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anxiety, IBS and a husband who does not understand!

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Irritable Bowel Syndrome
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Posted 4/16/2012 8:28 PM (GMT 0)
I have anxiety and during attacks become so overwhelmed with a sense of fear that I will also have IBS and run immediately to the toilet. Years ago I went to the dr and had tests. Found nothing and told me it was IBS due to anxiety and stress. I could not afford to purchase the meds prescribed due to financial reasons. I was a widow raising two sons.   I tried to self-help through stress releasing exercises, Tums and Imodium. This helped for a few years to get through responsibilities in life and jobs. I eventually married.   Now years later I found it is worse. Mornings consist of running multiple times to the toilet. There have been times when sent home from jobs and I made up excuses of the flu. Now my husband has never believed that I have a problem and he says it is all in my head. I try to explain to him what happens inside my body and mind but he yells and says he doesn't want to hear about it.   I have asked him if I can go back to the dr again and he is now very angry and says no. I need to apply for a new job as recently I have been laid off. I find I can barely get through the interview process due to a nervousness and fear that overtakes me. I become shaky, sweaty, and will "freeze" I feel as if my mind cannot process the words and questions they ask of me. My heart will race and I cannot catch my breath. And of worst of all I run to the toilet. It is most embarrassing and is ruining my life. I feel like a freak and no one to turn to. I do not know what to do. Husband is so unsupportive.     In reading the topics and posts I have decided I will try Activia and Calcium carbonate. I see a lot recommending it. Please if anyone has any other suggestions so I can get through this it would be much appreciated.  
Posted 4/16/2012 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
first of all,gentle hugs to you.you sound like you have been through a very difficult time and i can understand that you feel it is overtaking your life.i am not sure which country you live in but do you have a free hospital system?i live in australia and we can put our names on long waiting lists to see a specialist for our problems and not have to pay.the waits can be around 4 years.

you need to sit down and have a long talk to your hubby.his attitude sux.i am going through the same with my hubby but sometimes you just have to put your foot down and lay it all out on the table so to speak.you need medical help for your problems.is it worth talking to a couciler?do you have a free service where you live where you can see a couciler and not pay.we do here in australia.

i am here to support you and be a friend for you.you sound like you need that.do you have any family who can help you?someone,sibling or friend you can talk to and get support?i know you can't see it but you will get through all of this and in time things will improve for you.chat to me anytime here on this forum.take care and good luck.look after yourself. tongue
Posted 4/17/2012 12:52 AM (GMT 0)
I have IB for 20 years. In addition to controlling stress, diet is a major part of it.  You need to go on a high fiber diet. I also found out I was lactose intollerant about the same time also. Try cutting out daily for 2 weeks and see if that helps. Exercise will help you relax.  Takes walks to relax or get on a regular exercise program.
Posted 4/19/2012 6:11 AM (GMT 0)
Though I understand your husbands inability to understand what you're going through, honestly , it really angers me. They don't just need support groups for the IBS sufferer, they need support groups for family members that don't have a CLUE what we deal with, even though they might live with us. NO ONE can understand unless they've walked in our shoes, and dealt with our bodies betraying us when all we'd like to do is live normally again. Many years ago, when I first began searching on the internet about my symptoms, I found this website, and it was a Godsend. I finally realized that there were so many more besides me that were feeling the same fear, anxiety, shame and guilt that I felt. My IBS started after the birth of my second child. I was only 27. I'm now almost 56. One thing that finally, after years, got my mother to understand what I was dealing with was finding and printing out a brochure written by an IBS sufferer named Molly. I cant seem to find it on this website, but if you do a google search you should be able to find it with a little work. Or maybe someone here can place the link for you...or show you where it might be on this site. Print it out...give it to your husband. Give it to your extended family and friends....anyone that you feel doesn't understand what you're dealing with and how it has affected you not just physically but emotionally and mentally. It can and will become a viscious cycle if you allow it to, so you'll have to be very proactive in how you approach it.

I don't really care if your husband says you can't go back to the doctor. It is your life, and if he'd like to see it improve, for both you AND him, he should be beating down the path for you to make those appointments!! I thought my husband understood, but deep down he never really did...but in hindsight, I was not as proactive about it as I should have been. Out of fear. And I let that fear dictate my life for way too long. You know as well as I do that fear feeds anxiety...and anxiety feeds the IBS symptoms.

