being able to forget about my worries getting lost in a beautiful melody and voice of a singer who I love.
I feel I have so much to offer to this world why cant I just say **** IBS it will not take my life it cant!!!!!!! I have so much fear of getting rejected by people who may know that I suffer from this for some strange reason.I should not feel this way I have so much fear it's so strong it's holding me down I sometime feel there is some sort of evil force around my aura like I need to be cleansed and free from it.I'm holding on tight that is all I can do I deserve true real long lasting happiness God needs to see that you need to see that Lord!!!!!! I deserve to be happy I derserve to have the love of someone special not questioning my self worth.I need someone who can truly understand and be there for me never leaving my side Lord please answer my prayers I need you at all times you are my saving grace I thank you for loving me.I'm trying to hold the tears back I feel my life is passing me by how do I not let IBS control my life I feel like I have nothing to live for at times and I should'nt.
One thing I am truly thankful for this site it is my place of calm peace and serenity a place where I can come and let my feelings flow onto the screen.I am thankful for each and everyone of you cause I'm really not alone when I feel alone.I thank you all you are a blessing to me each and everyone of you I do feel the love and encouraging concerning words when you reply back.I know you can relate you guys give me strenght to push on and fight with the help of the Lord I truly love you all wishing you as always good stomach and digestive health. xoxoxoxo 