You do certainly need a gentle hug, and all the positive confidence building that we can give you. Just remember that you're not alone, that we DO understand what you go through, and we know how it affects not just your life, but those around you.

What kinds of tests did you have done in the past? If you have a doctor that says it's just stress and anxiety and get over it, it's time you get a second opinion/different doctor. That doctor put you in the 'IBS basket' because he couldn't/wouldn't follow through on helping to eliminate all possible reasons for your symptoms. And even at that, he should have suggested follow up appts after trying different diets/medications, whatever.

Please be proactive with your health....for yourself first and foremost.
Posted 4/19/2012 1:02 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry to read this topic. I feel blessed to have a supportive husband. To an extent. A few years ago he asked me to give him explicit but simple details why I spend so much time in the bathroom. He said - talk me thru it, tell me why your health is this way (due to a good chunk of my lower colon/sigmoid being removed because I had rectal cancer). I am more or less a straight shot on one side of my colon, there isn't anywhere for my stool to collect inside and it comes out, 20 times a day if I eat solids. That's my life, has been for 13 years now. I could get into a real depression if I think about it and really ponder how my life changed April 29, 1999 but most of the time, I just buck up and make the best of it.

Anyway, that day I sat on the couch and tried explaining my situation to my husband, he did have a deeper understanding of why I feel this way now but he did make one comment that has never really left - "why can't you just stay in the bathroom and finish?" As in, going back to my old one bm per day (24 hour time period). I sat there stunned and cried. I said - did you not pick up on the fact that I am surgically altered now? He said - well yeah I get that, you'll go more now, not less but instead of wiping and wiping, just sit there and finish. I said - it's not that easy, my stool isn't like your stool - my output isn't normal. I said if I had to sit there and "finish", I'd be in the bathroom 8 hours a day, not a total of oh 3 or 4 hours as it is now.

So what I'm trying to say is this - even though I have a great husband and my rock in all of this, even he doesn't quite understand that one detail.

I have learned along the way that when I try to explain this situation to anyone, especially immediate family members - succinct, simple explanations and then pausing for them to grasp what I am actually saying - is a far better approach than going into depth, explanation wise. I simply lose people if I give them more than 3 or more sentences now. I simply say - I had a colon resection, I now experience multiple bm's per day, if I eat. If I skip solids, I can reduce my trips to the bathroom. (this is great if we're dining out somewhere and I skip food or having miniscule amounts, compared to their full meals).

I wish you well with all of this OP. It's not easy trying to explain any sort of bowel disorder, whether it's Colitis, Chron's, IBS, if the person who you're talking with has normal bowel habits (regular diet, one bm per day). They simply have no idea what it's like to have to live your life attached to a toilet.

Shoot for simple discussions and see if that helps. Have a book with illustrations of what a colon looks like when it's irritated (a recent book I bought on amazon is great, it's called Gut Solutions, by Brenda Watson and Leonard Smith).
Posted 4/19/2012 4:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,


I normally post the GERD forum, however I check in here every once a while.
My dr. Thought I had IBS, I didn't think so.

Anyways, I think you need to get a hold of your anxiety. I read one book that helped me with my anxiety. I know the feeling. I get it at school, but not like before.


I think this book would help you. I think is called the "Feelin good handbook or book"

Igot mine at amazon for 5 dollars. Read the reviews to get an idea. I am not selling you a product. I also feel for you, because my gf did not understand my GERD for a while. She started resenting me. :( Now things are better.
Posted 4/20/2012 2:05 AM (GMT 0)

Marsky said...
I am so sorry to read this topic. I feel blessed to have a supportive husband. To an extent. A few years ago he asked me to give him explicit but simple details why I spend so much time in the bathroom. He said - talk me thru it, tell me why your health is this way (due to a good chunk of my lower colon/sigmoid being removed because I had rectal cancer). I am more or less a straight shot on one side of my colon, there isn't anywhere for my stool to collect inside and it comes out, 20 times a day if I eat solids. That's my life, has been for 13 years now. I could get into a real depression if I think about it and really ponder how my life changed April 29, 1999 but most of the time, I just buck up and make the best of it.

Anyway, that day I sat on the couch and tried explaining my situation to my husband, he did have a deeper understanding of why I feel this way now but he did make one comment that has never really left - "why can't you just stay in the bathroom and finish?" As in, going back to my old one bm per day (24 hour time period). I sat there stunned and cried. I said - did you not pick up on the fact that I am surgically altered now? He said - well yeah I get that, you'll go more now, not less but instead of wiping and wiping, just sit there and finish. I said - it's not that easy, my stool isn't like your stool - my output isn't normal. I said if I had to sit there and "finish", I'd be in the bathroom 8 hours a day, not a total of oh 3 or 4 hours as it is now.

So what I'm trying to say is this - even though I have a great husband and my rock in all of this, even he doesn't quite understand that one detail.

I have learned along the way that when I try to explain this situation to anyone, especially immediate family members - succinct, simple explanations and then pausing for them to grasp what I am actually saying - is a far better approach than going into depth, explanation wise. I simply lose people if I give them more than 3 or more sentences now. I simply say - I had a colon resection, I now experience multiple bm's per day, if I eat. If I skip solids, I can reduce my trips to the bathroom. (this is great if we're dining out somewhere and I skip food or having miniscule amounts, compared to their full meals).

I wish you well with all of this OP. It's not easy trying to explain any sort of bowel disorder, whether it's Colitis, Chron's, IBS, if the person who you're talking with has normal bowel habits (regular diet, one bm per day). They simply have no idea what it's like to have to live your life attached to a toilet.

Shoot for simple discussions and see if that helps. Have a book with illustrations of what a colon looks like when it's irritated (a recent book I bought on amazon is great, it's called Gut Solutions, by Brenda Watson and Leonard Smith).

I stumbled upon this, but listen. Go see a surgeon and ask him about J Pouch surgery. Most people after surgery go between 4-8 times...and it goes down as the years passes. If you actually go 20 times a day right now that is ridiculous. You shouldn't live like this.
Posted 4/20/2012 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
yeah well I'm putting up with things as they are, lousy insurance, little money for surgery (I know my out of pocket expense would have to be financed). But thank you. I'm also leary to let them them touch me again. Been told by GI docs my original surgeon did a great job on my resection. Okie dokie I've said. Seamless resection he's said, wants me to look during flex sigs but no thanks. Then I've had other doctors who I eventually went to b/c my original surgeon moved 1000 miles away, say they never would have taken the surgical approach he did. One said J-pouch and another cried with me, I think might have given me a permanent ostomy.

Until surgery is adamant, I'm dealing with things as they are. But yeah 20 a day is a lot, but that's if I eat regular sized meals. I can cut those trips down by eating light, I actually feel healthier when I eat very small meals 4-6 times a day.

But thanks somedude, for the pep talk. I peek in at your ostomy forum here from time to time. If we had tons of money I'd at least explore my options.
Posted 4/21/2012 2:25 PM (GMT 0)
  lotsofreckles said... I have anxiety and during attacks become so overwhelmed with a sense of fear that I will also have IBS and run immediately to the toilet. Years ago I went to the dr and had tests. Found nothing and told me it was IBS due to anxiety and stress. I could not afford to purchase the meds prescribed due to financial reasons. I was a widow raising two sons.   I tried to self-help through stress releasing exercises, Tums and Imodium. This helped for a few years to get through responsibilities in life and jobs. I eventually married.   Now years later I found it is worse. Mornings consist of running multiple times to the toilet. There have been times when sent home from jobs and I made up excuses of the flu. Now my husband has never believed that I have a problem and he says it is all in my head. I try to explain to him what happens inside my body and mind but he yells and says he doesn't want to hear about it.   I have asked him if I can go back to the dr again and he is now very angry and says no. I need to apply for a new job as recently I have been laid off. I find I can barely get through the interview process due to a nervousness and fear that overtakes me. I become shaky, sweaty, and will "freeze" I feel as if my mind cannot process the words and questions they ask of me. My heart will race and I cannot catch my breath. And of worst of all I run to the toilet. It is most embarrassing and is ruining my life. I feel like a freak and no one to turn to. I do not know what to do. Husband is so unsupportive.     In reading the topics and posts I have decided I will try Activia and Calcium carbonate. I see a lot recommending it. Please if anyone has any other suggestions so I can get through this it would be much appreciated. Hi, try this simple way may relief your IBS. (Cut & paste this website on new tab) Apple%20 and%20 IBS.htm" rel=nofollow target=_blank>http://www.ibs-relieftips.com/IBSArticle-Banana%20 Apple%20 and%20 IBS.htm Post Edited (Ongwc5) : 4/24/2012 10:33:14 AM (GMT-6)
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